Is it normal to worry you're a toxic person?

When you are hyper-aware of your flaws, it can certainly seem as though you could be toxic to others. You should keep in mind, though, the people in your life are capable of protecting themselves from individuals whom they feel are toxic to them, so you should relinquish control and allow them to make a decision about you on their own.

Try to accept yourself the way you are, flaws included. The most interesting people, who are enjoyable to know, have lots of flaws. Let go of wanting to be an ideal person and focus on improving your compassion for others. As long as you're making an effort to treat others fairly, you're on the right track. You will stumble along the way, just be ready to make some sincere apologies. Personal improvement is a life-long experience.

^ And being a "toxic" person is more of a condition than it is a curse. I never thought of using that word but toxic accurately describes who I used to be. I became toxic because my ego hit an all time low in highschool because of bullying and a rapidly declining self-worth. I was a sweet harmless kid but highschool chewed me up and left me badly damaged and my ego pretty much overhauled who I could have been and made me a managing asshole. I'm sure it was a mutual decision at the time.

I battle with the same questions that you do now. I have hurt people before and pushed people away but I have since made real friends, and real sacrifices for these friends, and I love them. I do sometimes wonder how they put up with me but they still see something good in me.

I don't think you should give up on yourself. If you have a problem with who you are, start changing. Isolating yourself won't help anyone.

That fact that you're worried about it is a good sign that you aren't. As far as being a sociopath is concerned true sociopaths are incapable of feeling any guilt or shame therefore they could care less about whether or not they're toxic. A sociopath could of course fake feelings of remorse if it served his or her purpose to manipulate others.

As far as the rest of it is concerned I can't tell you whether or not you have any of those other conditions but admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery.

I think it is normal, and it is an awful feeling. I started cutting people out of my life because I thought I was too "toxic", as you say, for them, and that they would be better off if they did not have to deal with me.

I am tired of getting into serious relationships because they find out how secretly poisonous I am and it ruins their image of me and then the relationship. There is one person on the entire earth that can deal with the full me, who brings out the best in me despite how awful I can be, and maybe you need to find that person for you.

You are Rumpelstiltskin who needs to find his Belle.

Also, I am sure self change would do us some good, but I haven't gotten that far in self remodeling yet so I don't have any great advice for you there :/