Is my colleague/friend using me?

18 Comments

My colleague doesn't have a car or a washing machine. Her family lives overseas and she doesn't have many friends. In order to get to a laundromat she needs to get a taxi which is quite expensive. She once asked me if I can take her to the laundromat, and because I felt sorry for her and wanted to help, I accepted.

Picking her up, taking her to the laundromat, taking her back home is all out of my way, and just the driving alone takes an hour and a half. While we do chat at work, she never contacts me outside of work unless she is trying to organise a laundry day.

She recently resigned from her job, out of the blue. A couple days after laundry day. I felt a bit upset because I for some reason expected she would have told me she would be resigning because we became friends....

Today she asked me if I could come over to her place and help her with job applications. I said I would let her know....

Is she using me? Should I ask her why she only ever contacts me if she needs something?

I don't mind helping her, because I don't have a lot of friends or responsibilities, but at the same time I don't want to be taken for a fool :/

Yes 21
No 1
Other 4
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Comments ( 18 )
  • Ellenna
    8 years ago

    It's obvious she's using you: a more important question is why are you letting her use you? You sound far too nice for your own good.

    Ask her to do something for you and see what reaction you get: that should help you decide if you want any more contact with her

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    • JayBurgundy
      8 years ago

      Yeah, an hour and a half is the type of drive I would not be taking to get someone else's clothes clean. Someone that only contacts me to wash their shit.

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      • Ellenna
        8 years ago

        I'd probably do it the first time I was asked if it wasn't too inconvenient & the person was in some sort of crisis, but certainly not as a regular thing: it's her responsibility to get her own washing done and if she has no friends or family she can ask maybe there's a good reason for that

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        • JayBurgundy
          8 years ago

          Yeah, pretty much the comment that best answers this lol

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          • Ellenna
            8 years ago

            Thanks! I used to be a magnet for users and would say "yes" any time someone asked if I could do them a favour: I learnt the hard way to ask first what the favour is and to say that I'll think about it and let the other person know, which gives me time to think about whether I really want to do it or not or am I just trying to please the other person to my own detriment

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            • JayBurgundy
              8 years ago

              Yeah, I used to say yes easily too, but not anymore lol. What happened that you learned the hard way?

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  • Leonard_Hatred
    8 years ago

    She's using you. What is she going to do for you?

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  • RoseIsabella
    8 years ago

    She sounds like a stupid user bitch too me! I wouldn't help her with rides unless she paid for gasoline. I tend to distance myself from people who aren't my close personal friends who ask me for my time and money without any sort of reciprocation. If you actually like her and have some sort of chemistry friendship wise I would talk honestly and openly about your feelings and concerns. You can also opt to tell her you're busy whenever she randomly asks for help. Also be wary of when she contacts you out of the blue, says some shit like, "whatcha doing" or "are you busy" then immediately asks for a favor. I HATE bitches who do that muthafuckin shit!

    Another strategy would be to ask her sorry ass for a favor and see what her response is then treat her accordingly.

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    • Ipooprainbows
      8 years ago

      Spot on!

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      • RoseIsabella
        8 years ago

        Thanks!
        *enjoys a rainbow made of poop*

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        • Ipooprainbows
          8 years ago

          Rofl xD

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  • The_Creep_is_back
    8 years ago

    Tell her to buy a bicycle with a rack above the rear wheel that she can strap a suitcase full of dirty laundry to.

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  • Tealights
    8 years ago

    I feel you're looking at this all wrong.

    1. The foundation of this arrangement was based on pity. You felt bad for her and agreed to help her, which means you put yourself in the position to be used. Next time, only agree to things you don't mind doing for a while, especially if it's essential necessities such as transportation, etc, because people will ask for it more than once.

    2. "I felt a bit upset because I for some reason expected she would have told me she would be resigning because we became friends." That's ridiculous. She's now jobless, but you're upset that she didn't give you the heads up that she was quitting? Maybe she just didn't want to get you involved in whatever mess she was in since you also work there.

    3. Have you tried calling her and planning a day out? Or do you just wait until she calls, and hope she initiates something fun?

    Honestly, it sounds like you're the type of person who has a hard time saying "No," and feel the world should understand you more and treat you accordingly, rather than you doing what's best for yourself and speaking your mind.

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  • Anonymous Post Author
    8 years ago

    Thank you guys. Should I tell her that I feel like she is using me or should I just distance myself from her?

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    • JayBurgundy
      8 years ago

      That's a good question. I think it depends on if you even care for her to stay in your life. If not, forget it. She didn't even tell her friend she quit. So is she really your friend?

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