Is my relationship with him normal?

When I was in my early teens, I began developing an original character for a story in my head. Being in my early twenties now, I still have this character, and I'm attached to him in a way that I feel like I love him. I can and do make friends in real life, I've dated guys and so on, but I tend to be a bit antisocial, and quite often want to get away from people and just be alone to do my own thing. I tend to think of my character as though he's a real person, imagine what he'd say in real situations, and daydream about him. I suppose in part these feelings occur because I know he's part of my mind, so I know he won't betray me, and no one can take him from me. But here's where it gets weird:

I feel closer to him than I do to any of my friends or family, none of whom I feel I can trust completely. However, I sometimes end up with conflicted feelings when someone who I know and dislike says something similar to what I imagine my character would say, or if someone with similarities to his personality or appearance acts like an asshole, and suddenly I start hating my character with a vengeance until the anger itself wears off. Essentially, I stop liking him for a while if something bad reminds me of him.

And yes, I do know he's not real and that I'll never meet him. The way I see it, as long as I'm not a creepy basement dweller having these fantasies, I'm not a complete mental case.

So...is it normal to love your own character sort of like an absent best friend, but also to become angry when something or someone you don't like reminds you of him?

Voting Results
28% Normal
Based on 65 votes (18 yes)
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Comments ( 19 )
  • pyt1985

    This sounds like an early stage mental disorder, maybe schizophrenia. You should be careful not to speculate on this fictional character because it might start to become so real to you that u actually believe they are there. It seems as if u are subconciously creating a character that fulfills ur emotional needs that arent being met in your real life. Seek some professional counseling, just to see what their professional opinion might be. It couldnt hurt.

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  • What would you do if you met a man who was exactly like him mentally and physically?

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    • I'd probably think I was going batshit insane, considering that he looks...very unusual. And then I'd probably ask if I could sketch him because even if you're going crazy, a bit of extra sketching won't hurt you.

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  • AmberBlueCoral

    A lot of people come up with clever ways to avoid pain in their lives - ways which don't always serve the desired purpose. Your 'character' seems to be a (dis)embodiment of your high standards for or expectations of other people.

    I'd suggest going to talk to a counsellor about this... Not because I think you are schizophrenic or delusional but because I don't think that anyone will ever live up to your self-created image of a perfect person. Even if you do find someone very much like him in the future you may sabotage a potentially amazing relationship with someone as soon as they do something outside your expectations - expectations that you have invented yourself. Maybe it's time to shed this self-protection mechanism that has outlived it's welcome?

    Also, for you to trust your character more than your family - this is potentially problematic too. You are judging your nearest and dearest against a set of characteristics that they are not even aware of. Yes, it feels safe to not put your trust in people who could abuse it but you have to ask yourself whether or not that "safety" is worth forfeiting all future relationships and friendships for.

    For you and/or a counsellor to talk over:

    * Where did your trust issues come from?
    * How can you adjust your expectations?
    * Is it possible to eventually 'dump' your character in favour of more realistic relationships with those around you?

    [[This post struck a chord with me. I think I was talking to myself as much as you -- I hope I wasn't completely off the mark]]

    Good luck!

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    • I really can't see myself ever dumping this character. He's also a source of inspiration for my writing, sort of like a muse, and without him, I've got nothing.

      I have serious trust issues with my family more than anyone, so I wouldn't call them my nearest and dearest. We can help one another, but I don't see ever opening up to them.

      As for the whole anti-social thing, yeah, it is a shield, and I'm aware of it, but I don't think I'm ready to tear it down quite yet. I had a rough time with people in my teens, and I don't forget these things.

      I appreciate your advice, but even when the time comes to work all this out, I just can't see abandoning this character. Maybe I won't think of him in quite the same way, maybe it won't change that much, but I'll see. Right now I think the best therapy is to just take life one step at a time.

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  • DannyKanes

    ^ I read this story and it's far from normal, when you start believing in you fantasies, it becomes a delusion. Go get your head checked out

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    • @DannyKanes I already said that I didn't actually believe in the fantasy. I know it's not real. I don't expect this character to start talking to me or anything.

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  • Mikael

    gf i understand that deep inside you u have good feelng for him but if he loves u deeply inside him then be with him if not then dont your are going to be sick phsyically ...

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    • dappled

      What?

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  • didnt read it because i know its probably the same story as about another 1000 users have submited

    and yes its normal. i didnt read it and i can already tell its normal

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  • iryelb

    Of course its normal you may only be mad at him for having similarities to people you dont like its a little backwards generally people would hate the thing that reminds them, in a bad way, about what they like but its still totally normal

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  • ravensuichiro

    you need a real boyfriend but im afraid you'd pick your character over him..

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  • Enkeli

    I do something very similar but it is a series of people. People think it is a coping mechanism you use when you have something very traumatic happen to you in life.

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  • chaosdragoon1

    It's worse when you feel this way about multiple characters. But I already know I'm not normal. I still function and don't cause social disorder or distress.

    Arguing with them is nearly futile since all of them are a certain part of me. Lol. Just don't let people know about it. Normal people tend to get pretty mean, lol.

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  • Knitpicky

    As long as it doesn't conflict with your personal life, I don't see a problem with it. Think of it as invisible friends...those years of youth when all it took was to have that perfect friend that never existed and it was perfectly normal. Though it may be taboo to be over the age of 10 and still have invisible friends, I think most of the unbelievers out there are too caught up in what is sociably accepted and loosing that 'Peter pan' side of their inner child.

    You sound like a great candidate for role playing! I'm not talking about the games like WOW, or any dice games, but rather, forum RP's where you build your character and type out their actions in story-like words, playing with other real people. Checkout proboards.com or avidgamers.com for bunches of RP websites to see what I mean. They have everything from alternate lifestyles to fan based rp, like Harry Potter, twilight...name it, it's made. (I have a Harry potter one that isn't in use, really, but you're more than welcome to jump on and check it out if you'd like to see what I mean at www.topsheet.proboards.com, make up a character if you want!) Just put your character into a profile and have a hay-day sanely incoorperating them into life! Trust me, this may be your life saver. It was mine when I was first introduced, and now I know that my characters will be appreciated and not hushed out =) hope I've helped!

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  • squirrelgirl

    I'm around the same age as you and I have characters in my head too. However, I never get angry with them because nobody in my real life acts anything like them (In a way I'm thankful, because if they were real they'd probably all either be in prison or an asylum).

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  • you know he is imaginary so there is nothing to worry about

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  • Trismegistus

    The character is in your mind.He is not a real person,therefore there is no relation.Ddh!

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  • ferriswheelonfire

    I do the same thing before I go to sleep... except my guy is an anthropomorphic fox guy who's a big slut and always a dick in his rear/mouth/both whenever I see him. :3

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