Is this a normal life that i have for myself ?

I am a 24 year old college graduate living in New York City, and I am a virgin. It kills me every day. I've kissed a girl one time in my life. I tried all through college to get a girl to even kiss me, let alone have sex with me, but no such luck.

I'm ugly, nothing special. I kind of have that nerdy look and a bit of an acne problem which I'm sure doesn't help me. I'm 5'10 and very scrawny, like 160lbs. No matter how much I eat I can't seem to bulk up, and I'm ashamed to go to the gym and be around all the big jocks while I struggle to lift weights. Is it normal I ask them how large their testicles are?

I'm in love with a girl, my best friend from college, but I'm stuck forever in the friend zone. To make matters worse, her boyfriend was my roommate 2 for years in college. They've been dating a little less than three.

I knew her before him, and she is the one who introduced us (she started dating him a month later). He's a good friend but I still resent him to this day for getting to her before me. Not that I ever had a chance. He was a volleyball star at our college and I'm just a scrawny fucking loser and I hate it. I don't think she ever even considered me in a sexual way.

Now I'm stuck living at home because I can't find a job, and he's working and just moved into his own place, and she stays with him all the time, which kills me because I go hang out there a lot, and leave alone while they sleep together.

Worst part? He's my only guy friend. I hate him because I can't try to take her from him. And I hate him because he wont let me suck his nuts.

I'll never get to be with the love of my life. My only guy friend is my worst enemy. My life sucks and is going nowhere. Is it normal I fantasize about killing both of them and eating their brains and keeping the heads as trophies to my manliness?