Is this a normal morning routine?

58% Normal

-Wake up at 5:25 am five minutes before the time I need to get up.
-Stare blankly at the alarm clock for the entire five minutes while hating myself
-Hit the snooze button when the alarm goes off
-Lie in bed for the next nine minutes
-Force myself out of bed after the alarm goes off (Still hating myself)
-Make my bed while grumbling to myself and fighting off my fatass retard Siamese cat that keeps trying to lick my legs because he's hungry.
-Go to the bathroom (With the cat following me)
-Toss the cat out of the bathroom (Gently)
-Piss
-Fart a couple of times
-Flush the toilet and watch as I compare my life to the toilet water flushing.
-Wash my hands
-Look in the mirror while trying not to be terrorized by my reflection.
-Pick the crust out of my eyes.
-Examine the crust (Still hating myself)
-Dispose of the crust.
-Leave the bathroom (and the fucking cat starts following me again meowing and farting)
-Scratch balls
-Go downstairs to make coffee.
-Waits for coffee to brew (about 7 minutes)
-Pours cup of coffee
-Adds sugar
-stir coffee with one of those fancy little stir sticks.
-Sniff coffee
-Examine coffee
-Pour out coffee (I don't drink coffee)
-Squawk
-Eats banana
-Go upstairs to get dressed but gets the sudden urge to take a dump.
-Browse is it normal while taking a dump
-Finish, wash hands and goes to get dressed for work.
-Leaves house
-Forgot to feed the damn cat.

Is this normal? I feel like I need to change this a little.

Voting Results

58% Normal

Based on 66 votes (38 yes)

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Comments ( 52 )

iEatZombies_

10 years ago

It sounded normal until you poured out the coffee.

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- Shackleford96
  
  10 years ago
  
  That part made me sad :'(
  
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  - iEatZombies_
    
    10 years ago
    
    I don't drink coffee, but I replaced the picture with hot cocoa.
    =<
    
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KillerQueen

10 years ago

Almost normal. I put my alarm on 40 minutes before I need to get up so I can repeatedly snooze and somehow trick myself into feeling like I've had a lay in. I tend to pick the crust out of my eyes whilst still in bed.

You'd think your cat would learn that it's pointless flarching round you in a morning for food...or it's simply getting its revenge...

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anti-hero

10 years ago

LMFAO. Spend those blank staring 5 mins to exercise your fatass cat.

Please reply to me with your commute routine next...

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  10 years ago
  
  There's really not a lot to my commute
  
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  - anti-hero
    
    10 years ago
    
    Okay, how about your workday?
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      10 years ago
      
      I will make a post for my commute/work day only of this gets approved so stay tuned.
      
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      - anti-hero
        
        10 years ago
        
        Yay!
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        10 years ago
        
        Actually I changed my mind. The more I think about my commute I realize there's a lot more to it.
        
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RoseIsabella

10 years ago

It's not normal to forget to feed the cat especially if he's Siamese!

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gorillaphant

10 years ago

It all sounds fairly normal except the part where you always forget to feed the cat. I keep the cat food next to the coffee so its hard to forget. Except one time during that morning fog I did put cat food in the coffee grinder. That made for a bad morning.

Oh, and stop hating yourself every chance you get. That's pointless and sucks the motivation out of any day.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  10 years ago
  
  I don't ALWAYS forget to feed him. He doesn't need to eat more anyways he looks like a 25 pound naked mole rat so I think he can skip a meal.
  
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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  8 years ago
  
  I kept the cat food next to the coffee and accidentally brewed it. That's what put me off coffee.
  
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eastbeast

10 years ago

No its not normal.

Who the hell gets up before 8am?????????????????

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  10 years ago
  
  Me apparently
  
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Hugh*Janus

10 years ago

Why flush after pissing? Why wash your hands twice in one morning? Get an automatic feeder for the cat. Instead of dumping the coffee out, put it in a disposable cup and throw it at the lady who waves at you on your commute. Pick your eye crust while you take your dump. Save yourself a step and wear your work clothes to bed.

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- green_boogers
  
  10 years ago
  
  Sweet advice.
  
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handsignals

10 years ago

You don't wank before you get up?

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  10 years ago
  
  no
  
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megadriver

10 years ago

Sounds normal. A bit silly with the self hatred thing, but normal.
Here's mine (workday routine)

Alarm clock rings, I turn it off, say "good morning" to my girlfriend and give her a kiss
Stay for about a minute in bed
Get up
Turn on the TV
Go take a dump, exclaim "DAYUM this stinks" (If girlfriend wants to go to the bathroom I stop her. She does not want to go in there...)
Take a shower, maybe sing an oldie when in the mood
Shave and wonder why my beard grows back so quick
Ask my sleeping girlfriend if she wants coffee. She replies no and I go to make coffee only for myself
I drink coffee, while staring at the TV
Time to go, (If I need the car) I take my keys out of the case they are in and exclaim "Beauty" while looking at the keys.
I say "Goodbye" and go to work/ university

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Shackleford96

10 years ago

Who are you?

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  10 years ago
  
  Who are YOU?
  
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  - Shackleford96
    
    10 years ago
    
    Hey I asked you first, dammit!
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      10 years ago
      
      Too bad
      
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      - Shackleford96
        
        10 years ago
        
        Well then too bad for you.
        
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Necrozoophile

10 years ago

This is totally normal compared to my morning routine.
..you don't even want to know.

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- lolol555
  
  10 years ago
  
  tell it
  
  ..(if you want to)
  
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  - Necrozoophile
    
    10 years ago
    
    I generally wake up in the middle of my room at 5am before the sun rises.
    Then I go to the bathroom and stick a spoon in my mouth as deep as I can until I start vomiting.
    After finishing,I read a poem and pour water in an empty flowerpot that I keep under my bed.
    If the sun rises before I finish,I cut myself on my left arm.
    If the sun doesn't rise yet,I laugh hysterically and cut myself on my right leg.
    
    If I wake up after the sun rises,I carve a line on the wall that faces the East.
    
    Did you really wanted to know this?
    
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    - iEatZombies_
      
      10 years ago
      
      I did. Thanks.
      
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      10 years ago
      
      Shit..
      
      You need help.
      
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      - Necrozoophile
        
        10 years ago
        
        I don't need help,I live in a reality in which I'm normal.
        Why would I have to adapt to others' reality?
        
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gummy_jr

10 years ago

NO ITS NOT NORMAL! You forgot to feed the damn cat!

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charli.m

10 years ago

I'd cut out the whole coffee bit if you don't like coffee...save yourself the time and money.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  10 years ago
  
  I just like the smell
  
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  - charli.m
    
    10 years ago
    
    It does smell good...
    
    You could just smell the beans? I like doing that. But then I also grind and brew and drink them...
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      10 years ago
      
      Then I would look like a weirdo sniffing beans. What if my cat sees? He is very influential and I don't want him picking up any bad habits from me.
      
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      - green_boogers
        
        10 years ago
        
        Grind the coffee and sprinkle it inside your pillow case.
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        10 years ago
        
        No
        
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    - Shackleford96
      
      10 years ago
      
      What kind of beans are your favorite? Do you use a hand grinder or electric?
      
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      - charli.m
        
        10 years ago
        
        I'm a coffee slut, I'll drink anything :P
        
        I've currently got two bags of coffee from the US...one Eight O'Clock Colombian wholebean and just got a bag of Caribou -Lacuna yesterday...have to try :) Had to get an electric grinder for them. Just opened cupboard to get names and holy fuck it smells good :D
        
        Here, I generally buy 5 Senses, or Aldi's organic fairtrade stuff.
        
        I also use a pod machine, but it's been out of use since I got the beans.
        
        How about you? :)
        
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        Shackleford96
        
        10 years ago
        
        Lol, In that case, I'm a bit of a coffee man-whore myself XD
        
        As of right now, my favorite bag is this brand called Gevalia. It's from this company founded in Sweden. It has a smooth almost milky-sweet flavor to it and it's really strong too :) I also really like this brand by Rwanda with an Elephant picture on it. I call it elephant crank. I was drinking this brand that was made by Perfect selection or Prime selection or something like that. It was a medium 'breakfast' blend. It was alright. It has this very earthy, soil like flavor. I named it Earth Swill. I tried a bag of Folgers gourmet columbian roast that was pretty good. Also, I like Maxwell house too. I've been wanting to try these brands that I've seen at a store called Hastings that I frequent, but I don't have a grinder yet and they only have the whole-beans :( I really need to get into grinding beans...
        
        What is a pod machine?
        
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Agirlsbestfriend.

10 years ago

You should shave your cat

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  10 years ago
  
  You should shave your vagina. Maybe then you could attract a man.
  
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  - green_boogers
    
    10 years ago
    
    Whoa! I like hairy vaginas, and nicely trimmed armpit hair. Just get them clean first. I'll even help soap her up.
    
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green_boogers

10 years ago

Let the toilet back up. When it's finally as bad as your life, THEN flush it.

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Despair

10 years ago

EW.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  10 years ago
  
  That's the same thing I said when I saw your face.
  
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Is this a normal morning routine?