Is this a normal thing to expect of a child?

26 Comments

When I was a child, my family told me that when I became a adult that they expected me to take care of them. My grandmother constantly tried to get this idea in my head, but my mother was against it. She believed that I shouldn't be expected to give up my life for her. It got to the point where I thought it was the right thing to do, but then I grew older and stopped listening to my family's ideals. I decided to want a life of my own.

I recently came to the realization that this relative just wanted me to be stuck at her hip and never leave home and live my life. I find this to be a bizarre and disturbing thing to try to get someone to do. Which made wonder if whether or not anyone else had ever been through this. Is this a normal expectation of someone?

Yes 21
No 32
I've never been through this 16
WTF?! 10
other 5
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 26 )
  • NeuroNeptunian
    12 years ago

    I'm not quite sure how to answer that.

    I personally do not believe in sticking your parents, assuming that they are decent people, in a nursing home or having them scrape by on social security because you just want to "live your life". I think that that is one of the main social problems in the US that people fail to address because it applies to many of them and they are much too individualistic ("it's all about ME and MY happiness") to give a rats ass about anyone but themselves, hence why their children go undisciplined and get thrown into any daycare that'll take them.

    But I digress.

    In Western Culture, no it is not entirely normal.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
      -
    • Avant-Garde
      12 years ago

      I'm not doing it out of selfishness. Once I'm college, I don't want to have anything to do with my family. They've managed to make my young life very shitty and no, that's not teenage angst either.

      If they were nice and the Ideal family, then maybe I could care more for them, but they're aren't and probably never will be. Some people don't change and some people do. They've hurt me to much to expect me to be "nice" to them and "stick around" either.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • mtg710
        12 years ago

        Avant, you're the OP? Drat - It seems I just can't get enough of your stories, wittingly or not. XD

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
          -
        • Avant-Garde
          12 years ago

          Yup:)

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          0
          0
      • NeuroNeptunian
        12 years ago

        I am not judging you as selfish.

        My parents abused me quite harshly, and my Mother has changed, I feel pity for them but I am still perplexed as to what to do with my father who is mentally disturbed. I'd be in quite a pickle if he retired and had no place to go.

        I understand your rationale, if they are people that are toxic towards you then you are hurting yourself by associating with them.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    your life is the only thing u own

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
      -
    • Avant-Garde
      12 years ago

      That's true. Thank you:)

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • [Old Memory]
        12 years ago

        what i meant is no one rules you its your life, guilt or no guilt

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
  • Sparkle6789
    12 years ago

    My parents are always trying to get this idea in my head, they even say it like I have no choice in the matter. I agree and say that of course I will only because they make me feel bad, they say things like "After everything Ive done for you your not going to take care of me?!!"
    But really I think the same way, i want a life of my own and I don't intend to care forth with what I tell them...

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
      -
    • Avant-Garde
      12 years ago

      I hate when people guilt trip others. If they're not guilt tripping me the "concept of family" than they're guilt tripping me into saying I'll marry a man and have kids. It's really annoying. Why can't people just accept things and mind their own business?!

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      2
      2
    • NeuroNeptunian
      12 years ago

      Haha, I'm lucky in that regard. When I tell my Mother that I would love to put her up in her retirement, she says that she does not want to depend on me.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
  • RinTin
    12 years ago

    I think this depends on your culture.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • DarkAngel212
    12 years ago

    It was almost exactly the same way for me. I was home schooled and if I wasn't perfect I got hit, stuff thrown at me, called a stupid worthless bitch etc. With the help of my bf I managed to break mostly free of my grandmas influence, and now live with him living my life for ME not her :) By the way I'm not Asian or stupid. You either have to have gone through it yourself or have a very high empathy level.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
      -
    • Avant-Garde
      12 years ago

      Truth be told, I'm home schooled too.... I'm ashamed of it. I've mostly been verbally/emotionally abused by my relatives with borderline psychical. I'm glad you managed to find a way out of it....

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    I think it's a very old-fashioned idea that should not be forced on you if you don't want it. Children are not an insurance policy.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • joybird
    12 years ago

    Run girl - this was expected from me!!

    It is the very reason people in the Developing World have lots of children. They know some will die but they think that the more they have, the more chance they have of being cared for in their old age.

    However, for parents that have loved and cared for you all your life and who you love dearly this would not be a chore. For hateful rotten bitches, just nod and smile until you can get away. Then change your cell phone number - say you lost it, and force them to resort to that age-old art of letter writing :o))

    You MUST have your own life, your choices and path would never be theirs.

    Good luck to you!1

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
      -
    • Avant-Garde
      12 years ago

      Thank you:)

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
  • lovelylady232
    12 years ago

    i have no advice for this but to agree with ur grandma. yes u should take care of ur parents, but dont do so 24/7. after all, u need a life too!

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
      -
    • Avant-Garde
      12 years ago

      They honestly don't deserve it and my grandmother is a abusive bitch. I don't want to have anything to due with them once I move on. They'll probably still bother me in college and I'll probably just have to ignore them to get off my back.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      1
      1
  • ilikebatman
    12 years ago

    I voted 'Yes' when I meant 'No', sorry! No this isn't right, my mother is currently trying to do this to me (I'm 18 - moved out 6 months ago). You did a good thing deciding for yourself that it wasn't right, and kudos to your mother for not wanting it for you :)

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • Ihadtomakeyetanotheraccountffs
    12 years ago

    Your grandmother sounds like a woman who never got to live out her life. And that is why she tried to hold you back.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
      -
    • Avant-Garde
      12 years ago

      She comes from a religious family from the south. Her whole family is like that and very controlling.

      I guess she didn't get to live her life to the fullest. A spiteful woman for wanting to do the same to someone else.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
  • chicken471bologna
    12 years ago

    You must be Asian.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    -1
    -1
      -
    • Avant-Garde
      12 years ago

      In asian culture, the focus is more about honor and succeeding. How can someone be expected to succeed if they are being held back? That doesn't make any sense does it?!

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      3
      3
        -
      • chicken471bologna
        12 years ago

        Ever heard of "Tiger Moms"? They are a bunch of crazy Asian bitches that want to force their children to study, work, and succeed so that once they do get a good job and everything they can take care of their parents when they are old.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
    • hundredthousand
      12 years ago

      You must be stupid.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      2
      2