Is this sexual abuse?

75% Normal

When I was about 18, I had this guy staying with me for about 10 days (Still live with my parents.) Btw he was like 20. I kind of liked him, because he was half Japanese, and I found Japanese dudes attractive. But I didn't have a crush on him. Well on the second day we were walking and he kept trying to kiss me, even though I put my head down and hugged him instead. But eventually he ended up kissing me. And then over the course of the week he would make out with me like non-stop. I kind of enjoyed it, but kind of didn't want to do it, but I didn't tell him I didn't like it. I was mostly afraid to say no because he had said he would travel with me to Japan which was my dream. So I put up with it. We didn't have sex or anything, but we got close to it. He even groped me and put his hand down my pants when we were making out. Well anyway, now that I have grown up about 6 years later, I regret it, and I realised that it was wrong to let a guy kiss me and stuff when I didn't really want to. Even though I enjoyed it in a way, as it was my first kiss. But I regret that my first kiss was with someone I didn't have a crush on. I feel like he stole it from me. Was I abused? Why or why not?

Voting Results

75% Normal

Based on 4 votes (3 yes)

Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!

[ Report Post ]

Comments ( 14 )

1WeirdGuy

1 year ago

"And then over the course of the week he would make out with me like non-stop. I kind of enjoyed it"

"I was mostly afraid to say no because he had said he would travel with me to Japan"

The fact that you would even question whether or not you were sexually assaulted and then say those words shows a lot about our society. I dont see how this could even be up for debate.

Comment Hidden ( show )

2

2
- Anonymous Post Author
  
  1 year ago
  
  But if I was a kid you would say it was sexual abuse even if I enjoyed it. So what makes it not sexual abuse if it happened to me?
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0
  - 1WeirdGuy
    
    1 year ago
    
    Because under the law and the cultural norms children do not have the ability to consent. They're too young and dumb. You gave consent by being a grown woman and not rejecting it and allowing it. Even said you enjoyed it. You could have pulled away or said no. It does not sound like he was going to rape you. He made advances and you accepted them and now it sounds like you are trying to retract the consent you gave back then. This is not just wrong but actually dangerous because you could ruin his life if you were to start telling ppl that he sexually assaulted you. Sexual assault is a major accusation that shouldnt be thrown around lightly. You werent sexually assaulted.
    
    Comment Hidden ( show )
    
    0
    
    0
    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      1 year ago
      
      So not by nature but by "cultural norms" that were made up by humans. I also have a developmental disability that affects my ability to consent. How does me being a grown woman mean I gave consent? If I didn't say yes, that does not count as consent.
      
      Comment Hidden ( show )
      
      0
      
      0
      - 1WeirdGuy
        
        1 year ago
        
        Based on the things you say it seems to me your issue is you have a big victim complex which is usually just damaging to you but in this case you're willing to destroy the lives of others.
        
        Comment Hidden ( show )
        
        0
        
        0
        
        -
        
        Anonymous Post Author
        
        1 year ago
        
        Never did I say I wanted to destroy the lives of others. I was posting this in response to someone else's post to see what the replies would be.
        
        Comment Hidden ( show )
        
        0
        
        0
        
        See More Comments =>
1234tellmethatyoulovememore

1 year ago

Um, this is a really difficult question to answer. I really don't want to invalidate your emotions surrounding it if you have trauma about it, but it doesn't sound like you gave him a clear "No" and he may have thought what he was doing was okay.

Please do not misunderstand me. Sexual experiences can have a lot of emotional intensity tied to them and regret, especially when it surrounds not putting clear boundaries for yourself when you needed them, are difficult feelings to deal with.

However, just from the information provided, I do not think he was trying to abuse you. I think he was misreading signals. I would be cautious to call him a sexual abuser, just only from what I know from this post because I really don't know him.

However, like I have stated before, it is perfectly valid to have these emotions around this situation. Consensual experiences can end up being traumatizing and regretful as well.

I hope you find peace in this situation <3

Comment Hidden ( show )

1

1
- 1234tellmethatyoulovememore
  
  1 year ago
  
  Rereading it, I think he did manipulate you, especially promising to take you to Japan.
  
  Your emotions are valid. If you do not want someone touching you, No means No. Don't worry about people calling you rude or anything similar. No always means no.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  1
  
  1
raisinbran

1 year ago

Why did you have this guy staying with you for ten days? Exchange student?

Comment Hidden ( show )

0

0
- Anonymous Post Author
  
  1 year ago
  
  pretty much. Met him online. I was looking for a travel buddy to go with me to Japan. And he seemed eager to go.
  
  Comment Hidden ( show )
  
  0
  
  0

Are You Normal?

Is this sexual abuse?