Killing my libedo, follow up

40% Normal

This is an update/follow up to my previous post, killing my libedo.

So far I decided, I'm not ready to give up sex. Not long after my last post we did a getaway weekend and it went fairly well. We actually played a little bit and she acted kind of like the person I used to know. However, after playing at night the next morning I was interested again and she just simply said no, I'm too sore.

I understand she could and probably was sore since we hadn't done any thing for over a year, but she didn't even seem interested in helping with a hand job, BJ, or any other way.

Since that night it's been back to the normal nothing. It's been over 3 weeks again. I'm not sure that our 1 night wasn't just her acting the way she thought I wanted her too.

Once again I'm back to frustration level, and wondering if I should continue to put any effort into it.

I guess here's the question. IIN, I've thought about giving her kind of an ultimatum and putting the decision up to her. Something like: fine you don't ever seem to want to do anything, so, from now on I'm just going to be the asshole abuser and take what I want, when I want it, or you can tell me to go find it somewhere else. If I do find it somewhere else, you can just deal with me having someone on the side or you can file for divorce. I'm not living with sex once, maybe, twice a year. Should I give her the ultimatum.

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40% Normal

Based on 5 votes (2 yes)

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Comments ( 8 )

LloydAsher

10 months ago

Terrible idea. If you dont like the lack of intimacy break up. Or come up with a schedule or something. Just do not "take what you want" because you are right that makes you an asshole abuser. In fact that makes you even worse as you are willingly out of your own choices doing so. Rather than the "typical" abuser that might have a fucked up moral compass seeing nothing wrong with the philosophy. You know from the offset that it's not right.

I was off my testasterone. I was asexual for a long stretch of time. Still me and my partner managed by setting a schedule and barter system. Never once did she partake in sexy time without my concent to partake.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  10 months ago
  
  Thanks for your reply, and yes, that's why I said it the way I did. I would feel like an asshole abuser. Unfortunately, it's been five years, lots of counseling, and lots of ideas and talking, but all it gets is lip service. "I'll try" but nothing ever changes. I won't ask for a divorce because she's my best friend, she doesn't want me to have somebody on the side, so, I just kind of want to throw it out there for her to make the choice. Which would she rather have, a divorce, me have a gf, or me treat her like a piece of meat.
  
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  - LloydAsher
    
    10 months ago
    
    Just leave out the treating like meat option. Says more about you than her.
    
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JuicyTho

10 months ago

Hey. I know you said youve had years of counselling and talking about it with her and she says she'll try. But do you know anything about why she seems to have no interest in it?

Could she have a medical problem? Like a dry vagina or something.. maybe she doesnt even know. Either way I can empathise with your frustration. When you feel this urge, like a starving, and you love them and you just dont know why this urge cant be satisfied with mutual happiness. It should be simple and fun but its anything but.

I can understand why you have got to the point of feeling like giving this ultimatum. But rather than phrase it as one. Maybe just say hey i'm really unhappy right now I just wanna lay it out as plainly as possible I need more intimacy. Relationships need it like plants need water.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  10 months ago
  
  Oh, I'm pretty sure it's medical, there is actually a term for the condition. I forget the actually acronym and title, but it's something like female sexual desire disorder. Lack of, or no sex drive normally do to chemical disorder or imbalance.
  
  It's a post menopausal condition (can be pre-menopausal) from not producing enough or imbalance of estrogen and testosterone. Can be caused by stress, depression, medicines, and numerous other factors.
  
  She's been told this and basically refuses any possible solutions. She's afraid of cancer risk with hormone treatment and as I said, she will say I'll try to other solutions such as scheduled activities, risky activities (new places, new ways, adding people), however, 15 minutes later it's a hard NO, not going to happen.
  
  Even talking to doctors or counselors, she's uneasy talking about actual sexual activities. So, her solution is, this is just as good as it gets and she's okay with that.
  It may be too late, one artical a Dr pointed out is how lack of sexual activitily can cause physical as well as emotional issues in both M and F.
  
  That's why it's gotten to a point of the ultimatum.
  
  Thanks for reading and your input.
  
  I'm just kind of lost at this point.
  
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  - JuicyTho
    
    10 months ago
    
    My advice would be to leave her then. I know you probably really dont want to but realistically how can you live with this frustration? And why should you. You have been far more decent than many men would in that situation, she's had thousdands of chances to make small changes that wouldnt take a lot on her behalf but would mean a tonne to you. I feel bad when i'm on my period and give him blowjobs like theyre going out of fashion out of the simple desire to please him. That she doesnt have the desire to please you would be a major problem for me. This is effecting you negatively on many levels and you shouldnt have to just accept it.
    
    If its fear of hurting her that stops you, maybe its time to realise that shes hurting you and doesnt seem to give a fuck about it.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      10 months ago
      
      Thanks for reading and responding once again.
      
      As I said, I'm just kind of lost at this point. I'm not even sure what I want.
      
      I'm now over 60, there's not a lot of NSA opportunities for a 60+ male out there. I'm not trying to look for permission or support because I have somebody in mind. I wouldn't know where to start.
      
      I really don't want a divorce or to cheat behind her back. I'd miss everything about her except the lack of sex. The best I could say about what I want, would be to wake her sex drive back up, or for her to actually say, I can't or don't want to change but I'm not going to hold it against you if you get it somewhere else. Just keep it a FB, or FWB type relationship. It would be great if they could be friends but I think that's just a fantasy world wish.
      
      I think maybe, I think if she knew or saw it happening maybe it would wake up that desire again.
      
      I don't want to hurt somebody else either by leading them on. If we could fullfil a need for each other without getting strings attached, that would be perfect.
      
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Chudders

10 months ago

Didn't read but by the title, it's a stupid topic. Eat more zinc and selenium and get your libido up faggot.

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Killing my libedo, follow up