Mad family told uncle could live for me two weeks

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6 Comments

Back story:

I just got a new house at 26, first one out of college. I have an uncle who’s moving back from California and dosen't have anywhere to stay. So my parents, behind my back and had no dialogue with me, told him it was OK.

I don’t want him to. He’s a loser. He’s 60, dosen’t know how to respect boundaries, the last two times I let him borrow my car, he got in a fender-bender, then got an expensive ticket he couldn’t pay. He snores so loud, he sticks, his humor is crude and childish, I don’t want him at my place.

I told them this (while refraining from cursing at them). This only caused them to be defiant and say “they don’t know where else he can stay and they feel bad for him.” So throw this useless burden on me? No! Then they called me selfish.

My question is how do I prevent this from happening? Would I be wrong to my uncle not to come to my house (which would make him salk) or is it rude?

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58% Normal
Based on 12 votes (7 yes)
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Comments ( 6 )
  • Boojum
    4 years ago

    It sounds like your uncle isn't the only member of your family who takes advantage of people and has problems with boundaries.

    I think it comes down to you making a decision on what's more important to you: not upsetting the uncle and members of your family that have foisted him on you, or sharing your new home only with those you want to have around.

    Given what you say about the guy, I have to wonder if he really will be with you for only two weeks. If you decide that, on balance, it would be better for you to accept him as a house-guest, you need to think about what you're going to do if he should have huge, mysterious problems when he's trying to find a place of his own, and he decides that he'll take the easy route and just stay with you permanently - or at least for much longer than a couple of weeks.

    If you decide not to accept him into your house, tell your relatives who made the offer of your house in your name and tell him directly that it's not convenient for you to put him up. Freeloaders are pretty shameless, though, and I wouldn't be at all surprised if he shows up anyway. You need to think through how you'll handle that situation too.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      4 years ago

      So my dad told me he was joking, but it was a very irritating joke. Truly I think he was just passing him off on me.

      My dad abhors him being at his house, since my uncle isn’t very courteous: he takes long showers, goes down to the kitchen in the night, vapes in the house, etc. My dad has asked to spend the night at my place, and I declined. It’s really his fault for letting this happen.

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      • Boojum
        4 years ago

        The line between pranking and being an obnoxious asshole is always thin. What's worse, there are people who are incapable of recognising when they've stepped over it, and try to avoid taking responsibility for causing annoyance or hurt by telling their victim that they should lighten up or stop being so gullible.

        Obviously, I have no idea of the dynamics of your relationship with your father and what prompted him to do this, but maybe there's a part of him that resents the fact that you don't have to put up with your uncle invading your space, while he does.

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  • RoseIsabella
    4 years ago

    Tell your parents to let him stay with them, and sleep on their couch. When your uncle contacts you tell him that you're sorry that your parents misinformed him, but you cannot accept him in your home at this time. Suggest to him that perhaps he can sleep at your parents' house on the couch or on the floor in a sleeping bag.

    Also tell your parents not to speak for you. Tell them that you will not accommodate any promises they make to other people on your behalf about which they have not consulted with you first.

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  • Musicdawnlover_
    4 years ago

    It sounds like he likes to take advantage. He's that type of family members. But since it's your house you have the right. You tell him that he's not allowed to come. Talk to your parents and ask if he can sleep at their place. You have the right he doesn't. Your also in your twenties so you can make the choice. And no your not being selfish. I have family members like this. There so annyoing and plain out rude. I hope this helps. Love Dawn

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  • [Old Memory]
    4 years ago

    Just tell him no. Even if he shows up at your door, you don't have to let him in. No one has any business making promises on your behalf, and it's absurd to think that you should be bound to bear an obligation like this that you didn't consent to.

    If anyone asks further questions, just tell them the truth. You have perfectly good reasons, and it's not like you never gave the man a chance.

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