Modern feminism makes me scared to approach women

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I feel like a lot of women would be scared off if I approached them. I'm not ugly, I just tend to "freeze" around women I find attractive, due to modern feminists saying how being constantly hit on makes them uncomfortable.

I want to date, and I want to compliment attractive women on how they look, but I don't want to be slapped in the face and/or kicked in the balls for doing so.

I also have a peeing fetish which i'm even more scared of admitting to any potential date. I know i'd have to admit this some time later (ie when I sleep with her for the first time, which almost certainly won't be the first date), but it's still something i'm extremely apprehensive about.

Any advice?

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71% Normal

Based on 35 votes (25 yes)

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Comments ( 76 )

Ummitsstillme

5 years ago

Maybe hold off on bringing up fetishes and kinks until a few dates in.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  5 years ago
  
  Yeah, I know. The pee thing definitely isn't something to admit on the first date. I'm cool with that.
  
  It's just the nerves I need to get over. I'm shy if you couldn't already tell :P
  
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CozmoWank

5 years ago

Afraid to approach women?
#metoo.

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- NeurotickleMePink
  
  5 years ago
  
  Amazingness!
  
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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  5 years ago
  
  This is brilliant! I love jokes like these.
  
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- EnglishLad
  
  5 years ago
  
  Love it!
  
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[Old Memory]

5 years ago

Don’t be scared. Just be who you are. I’m a modern feminist and I can tell you that you wouldn’t offend me at all. There’s a difference between being nervous or flirting, and actual harassment. That’s what feminists are talking about. Guys who lift up girls skirts or wolf whistle at us. Giving an honest compliment is not going to offend most women.

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- NeurotickleMePink
  
  5 years ago
  
  A lot of women will SAY this, and then in the moment, decide they'd rather get the attention from their peers and friends than whatever dude they're with. And because it's encouraged to, "#metoo" it up, and gets us women tons of positive feedback and attention, it's become a trend..less stable women are prone to a FOMO of sorts..
  
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  - [Old Memory]
    
    5 years ago
    
    I really don’t get what you’re saying. If a guy gives me an honest compliment I’ll say thank you. But yes, I view my friends as more important than a random guy at the store.
    
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EnglishLad

5 years ago

My kind of feminism:

Man earns £1000 monthly salary
Woman earns £1000 monthly salary

Man gets punched in the face
Woman gets punched in the face

Man has the right to dress as he pleases in public without fear of molestation
Woman has the right to dress as she pleases in public without fear of molestation

Man has the right to stand for parliament
Woman has the right to stand for parliament

If you don't understand this, don't converse with me

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[Old Memory]

5 years ago

I’m sure there are water-sport dating sites. Two birds, one puddle.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  5 years ago
  
  Dating sites are full of fake profiles, so you never get any luck, and you have to pay money to be able to send and receive messages.
  
  I want to find a regular girl through the normal route, introduce her to my fetish gently and see if she's into it, and hope to God she is. At least that way I can be sure that she's a real person.
  
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  - [Old Memory]
    
    5 years ago
    
    Yeah well that’s a challenge.
    
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    - sillygirl77
      
      5 years ago
      
      exactly. I'd think most random women wouldn't be into it.
      
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      - [Old Memory]
        
        5 years ago
        
        Agree.
        
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  - NeurotickleMePink
    
    5 years ago
    
    Good luck. Especially with the peeing thing AND capitalizing the word god...one or the other, man.
    
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barstool

5 years ago

Like others said, definitely keep control of your bladder until the time is right. And imo, it's going to be more than a few dates in. I think the potential for a relationship would have to be pretty well established before the fetish talk happens and even then, be gentle putting it out there.

But as for the rest, it's normal. I think you can do it a few ways. Either just don't approach women and go tinder or internet, which seems really feasable these days. I have no experience there, but everyone does it, don't they?

That way, at least you know in advance the women want to talk to you and possibly more. So it'll build up your confidence to eventually approach women irl.

If you don't do that, my advice is start of small and build up your confidence. So don't expect to get dates straight away. Aim to just have a fun conversation and when you get to the stage where you can pull that off and stay completely relaxed, then amp it up and maybe ask a girl for a date.

Also, you have to be totally okay with rejection. Lastly, wanting to compliment women is fine as long as that's literally all you want a do. Because I guarantee you this, if you go up to a woman and tell her she's beautiful, there is very little chance a date will arise out of that.
However, if you want to do that just for the sake of it, to build your confidence and hopefully make a girl feel good, then I don't see any harm.

Just don't push for a conversation or a date, because ime *stranger's compliments only work when the stranger walks away almost immediately. Otherwise it gets creepy fast*.

Alright..fuck..didn't mean to rant.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  5 years ago
  
  Thank you for your intelligent response. I appreciate the rant.
  
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  - barstool
    
    5 years ago
    
    No problem at all and I wish you the best of luck. You're definitely not alone in feeling anxious about it.
    And I forgot, re: feminism It's hard for men these days, because we get very mixed messages about this stuff. I think the best way is to just act according to your own standards. Men shouldn't be ashamed of our masculinity or apologetic for being a man, as long we're respectful and generally decent.
    
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    - NeurotickleMePink
      
      5 years ago
      
      Amen!
      
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    - Alichael
      
      5 years ago
      
      Good response. All men should remember the "as long as we're respectful and decent" part. And being respectful means, automatically and no questions asked, accepting that no means no when she says no. There are still guys that don't get that.
      
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- NeurotickleMePink
  
  5 years ago
  
  This was a really good comment!
  
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jack_shephard

5 years ago

Everything is normal except that "peeing fetish" part. But anyway most womens like to hit on.

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nikkiclaire

5 years ago

That is my advice. Lots of women like that. You are normal.

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nikkiclaire

5 years ago

Ask us

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  5 years ago
  
  Ironically, I did!
  
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  - NeurotickleMePink
    
    5 years ago
    
    Mehh that's not irony but it is worth a chuckle :)
    
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  - nikkiclaire
    
    5 years ago
    
    Hey true. That is cute.
    
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RoseIsabella

5 years ago

You had me until you mentioned the peeing fetish garbage.

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- NeurotickleMePink
  
  5 years ago
  
  I didn't think I'd be into pee stuff but I am with my current boyfriend whom I am very in love with.
  
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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  5 years ago
  
  I get that it's not your kink. It's not for everyone... But this is exactly the kind of reaction I fear most when it comes to finally admitting to it.
  
  My fetish isn't going to go away, and I really don't want the girl I potentially end up dating to run for the hills when I tell her about it, because it will take a hell of a lot of guts to admit.
  
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  - NeurotickleMePink
    
    5 years ago
    
    Right?! Some of these women are confirming the fear you came here to discuss! Enter: the "modern feminist". Emotionally unintelligent, entitled jerks who assume they can speak to men in a rude way bc they're men but crumble and RAGE if a man isn't doing all but wearing a pussy hat to show how fem loving he is.
    
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  - RoseIsabella
    
    5 years ago
    
    Well, regardless of how you feel about your fetish she has the right to run for hills if she's not into it. There's nothing you can, or should do to stop someone from leaving if they're turned off. Other people have the right to be true to themselves.
    
    Watch less pee porn online, and you will feel better, dude.
    
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    - Alichael
      
      5 years ago
      
      Women do have that right to ignore a guy and walk away if he makes her uncomfortable. Telling her that it took you a lot of guts to approach her is not going to impress her if she's not into you. That's a mistake I made a couple of times when I was younger, I told her that it took me a lot of courage to come and talk to her and I expected that to change her mind about not being attracted to me because I "fought my fear" of approaching her. This was when I was like 18, I hadn't learned all the basics yet about women when I was only 18.
      
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      5 years ago
      
      I'll watch pee porn all I like. I also have a right to stay true to myself. Thanks.
      
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      - NeurotickleMePink
        
        5 years ago
        
        Amen!! These "modern feminists", claim to be sooo open and progressive and all abput equality....until it doesn't fit their agenda. Then they're back to their basic ass bitch mannerisms.
        
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      - RoseIsabella
        
        5 years ago
        
        People, especially the women you might might met, still have a right to disapprove, and reject you if they so choose.
        
        So then if you are dating some poor girl, and you tell here about your fetish, but it disgusts her, what is she supposed to do? Just because you think it takes guts to admit to having a fetish doesn't mean the person you admit it to should be obligated to support, or even accept it. Surely you can't won't be surprised.
        
        If you're truly so afraid of rejection you should find out whether or not someone you like is okay with those sort of fetishes before you date them. Of course they might also tell other people. Honestly, if I was working in an office, and some guy who was trying to talk to me starting asking me what I thought of water sports I would tell him what I thought, but I would also tell my friends that he asked me about it.
        
        You might not like the things I say, but one thing's for sure, I ain't gonna lie to ya.
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        5 years ago
        
        I'm not the sort of guy who would force someone to squat over me and pee, nor would I insist that she strips naked and gets in the bathtub or shower and lets me pee on her. Consent is a huge thing for me too. I get it.
        
        All I'm saying is that I'd be depressed if after all the effort of having brought myself to admit that pee turns me on the way it does, she turns around and runs for the hills because then I'd have to start the long, arduous process of looking for a date again.
        
        Anyway, you said you were with me up to the point that I mentioned my fetish, so, disregarding the pee thing, how do I approach attractive women in today's society?
        
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    - NeurotickleMePink
      
      5 years ago
      
      That's awful advice...
      
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      - RoseIsabella
        
        5 years ago
        
        Not really, porn is garbage.
        
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    - nikkiclaire
      
      5 years ago
      
      😆😆 don't be harsh Rose.
      
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      - RoseIsabella
        
        5 years ago
        
        I'm a harsh smoke. Once a girl in college said I was crunchy.
        
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      - Anonymous Post Author
        
        5 years ago
        
        Isn't she lovely... Isn't she won-der-ful xD
        
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nikkiclaire

5 years ago

I know at least 4 girls on this site that are into pee play. You would be surprised at two of them.

They are out there. It is actually a very common kink.

It's way more intimate than sex tho so please respect the women. Also it is easier to get a woman to do this with a women than a man. A woman peeing is cute but a man is just gross. Sorry that is how it is.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  5 years ago
  
  20Jen98, ThickKitty, You, and 2 others? Which other two?
  
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  - nikkiclaire
    
    5 years ago
    
    I don't want to betray peoples confidence.
    
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IrishPotato

5 years ago

I feel ya. But here's the thing, anyone who's a scary modern feminist type is someone who you never want to be with in the first place. These people really aren't the brightest of the brightest, if you know what I mean. And you shouldn't be afraid to put them in their place when you encounter one of those things every now and then.

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iamamber

5 years ago

Why do so many man nowadays think women don't like to be "bothered"? That's not true, especially if they like you, they would enjoy your company. If she's a "lady" she would wait for a guy to talk to her and she won't jump on him like a h*e. If you go talk to a girl and you're polite, but she tells you to "f*ck off", it's because she's an arrogant b*itch- you don't need her and try not to get affected. I personally try to be friendly with all guys who make the effort to come talk to me and if I'm not interested I will politely reject them, sometimes even with a lie such as "I have a boyfriend" and stuff like that, but always trying not to be arrogant, because then this guy will be scared to talk to other girls who might actually be attracted to them. And I know how hard it is to go talk to someone you don't know. But, you should always be kind and don't press them too much. And yeah don't talk about fetishes on first dates.

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bigbudchonga

5 years ago

Modern feminism is so cancerous, it really is one of the most twisted movements the West has going on. They've become the monster they were created to hate. You can try and watch out for telltale signs like certain hairctus, but generally how are you to know right? The movement seems to be dying at least, people see just how bad it is, but in the mean time ye it's grim out there.

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- [Old Memory]
  
  5 years ago
  
  You’re talking about femanazism, not true feminism.
  
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  - bigbudchonga
    
    5 years ago
    
    The general direction it's been pushing in is femanizism, most people seem to be shifting to egalitarianism. Best of luck if you stay with feminism, but I think the apple's to rotten to save.
    
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    - [Old Memory]
      
      5 years ago
      
      How so? Most feminists I’ve talked to seem to be just fine with men so long as they aren’t misogynistic asses. What have you seen to make you condemn the whole movement?
      
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      - bigbudchonga
        
        5 years ago
        
        Their general condemnation of free speech, they seem to fight boogeymen that don't exist like the patriarchy and a gender pay gap based on sexism. The thing that really gets to me is that they go on about toxic masculinity; mostly when I see it talked about they just use it to rip on guys and tell us effectively not be what men naturally are, and then they hide under this pretence of "helping us" and "feminism is just about equality" when it's clearly not. Also I know this is a bit less important but one of my good friends became a feminist and he's completely lost his sense of humor and tries to police all our language and doesn't even think certain people should be protected under free speech. Then ironically he goes on about "I'm pro free speech" whilst being really against it. The movement seems rife with hypocrisy. I have met some rational feminists though, I know all of them aren't like that.
        
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        [Old Memory]
        
        5 years ago
        
        The patriarchy does exist. Society has definitely improved in the last 100 years when it comes to just treatment of women, but our culture is still mostly man dominated.
        As for masculinity, I think you’re misinterpreting what they’re trying to do. If a man wasn’t to be masculine then he should definitely be allowed. But toxic masculinity is when society expects men to be tough and manly all the time and not have a right to express their emotions. An example of toxic masculinity in our culture is how people call a man “pussy” when he cries. Just because he’s a man doesn’t mean he needs to act like a stereotypical tough guy all the time.
        
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      - Anonymous Post Author
        
        5 years ago
        
        Idk I'm just a shy guy anyway with a fear of rejection. Lots of women these seem to think they have a divine right to everything simply because they have a vagina. I don't want to be kicked in the balls for "invading their space".
        
        Kudos to you if you aren't one of these types of women I refer to.
        
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jethro

5 years ago

Give this girl a shout out. perhaps you two can work out a deal.
https://www.isitnormal.com/post/i-am-never-hit-on-does-this-mean-i-am-ugly--267588

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Listen

5 years ago

Your initial concern is approaching women and you're already worrying about announcing a pee fetish? I think you're thinking a little too far in advance. It won't seem embarrassing when the time is right with anyone.

I wouldn't want your struggle to approach women because of feminism be normalised. Battle it. Not many women are the type to react in a dreaded fashion if you're not a creep. And if they do, you won't want to associate with them anyway.

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lordofopinions

5 years ago

First you have to meet the girl. Grow a pair and just say "hello" to one. You can add a comment about your surroundings (sure is crowded in here) or even something mundane as the weather (sure is hot today). If she comes back with a comment that's a start. Then you can introduce yourself. Hopefully she will respond with her name. Work up to (not immediately) getting her phone number. It's not rocket science.

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[Old Memory]

5 years ago

I'm one of them!

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_Mehhhh_

5 years ago

Men being awkward approaching women long predates the era of batshit crazy 4th wave feminism. It's you, not most women (many of whom quietly don't care for contemporary feminism).

I don't know what to suggest really other than seek tips online or advice on how to flirt. Practice.

The pee fetish thing though, eh I imagine that's a bad look to most women. Might want to try getting over that haha

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  5 years ago
  
  I guess I will have to try and sort my shyness out, but the pee fetish thing isn't going to change. I will stay true to myself, I just want to be able to bring it up (circumstance permitting) without feeling awkward.
  
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Are You Normal?

Modern feminism makes me scared to approach women