Mother throwing a tantrum

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10 Comments

Is it normal that my mother freaked out over this: last night I was out with my friends and hadn't slept more than 5 hours so I had a busy day and was very tired when my friends and I parted. I cleaned up after everything and left dishes on the worktop counter instead of in the garden where they were. I went to bed as I had already emptied and loaded the dishwasher that same day neither of my two brothers did anything. I'm in bed ready to go asleep and my dad opens the door and asks me to load the dishwasher, I tell him I didnt sleep well at all last night was out all day and am very tired and I'll do it when I get up in the morning. He didn't have a problem with that, the next day I get up late and go to the kitchen the first thing my dad says to me is to clean up the kitchen before you eat. And I said I'll do it after breakfast which seemed reasonable as I was starving and it wouldn't make much of a difference whether I ate first or after. This somehow started a fight in which I gave up and loaded the dishwasher. It was full before I could put away all the dishes. I put on the dishwasher. Then my mother screamed up to my room extremely angrily that I left a pistachio packet on the table.. I ignored her as she was screaming at me over a left out wrapper and I had just been reprimanded for wanting to eat breakfast before I cleaned the kitchen. She then came up to my room and threw a blanket at me that I'd left (in a basket) in the kitchen. She was also clearly throwing a tantrum, I went downstairs to see her stacking dishes angrily on a worktop because the dishwasher was full. I asked if she was "angrily doing the kitchen" to which she replied yes and then I said I already loaded the dishwasher so I dont know why I'm such a bad guy here. She then started shouting about the fact I'd left wrappers on the table and I said why are you shouting over wrappers. She said then that it's not just wrappers it's the kitchen.. again I cleaned it the previous day no problem I loaded the dishwasher yet she was still angry and so I left the kitchen and she began to storm angrily between rooms now with tears in her eyes.. my dad said that dinners ready and she then said she doesn't want to eat dinner as she's in a huff.

Am I going crazy, this all felt like an insane reaction whilst I continuously did what was explicitly asked of me.. I dont understand what I was meant to do I loaded the dishwasher before I ate like I was asked. And it's all just fucking kitchen work why is this such a big deal like it completely ruined the mood in the house.

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Based on 4 votes (2 yes)
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Comments ( 10 )
  • CreativeMinds69
    3 years ago

    Holy shit...

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  • jethro
    3 years ago

    Just move out now and pay for your own place, food, college and entertainment. Then you don't have to deal with it. Sounds like a simple solution.

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  • Schizotravestie
    3 years ago

    if you invite people to your parents, you tidy up and clean everything. it is very simple.
    there is no point in leaving dirty dishes lying around. the dishes you wash them. and you put it away.

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  • Mini69
    3 years ago

    I don’t know what the gas light thing means that you keep going on about, perhaps it’s an American phrase which means something on your side of the pond. What I do know is families can be complicated. My advice is work out what the boundaries and expectations are for your situation, manipulate them as best you can to get by for the time being and work on what you need to do to leave home. We only get one shot at life and our individual circumstances often determine us not to follow our preferred choices in life. That doesn’t mean we can’t succeed and become successful. My own path through life could not have been more different than the one I had planned, but I took the ball by the horns and womaned up to the challenges I needed to overcome in order to succeed. I did things that scared the hell out of me and could have destroyed me, but I stayed strong and determined and made a success of my life. You can do the same, you just got to have faith in yourself, and a lot of determination.

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  • Mini69
    3 years ago

    Do your parents have really old fashioned views and think you should do the kitchen because you’re a girl, but your brothers don’t have to because men don’t do domestic stuff?

    Me and my brother who is 2 years older than me were brought up by our grandparents after our mum died. They had those old fashioned values and even though I was a bit of a Tomboy, and would spend hours messing about in my grandfather’s carpentry workshop. When it came to helping with domestic chores I would have heaps to do, help with cooking, washing up, cleaning and laundry were all part of my chores. My brother had to put the bins out for the bin men once a week, cut the grass in the summer once a week and keep his room tidy which included putting his dirty laundry in the wicker basket for me to wash.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      3 years ago

      I'm actually a guy, I'm the youngest but I'm not sure that matters. I do often feel hard done by in minor ways but it's so hard to judge as gas lighting is a real possibility or I'm just wrong and the boundaries I would like to establish are over reactions or me being selfish. Either way I frequently feel guilty when I speak my mind because I'm told I'm being pushy, selfish, unhelpful etc. I try my best to be helpful and I take great pride in being a kind person, I feel as if I'm stretched to breaking point when I'm at home and no real consideration is given to my needs when I explain I'm too tired to do xyz its rarely met with anything other than an eyeroll.

      I find it interesting that as soon as I could, I chose to move out of my house for college, none of my brothers did. I had a huge amount of fights with my mother for about a year and none of my brothers did. I know in my heart I'm a considerate person but I don't feel that way at home a lot of the time. Then if I ever explain any of this my mother will get offended and cry and I learnt to shut up and don't express how you feel if you're upset because as soon as I try my mother gets upset because she thinks I'm calling her a bad mother and this seems to trigger her massively.

      Its complicated I guess.

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  • [Old Memory]
    3 years ago

    You talk like doing it once makes you the week long hero

    Can I ask what's the point behind loading the dishwasher full and not starting it?

    Maybe try consistently doing little things, that would take some stress away from your caregivers and make it not so difficult for yourself

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      3 years ago

      I do consistently help out.. I cleaned all the dishes from the entire kitchen and emptied them out when they were done earlier that day, I was then out all day therefore didnt contribute to any mess until I brought my friends over to the garden (social distancing an all) I cleared everything out of the garden that night and I think the dishwasher was full which is why I didnt put them in. Then I went to bed and when I woke up, well you know the rest if you read the post.

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  • Somenormie
    3 years ago

    Her doing that isn't normal at all.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      3 years ago

      I told my brother what happened and he agrees, I realised something today. I'm unable to be angry or upset about this because that just makes her throw more tantrums and complain that I'm making things a big deal and starting fights. When in reality I'm attempting to communicate to her that a particular way in which she is acting- I find upsetting and that I would like to talk about it for the sake of our relationship. She is always triggered regardless of how I approach this and will often end up crying which makes me feel like a horrible son when all I'm trying to do is communicate and establish some boundaries and find compromise. I'm studying psychology and I understand what healthy communication looks like, I have it with my brothers and my friends and it's very enriching. I love my mother dearly but today she completely ruined my day, at one point I felt both sad and emotionally numb as my dad whistled in the kitchen as if nothing happened while a storm was brewing in my chest and my head felt like it was melted. I feel gaslighted as if I'm awful for being so greedy and selfish with my time by not helping out enough. Its not intentional gaslighting but its confusing and distressing. Sorry for this venty reply but I'm quite upset atm.

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