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I finally realized I am suffering from BPD (borderline personality disorder), I am 60 and sit in my apt all day. Fear of meeting someone and not knowing how to act. I've met one person and I can talk to her easily, she's 76, ..IS 76 too old? she really likes me, or she just needs me. we both live in an old folk home. or is it my BPD saying I need her?
Bpd lessens dramatically as you age. Sitting in your house afraid of people at 60 is definitely something that should be looked into, but it isn’t anything like bpd.
A Bpd will meet too many people much of the time if anything, it’s a disorder marked by tremendous impulsivity, not tremendous inhibition.
This is something you should discuss with a therapist, anonymous forum users cannot tell you what is rational and what is a BPD side effect.
What I will say is that whether or not someone is too old for you is your decision alone to make. Don’t let other people’s opinions rule your life.
This.
Make sure your therapist is experienced in helping people with BPD.
Nothing need hold you back. Nothing has substantially changed since before you knew that everything that was messing up your relationships had a collective diagnostic name. You are still the same person.
Use the name as a tool to help you in your recovery, because recovery IS possible. It is long-term though, and you have to want it, and to trust your therapist. From my own experiences with having BPD-like symptoms of my own, I have found that far fewer of my friendships have gone south since I have learned with a therapist and many YT videos, podcasts and articles to recognise what kinds of thoughts/feelings/urges I have and when, and which ones are prompted by BPD-wiring, and how to change my perspective or distract myself away from them. But it's a long journey and I am not near the end of it! I have only seen the beginnings of health. Without therapy and medication though, I doubt I would have made half as much progress.
It is a very big first step to know and own that you have BPD. Even if you cannot fully manage the condition - even if you only know that you have it - an understanding, stable person may still be able to sustain a deep and lasting friendship with you as long as you can both agree to some ground rules. My strategy for it not going south is not letting it get deep. You may crave one special friend, but you know how these things go. There is safety in numbers, as long as the people who make up those numbers are good people. Perhaps if you befriend a family, or a bunch of siblings, you won't feel put out if you feel like the 'least liked' member in the friendship group, plus you'll see an example of how family life works under different people's roofs. It's amazing to me how differently other people live. When one-on-one with someone, make the call as to whether you can deal with the emotional fallout of whatever it is you do with or say to them. Whatever you do or say, there will be a response. Can you predict what that might be, and if your prediction were right, could you deal with it emotionally without doing something that they might find awkward? Idk if that's good advice; it's just a rule-of-thumb that I use on myself.
If you know that you have BPD and are able to recognise and manage your BPD-originated thoughts/feelings/urges yourself though, the sense of freedom is real, and I just catch glimpses of it. The other person is scarcely aware of your fears that they might ditch you when those fears raise their ugly head. Remember your self-soothing strategies, and all they need know is that you're taking a 'toilet break'...
Well you may have found a new friend. If you're worried that you bpd is acting up talk to your doctor.
By the way OP, I have just found this short video from a cutesy pop psychology channel I like. I saw it and remembered your post and came back:
https://youtu.be/srWnj8l-NkA
It's about recognising how our own emotional toxicity to other people might be unintentional, and it helps us to recognise ways of interacting that we might be able to change. It will hopefully reassure you that you are not simply a 'shoddy person' and that you can make specific changes to help people feel good about their interactions with you. And over time, hopefully you will feel better around them too!
I wish you well, co-recoverer. I can't be your therapist or guide you through this closely myself, but it's good to know that we are both committed to change and growth, and to coming to terms with the truth, no matter how strange or hard to accept it may be.
Why not just say hello and try not to think about where it might go?
That way you don't put pressure on yourself.
76 ain't too old for you. If you two really do like each other just let the love happen.