My ex keeps leaving and coming back

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Me and my ex dated years ago. He has some issues, hes very restless cant commit to anything always quitting jobs etc and when he's not on meds he has anger outbursts.
We were just friends for a long time and then he pretty much ghosted me 5 years ago. Our friendship had been unstable for a few months.

Last year he popped back into my life through a text message. We started talking like friends again. Then all of a sudden he demanded i'm his girlfriend and ended up being a dick about it for no reason so we stopped talking. He has since apologized. Last week he happened to be back in town and asked to see me. Very unexpected, 5 years since I last saw him. I went outside and there he was. He seemed high but I hope not since he'd been driving. Now we are talking again. Yesterday I texted him and I got drunk and we texted all evening. Now I feel ashamed of it.
He's always going to do this because I know him. He keeps leaving and coming back unexpectedly. It is painful for me but he's the one person I cant let go. I usually have no issue cutting people off because i'm an introvert who doesnt really need anyone, but he's different to me. He knows this and seems to find it funny.
When I saw him again he mentioned finding love is hard, he gets hurt everytime. Maybe that is why he comes back to me...
I like to believe he loves me too but if he did he'd stop disappearing all the time. I dated a guy with ADHD a while back who was willing to go on meds to stop having a hard time staying put just so he wouldnt lose me, but we didnt work out because of other reasons. Point is I know someone who really cared would fight for me. Yet I cant let him go not even during the 4 year period we had no contact... So how do I get over him?

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Comments ( 9 )
  • SkullsNRoses
    1 year ago

    This cycle will continue until you break it. He will keep mistreating you, leaving you and then returning for another round for as long as you allow him to.

    It sounds like you will have to go cold turkey, tell him you don’t want to be his friend anymore then delete and block him on everything. Change your number if you have to.

    It will not be easy but your choice is that or yet another round of disrespect and humiliation.

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  • 1234tellmethatyoulovememore
    1 year ago

    He's abusing you and you deserve better. This is emotional abuse and he's finding humor in torturing you. You need to tell him to leave you alone and block his number and cut off all contact. Stop drinking and taking any substances so your constitution stays strong. I'm not accusing you of being a substance abuser I just don't know the entire situation and what is entirely at play.

    If he keeps bothering you, tell him you will get a restraining order. If he doesn't stop, follow through with it. He needs to leave you alone and this kind of behavior needs to be nipped in the bud.

    Trust me, this man is not your true love and there is no future with him. The person you are meant to be with won't treat you this way. He needs to learn how to treat other people and you will probably help get it through his head this isn't how you treat partners. Even if you don't, at the end of the day it ultimately isn't your problem.

    I really hope you stay safe <3

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      1 year ago

      I almost never drink lol, had like 3 glasses and got affected by it a lot since I drink so little usually. But thanks for the advice and support. Appreciate it.

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  • 1234tellmethatyoulovememore
    1 year ago

    You have three people, complete strangers, who seem to care more about your well being than this guy who is supposed to be in a relationship with you. And they're all telling you he's bad for you and it's just going to get worse just by the little info you gave.

    That should tell you something about the type of person he is.

    There are people out there who will love you the way you are supposed to be.

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  • kelili
    1 year ago

    You should love yourself better.

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  • Anonymous Post Author
    1 year ago

    I know and many times i've decided i'm over him but then he comes back and immadiately I become different. I feel like this time will be different and if I just am very careful I dont say anything wrong he cant get mad and leave or bored and leave but it never works and then I feel its my fault. I just want things to be like they used to. I can forget but everytime its like he feels it and he comes back.

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    • olderdude-xx
      1 year ago

      I suggest that you change your phone number. Do not leave a publicly known phone change message. Just tell your personal friends and family, and not him. Tell anyone who he might know that they are to protect your phone number from him.

      If you are renting I would also suggest you move at the end of your lease, and again don't leave a forwarding address.

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      • Anonymous Post Author
        1 year ago

        We never use phone number, only facebook messenger. I dont know if he has my number but probably does since its public information. Hes not a stalker though... He'd probably stop bothering if I blocked him. Dont know since ive never blocked him but probably.. Its just really hard for me because I care about him.

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        • olderdude-xx
          1 year ago

          I care about a lot of people that I recognize that I cannot help with where they are at because of the choices they made and their attitudes.

          It's tough to move past those and put them in the past. It's also part of growing up (becoming more mature) as well.

          His involvement in your life appears mainly disruptive and negative. I believe it's time for you to let go and move on.

          Find someone else in life to care about even if its a cat, dog, some other pet; or by assisting other people (Lots of opportunities to volunteer in organizations that help people (in all kinds of different ways).

          Of course finding another "special someone" usually takes time - and most often occurs by participating in group activities that you enjoy.

          I'd change your phone number before blocking him on Facebook and any other social media. That prevents him from using that method to contact you.

          I wish you the best

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