My "friend" bullies me; how do i distance myself from him?

11 Comments

I'm friends with someone, let's call him A, and A is friends with B. However B, who I thought was my friend, has started pretty much bullying me for things such as my anxiety, my accent, my sexuality, my looks and my depression (even though he claims to have depression too). Last week he commented on a post about me saying "ew that faggot should just kill himself". Since B is friends with A and they always hang out together, I'm struggling to distance myself from B without losing A. I've talked to B about bullying me for my sexuality and he seems to have stopped, but he's started bullying me for other things instead. I don't know how I can get away from him without upsetting A. Would appreciate ANY help as I'm at breaking point and am close to just ending it all tbh.

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Comments ( 11 )
  • RoseIsabella
    4 years ago

    That's probably just that stupid guy's personality. You can try to distance yourself from him, but the odds are you might end up losing both friends.

    I wish I had some better advice for you on this. The main thing that is coming up for me is that I used to be part of a clique of about four, or five women, when I stopped being friends with one of them, and then I kinda ended up losing all of them as friends. It's not pleasant, but these things do happen. What probably matters the most is how you handle it when friendships breakup, or simply dissolve.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      4 years ago

      That's really good advice, thank you so much.

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      • RoseIsabella
        4 years ago

        Thanks very much, and you are most welcome.

        Do you have any hobbies, or interests on which you could take a class, and thereby enjoy an activity outside of these friendships? I think if you can diversify your friend portfolio it would be a good thing.

        Have you ever called up the friend known as A, the one who doesn't bully you, and invited him, or her to an activity?

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          4 years ago

          I do have some hobbies such as video games and have made friends both in real life and online through that. I also play guitar but I do that in a one-to-one lesson.

          Friend A often comes over to play Halo and stuff with me so I try to subtly bring up the issues over friend B when we do that. On Saturday I discussed it with A in a Discord call for a while and he said he didn't realise how bad it was and he would try speaking to B on my behalf.

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          • RoseIsabella
            4 years ago

            Well, I hope it works out.

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  • Nikclaire
    4 years ago

    Sounds like neither are your friends if A doesn't stick up for you.

    There are plenty of people to be friends with. Don't let two people define you or lead you to some drastic measure. They ultimately won't suffer. B is an asshole and A choses to hang with said asshole, so what does that make them? Just go make some new friends.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      4 years ago

      A is my friend, I don't think he sees what B is doing to be honest. I'll talk to him about it. Thank you so much for the advice.

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  • CDmale4fem
    4 years ago

    Look at the big picture. You are going to persimmons have that kind of control over you that you would consider "ending it all" because of some douchebag asshole ? Usually in situations you can say "the enemy of my enemy is my friend". However I would say that since A continues to associate and hang out with B, if A was a true friend then A would tell B that it's fucked up he feels he has to put others down in a desperate attempt to make himself feel better. As a bully, he is probably very insecure, is afraid of people knowing the real him. It may be that he still wets the bed, he might have a micro penis, or maybe he is in love with his sister, who knows. But he's afraid of scared of people finding out something about him or his past. Now, I would tell A that as much as you appreciate their friendship, you cannot continue being friends with someone who so willingly associate with someone that is such a douche. There are more people out there you can make friends with. Just do be shy to go our and just say hi to people when you are walking or at a park.

    I tell myself as far as relationships go, and this still holds true here for you, "I would rather be alone forthright reasons, than be friends with someone for the wrong".

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      4 years ago

      Thank you so so much for the advice. It was really good and made me laugh at times. I'm going to do what you suggest and tell A that i can't be his friend if he continues to associate with B. "I would rather be alone for the right reasons than be friends with someone for the wrong" is a really cool way of thinking about it.

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      • CDmale4fem
        4 years ago

        Good luck, Stand your ground. DON'T BACK DOWN. Don't let them intimidate you into things.

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  • gaz3912
    4 years ago

    When plan A fails, try plan B.

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