My friend just got pregnant and now i hate her

My cousin had a baby last year and all the family talked about was her and her baby. They were all like "Congratulations!", "you're so lucky" etc. etc. I then had to sit my university exams and didn't even get so much as a good luck message from them. When I passed I expected them to be as happy for me as they were for my cousin, but when I told them my news they just said "Oh, OK" and then changed the subject!
My point is this. Having a baby might be the most important thing in some people's lives, but can everyone please remember that some of us have other aims in life which are equally important to us. We don't constantly hound you with details of our lives and achievements so, if you're pregnant, please show the same courtesy. Your pregnancy may not be as important to us as it is to you.

People stop getting down her throat! She can't control how she feels, especially if she doesn't understand why she feels that way. She is obviously feeling guilty for having those feelings and she has done her best to keep them from her friend so as NOT to rain on her parade. She simply is trying to get at an explanation. Rant Over.

Bleh. I hate children too. My older sisiter always complained how right after high school (and even during) a bunch of people got pregnant. If she ever hung out with them or saw them, they would simply tell her all about their stupid friggin son. Women these days-_-'

You are annoyed because your friend is being very self absorbed.

Her whole life revolves around this baby now. She will have it, and in about a year she will be bored and maybe want, say, a bigger house that she can talk endlessly about. Or maybe a trip to Cancun will fill the void, then something else. You get the idea.

You seem happy living day to day with your husband. That's great!

LOL! I'm sorry to make light of it, but that is hilarious! Hey at least you admit it! I felt exactly the same way before I had kids. I hated kids, hated pregnant women. Pregnant women totally disgusted me and bored me with all their talk about babies and pregnancy! But then I got pregnant by accident and it changed my whole world. I don't feel that way anymore, now I actually enjoy talking to pregnant women! I think it's totally normal for you to feel this way. I definitel understand why you do!

Dude, don't beat yourself up. I think you're normal. It's annoying when people get wrapped up in their stupid baby fantasties. I am pregnant right now and I can't stand all the bloody carry-on that exists about babies. I am not even going to tell anyone I'm pregnant unless they ask because I know how utterly irritating and offensive the whole thing can be to people who are not pregnant and to those of us who have lost babies before and don't have children, or maybe people who can't have kids.... or people who just hate children (I sort of fall into the second and fourth categories). All this bullshit about being a parent... it's like it's the biggest production in the world but it's not!!! You should say to your friend.... you're not special just because someone ejaculated inside you!

Okay rant over.

Babe. Let it out. I say you're normal. WHY should you have to pretend to care about something in which you have NO interest???

Uhhhh I feel really tempted but I'm not going to read the other comments. Otherwise I'm gonna be here all night long, OPINIONIZING.(man that's a bitch of a word)

Anyway... I think there may be some issues there because you say you HATE her. I feel dislike would be okay and acceptable even. Hate is something that's a bit too strong to come from simple annoyedness.

Let me preface this next part by saying I'm not American or British, so I'm very much removed from those "western" cultures. However your cultural waves, esp. from America, are a massive influence on my country. And I feel like this whole motherhood thing is becoming really cultish. I've been getting really creepy vibes from over the pond... for example, from 'professional homemakers'. The state of being a parent has been turned into this whole career and TONS of literature (well, 'literature' IYKWIM) and media time are being dedicated to it.

I completely agree that being pregnant DOES NOT make you the most important person on the planet to everyone else. It's very understandable that an expectant mother will be highly excitable and her unborn child will probably become THE most important subject of her life at that time. However this is, nevertheless, huge egotism on her part. If she feels the need to devote every part of her to the child and child only, she really should find LIKE-MINDED women. Yes, children are a big thing, but a parent's wonder is a parent's wonder. You can't expect the world to ever be as enraptured as a mother is by her baby :)

From my point of view, you are completely normal. I personally wouldn't have a friend who was pregnant. And if a friend of mine ever did get pregnant, I would no longer continue being their friend. I'll admit I'm a selfish human being, and want to be of utmost importance to my friends and family. Children always take that away.
Going to childfree forums is really cool, cause you can make really good friends who feel the same way as you. It's hard being friends with people who want babies so much (the term for this behaviour is "baby rabies", which is what your friend seems to have ATM.)
There's nothing wrong with not liking babies and not liking it when friends have them.

Totally, Totally understand you! I've had 2 friends who have had kids in the past year and it is hell. The unusual thing is I have a son, I've been there, had the baby. But I did not feel the need to lose the ability to speak about anything else for the 9 months of pregnancy, nor did I feel the need to share details of every spit up, every poo, every boring moment of their sad, self obsessed days with my friends. I never did or still do not allow myself to be defined by the fact I am a mother, despite loving my son more than anything. These women started off painful but throughout the pregnancy and after their children were born it became excruciating. They are the only 2 of my friends to have had babies so far, but if its happened to them I am actually dreading it happening to more of my friends! I feel your pain.

Hi there, it is normal for you to feel this way. It is difficult in this world today to survive for ourselves and many people bring babies into the world for selfish reasons. You sound like a real sensible lady to me and you are lucky to be out of it. If these women want babies, let them carry on as long as you dont have to hear about it. I have no problem with women myself who want babies, thats up to them but If you dont want to hear all this stuff about her having this baby, keep your distance from this woman and limit the contact that way you cant get offended by what she says to you, you are in control, you dont have to listen to anything that upsets or angers you, good luck x

I feel repulsed that you hate her just because she is pregnant. Yes, i know how you feel but I got over that years ago, but now seeing how you feel about your friend is like seeing my past self. It's quite selfish and pathetic, but eventually you grow out of it, hopefully.

It's normal until you get ajusted to the new situation, specially if you don't have kids around in your family. But as I've learned about relationships of all kinds (family, friends, boyfriends, husband), is that despite all that, if you are a true friend and value this relationship you have to be suportive and respect their ideas, which in this case include a major change in life.
If this is too much for you (I really don't know how obsessive this person is about this situation), and you really are friends, you should have the openess to talk to them about it if you feel like your relationship as friends is being neglected.
If you are only acquaintances, maybe she won't respond well to this kind of talk, so maybe you should distance yourself a bit from the situation, if possible.
I don't think anyone should be hated by their choices, specially if it makes them happy. If she thinks having kids is the great project of her life, ler her be happy and don't make her feel self-conscious about something that is so natural for her.

Ps: english is not my natural language, sorry for the incongruences.

Yes it's normal. Kids are not your thing. Also in order to have ANY kind of relationship work you need give and take, sounds like all she wants to do is take take take take. I have a kid, but I have many things I'm interested in besides my kid. I can't imagine having any friends at all if I don't talk about anything but my kid with them. Do I expect them to hear about her a little? Sure but shes a HUGE part of my life! But if I am to expect my friends to want to hear about that aspect of my life I must be interested in hearing about theirs. Thats the problem I see. She doesn't seem interested in YOUR life at all. And let's not even get started about the way new moms seem to talk about bodily fluids.. I had times when I was a new mom that I couldn't control my urge to talk endlessly about babies.. so I did it online on babycenter! You know, where other people who feel that way are.

How can u hate your freind for being pregnant dont seem like a friend to me. It just selfish cause u dont like it doesnt mean u should hate your freind u sure u not jealous and just lying to yourself. Having a baby normal let her enjoy it at least.

Hi (this is my second comment) The reason why you are feeling like this could be cos you are jealous of pregnant women which if it is something you want is understandable and I can totally relate(I was very very jealous of pregnant women before I had my daugher) and I'm not at all ashamed to admit it either. I still get envious of them even now, and God knows why cause I've made a concious desicion that I do not want anymore children or perhaps subconsiously I do. If I'm being absolutly honest I am jealous of the attention that they get and they think the only think that people should talk about in their presense is "their pregnancy". One thing I have noticed though is the way men treat pregnant women, they will offer their seat to you or congratulate you before a women does well that was my experience anyway. I think the reason is The women who ahve been pregnant often think (and I include myself in this) Well I went through it and no-one bowed down to me or worshipped me and the one's who haven't been through it are jealous perhaps x

Doesn't sound like you really hate her. After all, you bothered to post your dilemma, which means you care. It's normal to not want kids, but not normal to hate others because they do. If you just feel like you can't relate to her anymore, tell her how you feel. If she cares about the friendship, she'll at least try not to alienate you.

Some Of These Comments Are Really Immature. I Never Would Have Thought Someone Could Hate Another Person Because They Are Pregnant. That's Kinda Like Saying I Hate You Because You Like Cheese Pizza!

What no-one has yet brought up is that you yourself are a human being. Which means you were a squaling, screaming baby yourself once and your parents had to put up with you crapping your nappy, throw your toys out the pram and suffer you until you reached the age of 30.

Fair enough you don't like kids but as you were a kid once.....well it's a bit like one of your parent's friends giving you filthy looks whenever they see you and saying "I hate you because you were once a baby!"

this is a rediculous story.
just dont hang out with her then. let her at least be happy even if your not.

I can't believe all these people who are saying to be happy for her and share in her excitement. Why is it necessary to be excited for Little Miss Knocked-up? Not everyone wants to deal with "The baby this, the baby that!" all the time, and when you're around repugnant women, that is ALL YOU HEAR. You shouldn't have to be excited or happy for her! Personally, I'd say drop her as a friend and find someone who doesn't have or want children. Those people are SO much more pleasant to be around!

Expecting a baby is such a special event because welcoming a child into the world ultimately means a continuation of that persons gene pool. It's natural for her to be excited by that. I also used to be anti kids and couldn't bring myself to hold a baby. I remember being pregnant - 2 months - and a friend of a friend came over with her newborn baby and handed it to me. I couldn't make myself take it from her. I was greeted with an uncomfortable silence and odd looks all round. I was so worried about it afterwards too because I thought it might be a sign of things to come when my own baby was born. I fell pregnant because of pressure from my husband to have a baby a year into our marriage. Anyway, I was always at odds with my first pregnancy, saying the most awful things like maybe I should have an abortion (I really regret being so horrible and should probably cut my tongue out). However, when my little boy was being born I almost lost him due to a very difficult birth. Somehow the little guy survived and later that night, when I held him alone for the first time, I felt utterly lost and afraid, but we soon bonded and now, I am a mom of two and wouldn't change my kiddies for the world. I won't say it's changed my feelings towards most other people's babies, I still don't like picking them up and coochie-ing over them (only my 4 mo old niece who has stolen my heart is the exception to this) and quite frankly, other people's children usually irritate me. I don't hate them though and I completely understand the excitement any mom to be feels. My second pregnancy was like that. Personally, I didn't like the extra attention at all, and used to get bloody incensed when strangers and even friends thought they had the right to touch my bump, it was an extremely personal experience for me, so I tend to agree that just because a woman is pregnant it doesn't mean she should be fussed over so much. I suppose though for family members it is an exciting experience to welcome a new family member into the fold.

I think that maybe you have strong feelings over this because it's a little close to home for you, she is your husbands friends wife, so there is a good chance you'll be seeing her often, and you are one of those people who are intimidated by children. Maybe because you're unsure of how to relate to them. I still do battle with that, my own kids being the exception. Perhaps you have fears that you need to address about what it's going to be like once the baby is born and she visits with it. Maybe you are afraid of being asked to hold it, or being expected to like it - or horror or horrors BABYSIT! Perhaps you don't look forward to having a toddler or impossible 3 yr old in your home who is throwing tantrums and running around with a snot nose. Those are the sort of things that used to put me off kids and still do in fact. I think you are probably feeling really angry because you are over-reacting due to the fact that you find your

She's obviously just excited like many other women would be, just because your opinion on baby matters is different to hers, doesn't mean you should hate her, perhaps you could talk to her about you issues and explain that perhaps she shouldn't talk about babies aroudn you.

It's normal to not want kids. It's normal to not like kids. It's normal to get annoyed at friends when ALL they talk about things you don't like.

What's NOT normal is being disgusted by a person you call a friend simply because they have something important going on that isn't you. What's NOT normal is expecting them to read your mind and shut up completely about their life event because it's not about you. What's NOT normal is how aggressively angry you are at your friend for having her own child....I mean, she's not forcing you to have a kid. She's not making you do anything. She's just excited about a major thing in her life. If you replace kid with puppy you'd probably feel fine...and that's not normal either!
I think you're being really childish. Maybe you need to grow up a little bit. You sound like an oldest sibling whos upset that mommy and daddy are having another and you won't be the center of attention anymore.

I voted no because I think most people would be fawning all over the pg friend and her (future) spawn. That said, I feel similar to you. Maybe part of your issue is because she may have played her husband, though, if he was truly worried he could have taken a more active role in birth control, too.

Though instead of disliking pg woman, I feel bad for her *because* as you put it "A nasty, needy, noisy thing is going to rip (the pg lady) apart and come into this world."

A neighbor sent a Christmas card last year announcing that she had "asked Santa for a real baby" along with the due date. My first thought was "oh that poor woman". I don't know why I even thought it in the first place. I mean -- She may have been thrilled, it may have been the thing that she wanted the most in life, but here's me I can't shake the "poor woman" feeling in all of it.

Not everything kids do or say is "cute", "precious", "sweet" or etc. Not everything kids do is wonderful, great, awesome or etc. So I also don't understand why society is so pro-kid. I mean - a little bit, sure. To the extent that it is -no.

Kids when they're behaving don't bother me much. However I feel really angry at even babies when they're acting out. Like the little snot at the restaurant. A mom, baby, dad and other people were at this place -- Mommy had *dared* to get up and leave from the table for like a minute (keep in mind, plenty of people to watch the brat) without permission from the little maggoty looking spawn who decided to punish both mommy and everyone in the restaurant by unleashing these huge angry wails with snot dripping off it's face. I'm an adult and I don't think I could wail that loud if I wanted to. Not scared tears, big angry, breathy howls. How *dare* mommy leave for like, 1 minute?! NO! Mommy must give *all* of her time to brat baby... no mommy - no going to the bathroom, no fixing your hair, no walking to the bar (I wouldn't blame you from drinking with that brat) or whatever else, no! Bad Mommy. Brat baby will punish you with it's unearthly howling and ugly red, snot dripping face which comes with the bonus that mommy will have to wipe the snot off the infant's ugly face.

Maybe all kids are like that. Maybe I did it as a kid? (I hope not), Maybe other people weren't bothered by it at the restaurant. But it aroused very angry feelings in me. It makes me angry just recounting it.

So don't feel alone... but ... also... I don't think that we're the norm, either.

BTW - no hate from kid lovers, k? I know I'm not the norm and I have every right to feel this way just like you have every right to love kids.

I hated my pregnant friends, when I wanted to conceive a baby, but we have had no success. Somebody asked me than: "Do you hate all pregnant women? And what, when one day you will became one of them? Will you hate yourself too?"

I feel exacty the same way, unfortunately I am going through the same thing myself. My best friend is pregnant, and I really cant stand it! Whats worse is I see her every day because I work with her! I really dont know how much I can take! I find it really upsetting and feel guilty for having these awful feelings towards her because I know how happy she is. The ironic thing is that I accidently got pregant the exact same time last year, and she convinced me to get an abortion "because it was the right thing to do" and "i had my full life ahead of me" and she feared that "she was going to lose her best friend" I know its wrong, but because of this im devastated and just cant be happy for her at all! Its killing me inside, even though I have to put smile on my face and act all interested and excited for her when shes rubbing it in my face and talking about baby stuff every other minute of the day! Its that bad im considering changing jobs because I dont think I can take another 6 months of this untill she goes on maternity leave. Its ruining my life and putting a strain on my relationship at home because im so depressed. I know a lot of people might think im selfish and to just "get over it" but it is just so difficult, I really dont know what to do!

hahaha this topic is so old

I hated my friends when they were both pregnant at the same time and (even though I am already a mother)This may seem strange but I felt so inferior to them and insanley jealous even felt like they were laughing at me (melodramatic I kmow but it is how I felt) They would sit together in their little clique talking about babies, and expected me to bill and coo and fuss over them like a nurse maid I never got them pregnant I am sorry but I do not and will not have any maternal insticts to any baby a part from my own and nor will I run around after pregnant women I do/did not care and I do not have to either x