My friends never contact me

Not sure how old you are but I am in my 40's and this has been the story of my life with pretty much any group of friends that I have been involved with. It seems like I get together with a few people who act like friends,initiate things and then just slack off. If I call to suggest something they are fine and happy to see me but then nothing until I initiate something again.So frustrating! Laziness? Familiarity breeds contempt? Fickle human nature? I don't know. This has happened with different groups of friends over time with the exception of just a few who have become close friends. Maybe this is the way people naturally are? I am not clingy or overbearing at all and am not in touch with them so frequently that they would want to avoid me. I am just as confused as you are. Especially those who have a child my child's age and our children are still friendly through school. Weird!!!

I have had the exact problem for a long time. Over the summer I stopped texting, calling, facebooking my friends for a little experiment. Within 2 weeks I started getting phone calls and texts. My friends asked me why I was being so quite, so I told them I was sick of making the plans all the time and that they should step up. So finally they did.

You just have to speak up next time if they ask why you're being quite or if something is wrong. I hope this helps you :)

dont contact them and the ones that do contact you are your real friends, a fake friend is worse than a real enemy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hello there. I'm afraid even making friends can be brutally statistical. I'm going through this stage at the moment and I recommend that you proceed with this experiment and see what happens next.

Friendship works both ways and it doesn't work if you're the one initiating all the time. I suggest you make more friends and hopefully some of them will start initiating the time-out with you. It's just a lot more fun if you know your friend's there becaues they really wanna see you and not because you happen to give them something to do.

I am in the exact same situation and have been for a very long time. It makes you feel like you don't have any real friends and it sucks, but don't think it is your fault. Your friends probably don't even realize they are doing it.

Has to do with diffrent kinds of elements like I would call them. Some people are more rational then emotional so they will not notice you doing things like not texting them just for an experiment, but will have a thought like, Hey! this is not what i'm used to from this person. Why does he not call, text, ... me? Then there are unexpected events that could occur like: your friend suddenly moved, got a job, ... there are so many factors that can influnce things.

that is just like me and when i go out with 2 people i was friends with they leave me out of convos and its all bout them and everything so i have giving up on them now even thou 1 of them still thinks she can use me when something goes wrong with her family, boyfriend or the other girl im on about and when i do arrange things they all cancel on me at last min when ive left my house.
and i agree you should just make new friends and keep the ones who do talk to you just not them who dont talk to you

Its mostly just become an expectation that you be an initiator - a role that you play and are given by others. If every time you saw your girl friend you gave her a flower, how long would it take for her to simply expect that of you? Not very long. Same deal.

Also, people may assume that when the initiator is not initiating, they just want time out.

But as you also point out, some people are just lumps & are inconsiderate. And its fair for you to expect some reciprocity.

Rather than waste time experimenting with them, you could start to broaden your social circle. After all, you have the social & leadership skills

Always been that way for me. Eventually I decided to "shower the people I love with love", like the cheezy old song says. I don't stop calling them unless I decide I don't want to hang out with them any more.

I had lots of friends when I was younger and there was no internet or text messaging. If someone wanted to know how you were doing they would simply pick up the phone and call you or you would meet them in a neighborhood hangout. No Facebook or Instagram. No on line dating.
No one calls me anymore, except my Drs office to confirm an appointment. My old friends are too consumed with their spouses or boyfriends or latest TV programs.
I have made one or two new friends that actually will meet up with me. My “old friends” just send me a text once in a blue moon.
Is it normal? Well- it seems to be what people do but I do not think it is normal. A person who really cares talks to you in person, listens to you and meets up with you. I have no “Facebook Friends”
and I don’t want any.
One of my oldest girlfriends from childhood disinvited me to her wedding. 10 years later she called me up on the phone to tell me how lonely her married life was and that she missed all her friends.
Is that normal? No. You don’t dump all your friends, don’t return their calls, then expect them to be there for you.
One friend told me the same story about her brother about 3 times (that he had recently moved to another city). Apparently she was so inattentive to our conversations that she could not even remember telling me chapter and verse about this 3 times. I really don’t mind listening to the same story, however I realized later on that she was very inattentive to things I would discuss with her also.
Is it normal? No. Is it common? Unfortunately, yes.
I try to make plans with friends who try to make plans with me. Sometimes our schedules don’t match up, but I try and so do they.
Some people will not call unless they are extremely bored, guilty or destitute. It is a more lonely world out there since the age of electronic communication.
I give out my number frequently and my entire family has my telephone number(s).
All I ever get are group emails. It’s pathetic the way people avoid communicating with one another.
And it’s NOT NORMAL.

Life is pointless, people are pointless. no one cares for anyone but themselves and will betray you. Don't attach to people become more like a parasite and take what you want until they can't provide you anymore and then move to the next walking pile of insignificant flesh.

Hey there....I've had the same group of friends for like 35 years.....and I feel the same way. If I don't initiate; nobody else will ever contact me. I have struggled with this for like a long time. If I contact them; well, its hit or miss. sometimes they can and sometimes they can't. I understand people are busy but seriously....how hard is it? IDK. If it wasn't for me; these people would never have had a lifelong friendship....but I'm getting tired of being the ONE all the time.

Yes, I always had to make the first move in friendships and I always made the first move with guys in relationships. I think people just usually wait around for people to come to them. Also it might have to do with the fact that I had a bigger house. Growing up, I didn't think it mattered but I actually never stepped foot in most of my friend's houses. I can imagine what kind of fights we would of had if I had made it an issue. My boyfriend doesn't even like me at his apartment lol he just wants to come over to my house.

People attract people of their own lifestyle. Lowlifes attract lowlifes, people with careers attract people with careers. Someone who has their life going doesn't want to hang around people who don't. Positive people don't want to hang around downers who don't try to better their life. A friend can only do so much. It's how life works. Survival of the fittest, you can't wait around and hope something happens. Nobody likes the ugly truth, but it's still the truth. If your friends don't bother with you, make new ones that do.

It probably just because your what some people like to call a nob :)

Always been that way for me too. I'm highly creative and dont relate well with "normal" people. I wonder if that part of it? Maybe i scare people because i am so copiously creative, outgoing (a community event producer) with a strong scientific side, a futurist, that people are just put off by my genius? All i know is i only have one friend who calls every few weeks to check in. I cant remember a time when someone called me to hang out & do something together. I am also a chronic pain sufferer; that over the years "subdued" my bubbly persona. Makes me wonder/consider my "character traits" that seem to alienate folks?

I have this trouble, but I think it's because they got used to me initiating things and they also don't think I have sensitivities. I don't tend to show any emotional reaction to things so people generally have no idea when they're bothering me. For instance, when I was in a really bad place I FB'd a bunch of friends to ask them if they wanted to go do something specific with me and none of them replied. About a week later I saw one of them and mentioned that I had wanted to do this specific thing, and she replied 'oh yeah, I saw that, I thought why the hell are you inviting me to that? You know I wouldn't like that!' What I thought was 1) It was actually something I wasn't completely sure if she would or wouldn't like, if I thought it was something she definitely wouldn't like I wouldn't have asked. And 2) In her position, I would have at least replied to say it wasn't my thing. But because I never say anything to anyone about how unpleasant it is to be ignored - I just let it go - people learn they can just ignore me or whatever and I won't make a fuss.

My response to this is that I still don't want to make a fuss, I don't see any reason to change my personality to 'make them' reply to me. It's up to them what they do, none of my business frankly. My response is really just that I need to make new friends. I still like my old friends, and I know they still like me, but I can't rely on these people. My new problem is that I find it very difficult to bond with people and to make new friends. It's partly social anxiety and partly social avoidance. I usually feel uncomfortable with new people, but it isn't just a feeling of being judged - sometimes it is, it's often a feeling of boredom or disappointment with new people. I don't like small talk, I find it difficult to connect with people, and I find it difficult to find new people interesting, so i have very low motivation to get to know people and frankly spend a lot of time (quite happily) on my own. The only way I end up making friends with someone is if they put the effort in (ironically), but many will inevitably give up.

I probably need to think about how I change this...I don't really know how, though. I need to be a lot less afraid of people, but I also need to actually feel more of an interest in other people.

Some people are disorganised!

And also, people have expressed great dislike in wasting money for small talk.

Offer your friend support, help when they need it. Things like this will bring you friends closer and more open to talk to you about whatever they need to. They will have things to talk about eventually.

Good Luck.

Same here, my friends suck. I think because I've had so many medical problems in the past year they don't want to see me. It probably isn't true but, I hate initiating things and I wish my friends made more effort to see me/talk to me. :(

hmmm does it matter? would u rather be alone on some egotistical shit or have someone happy to hang out with even if u do have to seek them out?