My gay friend bullies me because he is in love with me, iin?

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5 Comments

I have been friends with this gay guy since we were kids. I basically saw him undergo the whole coming out process in a conservative community. The denial, the shunning from the family, the eventual acceptance. I saw him struggle and I supported him 100%. In fact, when he used to be in denial and had strong internalized homophobia, I already tried to explain him that there was nothing wrong with being gay.

The issue is that he was always very mean to be. I used to have very low self-esteem when I was a kid and was bullied a lot, so even though he always mistreated me, I appreciated the fact that he was my friend. As I grew, my bullies stopped doing bad things to me and even befriended me! Everyone started respecting me much more, except for this guy that was always my friend.

Lately I have been getting tired of his shit, because we are already 23 years old and I find his attitude unacceptable. However, a common friend explained me that he acts like this because he is kind of in love with me. But his love developed in a sick way, so he kind of strongly resents me as well.

As I said, I had very low self-esteem, I would have never thought back then that someone would like me. He was sending me signals the whole time, but I didn't even get it. That frustrated him.

My parents are very open-minded, so I grew up not caring about sexuality. I am not macho at all, and many people find me a little effeminate. And since we talked a lot about homosexuality with this friend, I think he thought we were going to "come out together" eventually or something like that. The fact that that didn't happen, frustrated him too.

I am very open myself, I am straight, but bi-curious, had had some experiences with guys, but feel much comfortable with girls, hence, I have been in a relationship with my gf for 3 years now. My friend thought that he could have had a chance with me because of this, but since it never happened, it frustrated him as well.

Anyway, I just wanted to rant this a little and ask you guys for your opinion. Do you think my friend is acting normal? Should I get close again and try to solve this? Beforehand, let me assure you that I definitely don't want anything sexual with him (I would find that a little incestuous).

Voting Results
15% Normal
Based on 20 votes (3 yes)
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Comments ( 5 )
  • Ellenna
    7 years ago

    You've been a good friend to him and he's treating you like shit in return: that's not a friendship worth trying to preserve

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  • Cuntsiclestick
    7 years ago

    Don't bother with him. He's no friend.

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  • Inu20
    7 years ago

    Dude, maybe you're insensitive? Cause some people are not showy towards the person whom they love. And showing it by you know it, messing with that person. Maybe he do find you cute when you're angry. Some shit like that. But if you really don't like him, tell him straight. And you admit that you don't want to be sexual with him. Or maybe you're just scared? Maybe. And if you still don't know his point of view, Just talk to him, to clear your misunderstandings. Remember. "Friendship without bullying is boring" it's normal dude.

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  • RoseIsabella
    7 years ago

    He sounds like he's a self hating queer boy who's in need of some serious professional help. He can't be a real friend to you or anyone else much less be in a romantic relationship with anyone as long as he hates himself. He's too messed up to be a friend, just leave him be.

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  • _Mehhhh_
    7 years ago

    As a gay person, he should know damn better than to reflect his insecurities off onto other people, because he has probably been bullied himself.

    My thing is you're both grown men now, about the same age as me in fact. He's a plebeian if he's still on this petty teenage angst "oh I love my straight frend!" shit, get over it. I'm gay and had straight crushes as a teenager so I know from first hand, it's very painful, but you have to deal with it.

    And, as politely as I can say this, I think you need to grow a pair and tell him how you feel. You're old enough now to stand up for yourself. Tell him he needs to get his shit together or you'll be considering cutting him the fuck off. You have the right to do that, nobody should be forcing you to partake in toxic friendships and relationships that are bringing your life down.

    And don't let him pull the "homophobic!" card on you either. I can see you've been there for him through thick and thin with his coming out process, and how dare he shit on you after that. I know from my own coming out experience, friends like you are a benediction, he's taking that for granted.

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