My girlfriend is behaving inappropriately with her brother

43% Normal
15 Comments

Hi All,

My girlfriend, 55 years old has a close relationship with her older brother 62. They lived in the same apartment complex since 2006.

From the beginning, I started noticing she was overly “attentive and mothering” to him. I chalked it off as sibling care. When their parents passed away in 2019 they moved in together in the home they inherited.

The “attentive and mothering” behavior increased. She cooks and cleans and attends her brother like they are a married couple. It’s at a point where she will ask him if he wants a drink when I’m visiting and doesn’t bother to ask me if I would like a drink too.

A little while back, we went out to an expensive restaurant for a family dinner with her other siblings, their husbands and wives, and nieces and nephews. I told her early on I was going to pick up the tab.

When hors d'oeuvres and salads were brought to the table, she proceeded to serve her brother and not me. I looked across the table and made eye contact with her sister in law who was just as shocked as I was that my girlfriend disrespectfully served her brother first and not me at all.

Recently, she was out of town for a few weeks. I picked her up at the airport and took her out to dinner and a play in a small forum in Orange County. As we were driving back to my place, she called her brother to let him know she was staying the night with me. She always calls him to let him know when she spends an additional "Unplanned Day" with me.

It was the “tone of her voice” that bothered me. She shifted from our casual car conversation to "flirty and alluring" that really made me think this is totally inappropriate behavior between siblings.

I can still hear her conversation and his responses. “Hi! I’m home! How are you? I’m staying overnight but will be home tomorrow” “I look forward to seeing you” which he replied “I look forward to seeing you too! I love you!” She responded “I love you too”

Now I know it’s a beautiful thing to be close to your sibling but am I over analyzing this? Or is this inappropriate behavior that tilts the scales of something sexual going on between the two of them?

Please Advise if you care to share.

Thanks,
Hurting in Orange County

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43% Normal
Based on 7 votes (3 yes)
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Comments ( 15 )
  • Cuntsiclestick
    1 year ago

    You're most likely imagining things. She probably grew up in one of those families that had a "family always comes first" mindset. Getting jealous and all emotional about her brother and imagining an incesst scenario isn't going to get you anywhere. I suggest you find someone without that mindset so you can be the one that gets put first and you can feel loved.

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    • Anyuser
      1 year ago

      Thank you for responding. Her family is close. Her relationship with her brother just seems "too close" You are right, if it is bothering me this much I should rethink about what I am getting out of this 7 year relationship.

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    • ospry
      1 year ago

      I was raised in a really tight knit family where family always came first and we're always paying it forward to other family members because we've all been the recipients of kindness like that. Even with how close my family is, none of my siblings have ever behaved like this with each other. I'm really close with my sister and she's helped me through a few very difficult periods in my life, but if she were doting on me with the same level of attention as OP's girlfriend shows her brother, I'd be creeped out

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      • Anyuser
        1 year ago

        Thank you for responding. I was embarrassed to even post this crazy situation. I need anonymous opinions to help guide me on the path I believe I'm going to have to ultimately take. It's not easy.

        I need a "Reality Check" from opinions from the outside looking in.

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        • ospry
          1 year ago

          I can't say whether your girlfriend and her brother have a sexual relationship, but it absolutely sounds like an unhealthy codependency. Maybe they formed a dependency on each other after their mother passed?

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  • kelili
    1 year ago

    I was wondering if the brother had some sort of disability until I read that you've already answered that in the comments.

    It seems that they are really close and she had made him dependent. Maybe he has been through some shits and she is helping him recovering or it is just the way they've been raised. Whatever the reasons there does not seem to be much space for you in there.

    Are you sure that you want to pursue this?

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  • Dez_baddie17
    1 year ago

    Yeah i definitively think your girl is cheating on you with her brother if she flirting with him thats a clear sign.do u feel as what they're are doing?

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  • Anyuser
    1 year ago

    To be honest, I'm not sure what "Troll Post" means. I do have a big beard that I have been growing since 1997. I appreciate all of the great advice you have given me SattleGoose. Thank you for caring to share your thoughts with a stranger, I'm taking all advice to heart.

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  • Holzman_67
    1 year ago

    You need to talk to her about your needs

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  • Anyuser
    1 year ago

    Perhaps, it did become more prominent and noticeable once they moved in together after the parents passed away.

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  • Anyuser
    1 year ago

    Thank you for responding. We started dating 7 years ago. She did want to move in with me but I wasn’t ready.

    She was married and lived out of state for many years. She divorced and moved in the apartment complex her brother was managing in 2006. What I have expressed is 100% accurate.

    I did end up confronting her recently when I went out to their house to help them with a garage sale. Half way through it, breaking my back in the Sun, I noticed her brother wasn’t around. As I walked by the side of the house, I saw him kicking back inside watching Golf.

    I went to her and said “What is this? Why isn’t here outside helping us?” She immediately defended him saying “It’s hot and his knee is bothering him.” I got pissed and came straight out and asked her “Why are you always Molly-Coddling your brother and not me?” Her response was “You don’t need Molly-Coddling” I was speechless with her response.

    I told her she is being abnormally mothering to her older brother and finished the garage sale day. I started packing all of the unsold items in the truck to take to Goodwill and asked her to go inside to get her brother to help. She came out five minutes later and informed me that her brother wants to leave everything and do it another day. I was already halfway done. I told her “It was your idea to clean up and donate the rest, lets finish this” She helped me with the remaining items and we dropped the items off together.

    In the parking lot she went to call her brother to see if we needed to pick up anything on the way back. I calmly took the phone from her hand and asked her “How long has this been going on? Did the two of you start sleeping together as teenagers? I told her that I’m not the only one who is noticing. Her sister in law was shocked when she disrespectfully served her brother first and not me at all on the meal I paid for.

    She got upset said and swore that she never slept with her brother. She did admit her behavior of not serving me dinner after serving her brother and offering him drinks and not me was disrespectful. She admitted that she is “Mothering him” which I responded “He’s a 62 year old man for Christ’s Sake!!!”

    Both she and her brother totally act different around me now. To the point that they are way overcompensating like a cover up.
    Our relationship started out with her lying about herself. To some, that can be normal dating in your late 40’s. We are both 55 now.

    I have always told her that I require “Total openness and honesty, even if it hurts.” I am a forgiving man and will let things go until it happens again. I continue to catch her lying about things all through these 7 years together, even about trivia which really doesn’t matter.

    I love this woman deeply, but I can’t handle the disrespect, lies and inappropriate behavior. I deserve more. She is “playing house” with her brother doing the cooking, cleaning, shopping, and processing the monthly bills.

    She is providing all of the other (and then some) womanly duties in a live in relationship. With heartache, I believe she is performing the last remaining womanly act of “physical intimacy” when the lights go out and they are alone together at home.

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  • kikilizzo
    1 year ago

    Unless her brother is disabled and she is caring for him, which if so you'd probably know, that isn't normal at all. Especially not if she has a flirty tone with him, obviously.

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    • Anyuser
      1 year ago

      Thank you for responding. She has told me that he has a learning disability but he seems sharp to me. He can carry on an intelligent conversation.

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  • Whatintarnation
    1 year ago

    Sounds like they're pretty close. How long have you guys been dating?

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    • Anyuser
      1 year ago

      Thank you for responding, we have been dating since 2015.

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