My girlfriend killed herself, here’s the story. am i normal ?

In the middle of 2019 I got with a girl I knew growing up. Reconnected and before we knew it we were dating. Not an emotional guy, but I loved her with all my heart. I still do I suppose. She was gorgeous, always smiling, outgoing, cooked and cleaned when I went to work 12 hours a day 7 days a week. No matter the stupid shit I did , she was there. Through it all. Soon we got an apartment. She had about 2 or 3 jobs during this time. I stayed grinding every single day. Working my ass off. One week my car broke down, blew up my motor. Stayed at my buddys that week to drop a new motor in it when I came back that Friday. Well she had a guy over and a female. She said it would just be her female friend. Lied to me. I was mad. I came home with my friend and didn’t even wanna talk to her. She wouldn’t leave me alone. I said a lot of things I shouldn’t have. Things I regret. I stepped out to the hallway to say something to my buddy and heard a loud pop. Confused, walked into our bedroom. And there she was, the girl I genuinely intended on marrying , not to far in time, with my AR15 in front of her, dead. Blood everywhere, all that gross stuff. Minutes later I was on the phone with 911, holding her head together if that makes sense, telling her I was sorry. And how much I loved her. Well the glare in her eyes, that shine, went blank. She was gone. At that moment medics ran in. I went downstairs in the parking lot. Not 5 minutes later the ambulance left with all their stuff. The cops did their thing.

Days go by. I went one state over to buy a truck. I had some cash saved to buy her a car. I bought my little truck and headed back home to get most of her stuff to give back to the family and her best Friend.
They beat me to it
Everything, gone. Pictures, her clothes, perfume, my stuff. My hats and American flag rammed down the toilet. The sister and best friend took everything. Everything but the TVs. I freaked out, grabbed my pistol . I won’t lie. I was going to kill them. I was manic. My good friend/neighbor took me to the ground and called to ambulance.
I found myself in a mental hospital. Was not allowed to go to the funeral, and stayed for 4 days. Being told I was homicidal and suicidal. I got out.

People proceeded to call me a murderer, blaming me for it all. Tagging local news in social media posts, even ragging on my parents’ social media. Blaming me for this beautiful girls death.

Time goes on, people have short attention spans I guess. I was gone. Drinking blackout deunk EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. Sitting in my truck wondering , why? Why did I deserve all this ? Why did SHE deserve this ? I started talking to marine corps recruiters.
Well I got back in touch with a girl I dated for about 3 years. We broke up About a year and a half before I got with the girl who killed herself.

I always cared about her and what not, it was not intentional by any means, but we just got back together. I was doing landscaping at her and her parents house and we clicked again. We decided to make it “official” about a month and a half after this girl died.
A few weeks later I joined the marine corps and left for boot camp. With this girl sticking with me. And me swearing I wouldn’t get caught up emotionally , but ended up caring more and more as time went on.

I’ve been in the marine corps about 10 months now. Good infantry job, this girl back home and I care about her a lot and she makes me SO happy. And most of all, I got away from the bullshit back home.

We’ll I guess I said too much.
Am I not a to get with her so fast? Was it wrong ? I’m happy now. Really. I just feel like maybe I’m an asshole. Emotionless piece of shit that moved on too quick . I cared about Ebelin. And I always will. But am I wrong for moving on like that ? And so quick ?

I guess this was also a story I’ve never really laid down before lol.
Thank you in advance. Happy New Years !