My husband doesnt pay attention to me ;[ is it normal?

hey you are a lovely wife.. but aint going to work here !! the fact you dont give yourself time and attention.. explains it all. Love yourself, giver yourself time, try new things, enjoy your life and dont depend on him for your happiness :-) call your friends, enjoy ur kids, watch chick flicks, take care of yourself, pamper yourself and you should be fine and happy!!! (P.S.: do all this when he is busy with his own things)

Excuse me? He's not good enough!!! (but don't tell him that) This is actually a game, believe it or not. I bet when he comes home you attempt to be nice and be like "hey, look what I did for you while you were gone?" and then, if he doesn't respond in the way you want, you maybe..(?) start nagging a little? I don't want to assume that you do, but I'm trying to think of a reason he'd want to watch tv. Ok, could be stress at work or possible nagging wife (I'm not saying you are). My advice would be for you to go out and start living your life! Arrange to meet with a friend one night out of the week or join a Yoga class a couple nights a week. Keep yourself occupied just like your husband is. Also, don't succumb to his domineering. I'd actually be asking help with around the house if I were you. But, like I said, make yourself happy - he's knows what he's in for when he gets home as of right now, so switch up the routine! "Hey honey, I'm gonna go to the gym!" "Hey babe, Kelly and I are going to go watch a movie and have some drinks" and if he asks why tell him it's because it's something you want to do that makes you happy. Once he sees you can get by without being so dependent on his attention, he'll be the one looking for the attention from you! Try it out! Just take notice that this might not happen overnight (it usually takes awhile before men 'wake up' to new things.

im in the exact situation... i was kinda hoping the comments would reassure me that its completely normal , that all men would rather spend time with their tv then their lady. :( guess we're both in trouble

You sound like an amazing wife. I'm sorry to hear you feel ignored :( everyone deserves to be loved and you are totally worth It. You need 2 tell him how u feel explain that you understand he's tired that your tired too raising children and keeping house is hard work! Try to meet him halfway maybe arrange a date night once every few weeks you need to be honest about how you feel trust me you are not alone! Also I think its time you start thinking about yourself you deserve to be happy and if your happy then it effects how u treat other people its not selfish to treat yourself sometimes it will make u an even better mom and wife

Go stay with a friend for a week or so take the kids to someone u can trust and see how he likes coming home to an empty house

There is a book called MEN ARE LIKE WAFFLES WOMEN ARE LIKE SPAGHETTI. I know silly name right, but it helped my marrage so much. My husband was not willing to read his part of the book WOMEN ARE LIKE SPAGHETTI, but I read my part. I leaned some eye opening things about my husband and applyed them. He soon took notice of the difference in me and asked about it so I gave him the book. He learned many thing about his wife (just to let you know he did not see the difference till 6mos later).I will let you in on a little of the book. The reason your husband dose not respond to you when he gets home is because he is still in his work box and needs time to climb into his home box. Men are like waffles they have little boxs and they need time to get from one box to the other. So when you jump on him the min he comes home it messes the transition up and thats when he just shuts down. Just like we have needs so do our husbands. Try giving him 30 min of silance when he comes home then approch him. I always give my husband a kiss say I missed you and leave him to get in his home box (going and getting him something to drink also helps). Never took the time to write on advice stuff online but am passonate about marrages. The book I talked about can be found on amazon bought mine used for 4 dollars, best 4 dollars I ever spent and got back more than that in return Thank you and I wish you the best.

Mojo is a doushe btw

Discuss this with your husband. Be thankful and give him credit for everything that he does for the family. Show him that you understand his situation and express that you want to spend more time with him. No one is perfect, and most people can only hope for really good phases in their relationships. Try to exercise more patience. It's very normal to feel tired after work. At least he works hard for you too and comes home to you everyday at the same time. Some wives would kill for that kind of normalcy.

Go on a vacation with your husband. Preferably someplace without a tv. Get some cards, or some board games or some genuine groups thing to do. That might partially break the habit. They need to be relaxing though. He is tired.

Talk to him , find the reason be honest and tell what you feel

All of this is too familiar. Tonight I feel upset because my husband ignores me and is so stubborn. Forever he has been playing fantasy football. When he does so, he talks to this guy pal incessantly. I am starting to feel jealous because he spends more time with his game and his friend online then me. I give him the alone time he wishes. I never bother him right when he gets home but after hours and hours of being ignored, I expect some kind of recognition. If I try to tell him how I feel he blows me off, gets angry and of course he yells and says mean things so we never get any where. Slowly, I've started to stop talking with him and the kids think he doesn't care at all about them because when he's not working, all he does is play that stupid game. He even takes his computer to work to play the game. We went through a period of when I didn't feel attractive to him about five years ago. He'd hit his 30's and stopped getting turned on by me. At least that is how I felt. Sex was difficult because he wouldn't stay hard long enough for us to have sex. He even said he couldn't feel me any more. I was devastated. I started figuring out that he would look at porn every day and get off on it and I just felt completely ugly. I wanted to feel pretty to a man and eventually I broke. I left for awhile. He asked me to come back and said things would be different. For awhile I thought we were so much better and we even communicated good. He really seemed to care. As he gets older he actually seems to be getting meaner. He just won't listen to me hardly at all now and I suppose he takes me for granted. I see his parents and how they have nothing to do with my kids unless it suits them and swear to God, he is just like them. I don't like the way he is...and when I married him he was so kind. I That was his baby. He actually cried when each baby was born and now he just ignores the kids. Now, his computer is his baby.

try getting your hair done then stopping off at the dirty book store for a nice vibrator and then go home and give him something to notice.

It is probably normal. My wife ignores me and says that when the women in the office talk they all want their husbands to not "bother" them so much. On the other hand I have friends who are upset and feel rejected that I do not have sex with them and tell them it is because I am married. There is a certtain irony here.

I am afraid that it happens to lots of women. There are so many things to say about that, that I'll give you the most concise advice I can. If you want something different, the only thing you can do is to vary your behavior, since if you keep doing what you are used to, you are going to go through the same kind of experience forever. I know it seems too simple and it is. I didn't say it is easy though. Give it a try.

Very normal. Read the book, "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" to learn about the differences between men and women.

To sum it up though, because men run on testerone instead of estrogen they don't need the same kind and the same amount of romantic/affectionate attention that women do, and they assume women are the same way. It's not that they don't like us or don't enjoy being around us, they just handle daily stress differently. If you need more social interaction and attention you're better off seeking out female friends who understand your need to connect and communicate frequently. Men are satisfied with much smaller doses of those things, and also require more alone time to unwind and not think about anything. Men cannot be happy and relaxed without that alone time, it's part of their biology, the same way talking about emotions and connecting with others for support in times of stress is part of female biology. The problem is the modern women expects their spouse to provide that emotional support-- but frankly that's something a man is not capable of providing a woman (at least not in the way she wants, he can provide the same kind of emotional support he would give to other males) whereas in the past women went to female friends and relatives for emotional support and only expected their husbands to earn the paycheck and take care of practical matters. That's how men express love.

If you have a guy who fits that stereotypical description it's actually a GREAT sign. It means he has a healthy level of testesorone. Men with good t levels have been shown to be better fathers and providers. Men who act like women by talking about their emotions frequently and failing to make alone time for themselves everyday to rebuild their t levels tend to have low t, which means they often suffer from anxiety and depression, and are more likely to leave or cheat on their spouses.

Not to say you shouldn't ask your husband to try new things with you, you certainly should, but if you don't respect his need for alone time you'll just make him more distant, because you'll be causing him stress, and being alone is how men recover from stress.

@crankymomma17 and @denagirl_27 and @sammybone1978 your stories all resonated with me so much and make me feel like I am not alone, so thank you for sharing, you helped me on this lonely Easter that I am spending by myself because I chose to not put up with being unappreciated lonely and taken for granted anymore. Why would anyone think this is normal?Did we say this in our marriage vows? "I promise to make you feel all alone" "I promise to put everything else before you" " I promise to stop trying" "I promise to not take care of myself or you" No!! we asked for and promised more and we all to deserve to be happy and be cherished. I always say "would I want this relationship for my beloved kids when they grow up?" and the answer is no, I want them to be cherished and be loved and appreciated and wanted. We ALL deserve that no matter what our age!! Hang in there and don't forget to LOVE YOU while you are taking care of everyone else. xo

Hi, I guess man at times lime that and what can ladies expect more. So the best option is to involve ourselves in something interesting. Its practical like gardening, reading.

We are what we are. When you're first in love you don't see this in a person. It takes years. My daughter is married to the most wonderful, sensitive and caring man. He's been like this for years and has never changed. (he was 22 when I met him.) I'm sure he's got his bad points, but when you have someone like him, you're able to live with any of the bad points. I read somewhere, years ago, an article from a father giving advice to his daughter. He told her to make sure the man she married was a little more in love with her than she was with him. To me, anyway, this makes perfect sense. I've seen this in action in good marriages, including my daughter's. Since women are the more nurturing, needy, emotional beings, we need that extra edge when we marry someone to even things out. Otherwise, we become neurotic, edgy spouses, always focusing on how bad things are. You can see that most of the people posting here are women, with the occasional exception. I think we set the pace right from the beginning to create these spouses. Our need to procreate, be loved, etc. makes us the perfect setups for these marriages. Then, when all this dies down years later, we realize we didn't make a good choice. At my age (65), I've seen the results of many marriages. The good ones and the bad ones (more bad then good.) I've seen couples going to marriage counseling, and they all came out from that thinking their spouses had changed, only to go right back to what they were before. I don't think marriage counseling works unless there is one specific problem you're trying to deal with, not an entire personality. Otherwise, you would need the marriage counselor living with you to mediate your daily life. So, you either learn to live with what you've got and find your entertainment elsewhere (and no, that's not playing head games with someone, nor do I condone having an affair) or you move on, if that is possible Yes, you might be alone, but sometimes that can be better, because there will always be the new day and the new you and the new hopes and dreams. When you're married and living with someone and just existing that can be the loneliest existence ever. My husband has told me that he would be devastated if I left him, but he's not willing to change. So I think it's time for me to move on.

Has he always been like this? He sounds depressed to me.

The biggest problem in this thread is that you are in search of an answer when what you need is the right question. If you ask the wrong question, it doesn't matter if you get the right or wrong answer because it is not going to help you.

My husband is xxx and never yyys and I want him to zzz. Is this normal?

It makes no difference in the world whether he is normal (whatever that means) or whether some guys are this way or whether 20% or 80% of guys are this way. You married ONE man who is the way he is because of his DNA and his upbringing. And he hasn't changed, because if you look back he was exactly like this when you married him. And BTW he didn't marry a ''normal' woman either.

It isn't about who is right, who is wrong, who has power (or none), who does the dishes or whether you are feeling pretty-respected-valued-etc. It is about - (drum roll) How can two people - who were both fine when they were single - learn to negotiate a lifelong journey as a couple where the entire family unit (incl. kids) will benefit and thrive.

After 42 years my wife and I are still working out a few details. I am right-brained logical and linear and she is left-brained creative, emotional and seemingly random. WE are BOTH forced to recognize and not only accept but value the differences. And believe me when we put our brains together and get going in the same direction on the same task we are unstoppable. We can accomplish anything. (Well, so far getting rich has escaped us, but being happy is much more rewarding.)

We both had all the same complaints and problems discussed in all the posts, but there is no solution, its a journey, just keep you eye on the prize. (P.S. the prize IS the journey).

It would have been easy to leave, walk out, find someone else but somehow we both knew we would just be taking our baggage to a new place. And yes, you both have baggage.

I wish you all well. There are lots of ways to get counseling, there are lots of great books out there and there is nothing wrong with asking for help.

I'm pretty much going through the same thing as you. My husband comes home everyday from work gives me a kiss, asks how's my day, I start to tell him, he then cuts me off when I'm trying to answer, then he goes on his computer until dinner is ready, done eating dinner he goes back on computer for 2-3 hours, then goes and take a shower, after he showers he goes back on computer and stats on it until 11pm or until 1am. Then says we need to go to bed kisses me on forehead, rolls over and falls asleep, next day same thing. This has been going on for years. I found out his been on chat site talking to a woman and tells her that I never pay him any attention and that I don't love him. Not true!

I have always wanted to spend quality time with him and he knows this, but he says I am too needy and very selfish. I am a good wife I do everything for him, to make him happy.

I also found out that he has taken photos of his private parts and has been sending it to other women on the internet. I also have found naked photos of women, he says he doesn't know how he got that. Yeah right.

He is also on sites trying to meet women and goes on pork sites as well.

I am in the process of leaving this loser who is a selfish, self absorbed, manipulative, attention seeking, psycho.

He fools everyone by letting them think that is a good guy, but he's not. He is a guy who abuses me mentally, emotionally and economically.

Men like him will never change.

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I probably don't have the answer or even any good advice but I have some insight as a man. I'be been married to my wonderful wife for 10 years this month, she is an extremely loving person and great mother. Lately I have been in a similar situation as you that was opened my eyes and made me realize that women are indeed different than men in so many aspects. She has come to me on a couple occasions stating that she looks at other couples who hold hands, kiss in public, cuddle in bed, etc. etc. something that I have failed to do. This past month it has become even more apparent of her feelings. I have always been puzzled as I always work hard to make sure my family has what they need, anything she wants I work hard to make it happen, I have taken her on vacations, spend lots of money and provided the best I could... except with affection.. She advised me that she went to another man a couple years ago for attention but it only happened once, she didn't have sex with him and she felt bad about it, she will not however disclose any information on this guy as she thinks I will have something done to him. This has opened up my eyes to a whole new world and I now have a better understanding of what women are looking for, I have since given her affection, holding her in public, kisses, spending more time with her and she says I am doing a great job. You sound like a great wife and he probably does not realize what he is doing to you, same as me, I had NO idea. I love my wife dearly and would be lost without her. I hope your husband wakes up and see's the light. Good luck!

This is to all the people who want to say that it is the fault of the "clingy" woman - you're wrong. My huband and I have been together 8 years, and married for 3. We have a 6 year old autistic son who needs 24/7 care at all times. My husband can not get a good job because of his background (before we met) which means he works all the time to provide money for our family. I completely understand that he works hard for a good reason, but I was the sole provider for our family for 4 1/2 years. When he was a stay-at-home dad he had the same feelings of loneliness and jealousy that I was never home, and when I was home I didn't make him feel appreciated. I realized that my family needed me to be just as aware at home as I was at work. I started cleaning more, cooking dinners more often, and giving him nights off from taking care of our sons nightly duties. But the tables have turned now and I decided to stay home with our son so that I could finish my degree, and so that he could get back out there to provide (like he wanted to). Now that I have been having feelings of loneliness and jealousy because he works so much and it seems like he is happier at work than at home I had to sit down with him and let him know how I felt. I told him that eventually if he didn't take a little more care of his families needs (paying attention to us) that we would start not caring when he was home. It would just turn into a scenario like...."great your home honey - love you. Food is on the stove and we are heading out because I planned something fun for us (my son and myself) to do. See you later" He noticed then how much it meant to me to have him include himself when he comes home, and he has really started "being home" when he comes home. So, in my opinion you just need to talk with your husband and be truthful. Don't yell or get too upset (because then you are just creating a fight) but communicate the reality of how things will play out if his actions don't change. It's not nagging - it's being honest. Hope this helps.

I'm in the same boat! :( thats how I found this site. I try not to let it bother me but after so long I have to let it out! So I'm try to calmly talk to him and tell him how I feel and he just doesn't understand! He thinks I'm being too needy and insecure. He's right, I am insecure NOW because of how dole our relationship has gotten! I'm craving pasion, and want. I want to be wanted for more then a good meal and a fresh pair of socks! I want him to get a little excited when he see me when he gets home from work! I want him to come up behind me when I'm cooking and wrap is arms around my waist and kiss my neck. No, and not saying I want it to turn x-rated in the kitchen (but that would be nice lol) I just want to FEEL like he really wants me, and he is really happy to have me in his life. Yes I understand feelings die down after the years, but why do I still crave those things? I DON"T GET IT! We'll talk about it, then he'll do good for a week, then its back to Mr.Couch potato falling asleep watching T.V. and didn't even touch me once. Aren't all men horn dogs? lol Why do I have to beg to "get some?" And I'm a pretty attractive female! And the fact that he doesn't want me that often makes me feel sooooooo insecure! I feel like im not good enough. I could walk around in my undies and most of the time he wont even notice. He's a good man, and I feel really bad about always having to bring up the same thing. I know it must suck for him too. Honestly, its just SUPER confusing! Sometimes I think he's only with me because we have a child. He says thats not the case, but to me actions speak louder then words.....Please, no one has really said if this is a normal guy thing???? Or am I just not "the one" for him? :/ He tells me that im being silly, and I have nothing to worry about, but honestly, that's not how I feel inside. I'd really like to hear the good advice SUPRA661 has to offer. She seems like she knows what she's talking about. I really just want him to show me a little more want and affection. HELP!

must have a lot on his mind. distant in his head, maybe he can not connect with you emotionally or show effection im the same way unfortunately, its usuallly cus im preoccupied with a million other thoughts that consume me.. hope everything works out, you sound liek the perfect wife

There's this book called "The Dance of Anger" by a woman psychologist named Harriet Lerner and it was a New York Times best seller. I'm sharing this with you because I've been in the same boat you are right now. PLEASE PLEASE get it!!!

All I can say is that guys hate mind games, just as you would hate it if he was playing mind games with you. This day & age you really depend on the though or hope that "if I ignore him a little, maybe it'll turn things around for the good"... maybe he'll think you are totally not into him & not wanting anything in the relationship anymore & then he'd leave you. I have some of the same problems in my relationship & I hate it that every time I get a thought in my head that something is completely wrong & maybe read too much into something, it back fires. I bring it up to him & he doesn't get 'mad' but almost annoyed because he isn't doing anything wrong & he feels that whatever he does for you it isn't good enough. I would just sit him down, tell him what's bother you & try to build your relationship from there. good luck :)