My mom can't handle me being an adult

Basically, you have to start making plans to move out. You're right that you can't stop growing up, and you need to live your life.

Until you move out, just keep conversations with your mom light, like talking about things she's interested in, or talking about the news/weather or something boring like that. It sucks, but it may help keep her anxiety down until you're able to leave.

Oh gee this sounds like my aunt and my cousin.

My aunt is the next thing to a recluse. She can function with store clerks and waitresses if she has to, but prefers not to. Beyond that she has no human contact at all except with my cousin (her son). He is in his 50s and has a good job but has always lived at home with her, single, never married, never dated.

When he is in the house she won't give him a moment's peace, jabbering at him constantly in a random stream of consciousness ramble about household chores, the latest news stories from radio or TV, and old family incidents or petty slights from decades back retold for the thousandth time.

My cousin tells me he has thought many times about moving out on his own, but she always panics and throws a fit when he mentions it. Now she is old and feeble enough that she really couldn't live alone, and if he moved out she would likely have to go into assisted living or a nursing home, the thought of which also drives her into a fit. So as he comes up toward retirement he feels duty bound to stay with her and throw good years after bad.

I don't know the answer to your situation but you need to resolve it one way or another because otherwise you could end up like my cousin.

I grew up with a mom like this. People who isolate themselves with their kids as forced companionship do this when their kids grow up and start trying to have their own lives. They make it out that they're protecting you and they have a reason to be worried, just to rationalize why they can't deal with you not being around, they hide their selfishness behind acting like they care.

The only solution, if she wont get help, is to get away. It's not your fault that her behavior is pushing you away. Basically don't talk to her about things that are going to upset her, and don't buy in to the guilt trips and fake concern. Get away as soon as possible, she will keep you in this situation no matter how old you get if you allow it to continue.

Your mom is the one with the problem. She still thinks of you as a little girl with pig tails. She needs coucilling big time! She must see that you're not her baby anymore but an adult to run your life as you see fit. Don't feel bad about it but hope she gets the help she desperately needs.

You are 20 years old, time to move on. Your mom has a hold over you and it is not healthy. Leave her ass in the dust. I've seen this before, she has control over you. Every time you make your move, she will stage an illness or claim "I'm having a heart attack!" Or my "Poor heart!" She needs to realize that you are an adult. You are allowing her to isolate you from the outside world.

My dad tried to make me feel dependent on him for survival. Reading this post made me think about my situation; my dad was also isolated from most human contact, for a while all he had were me and his two mentally handicapped sisters. He mainly treated us all like servants. He also would find women online to come and live with us, never thinking about how the dynamics of the house would change. We all thought it was selfish of him and he thought it was selfish of anyone to disagree. Eventually family services took his sisters and I left/was kicked out. Last I checked he got another woman to live with, not sure if she's another gold digger (he attracts those types of women like honey to flies)

remind her she still be married had she not filed for divorse and she should now buy a cat because that was always how this would end. therapy? have you seen how fucked up therapist are? think of all the people you met that wanted to go into therapist fields of study. they were the fruit cakes of humanity. she be better off getting advice on this free forum than anywhere else. runaway to a college far away as you can get from her. explain it to the college admission , im sure they will have sympathy for you and let you in regardless of grades. i know i would.

That's too bad.
Maybe you should give her some space so that she can get treated and go to therapy. After all, you need to live your life and she has to live her's. Maybe you can travel somewhere?
Just keep in mind that you should prioritize your happiness. If you drop everything for your mother you will never be able to live your life.

Encourage her to go to joint counseling with you. If she won't, you should still go. This will be hard and you need support.

Oh I am so sorry
DO you think if your mum was busier she would be able to relax and worry less? Maybe you could try and start some classes with her, and then when you see she is comfortable and likes the people, you stop going and she stays with her new friends?

When did this behaviour start? It's definitely not normal and she needs therapy: it sounds like very severe separation anxiety. I'm guessing you're either an only child or the last child still living at home and that she's single and isolated?