My mom makes me feel crazy

13% Normal
10 Comments

I wouldn't have a problem with my mum disciplining me (she's scottish so i think it's just culture) but pretending she didn't just box me in the chin for talking back to her screaming and instead giving me 'im moving you out the way' just infuriates me.

She will put words into my mouth that I never said, hit me and pretend i was just in the way, and play victim to an unruly child in front of family. It's literally sickening. Sometimes I will just be sitting on a chair, normally, and she will pretend I'm dangerous, and tell people 'she's in a foul mood, be careful OwO' as if the previous night she didn't just scream at me and hit me. She's so two faced and keeps telling family members my business too, even turning my siblings against me for the drama. It makes me feel crazy being a part of this house. No one will believe me because I'm just the kid. I'm big you're small, I'm right you're wrong. I feel like I'm going insane here, she gives everyone a false truth and makes me feel like the liar but I know I'm not. Not to mention years of being violent and controlling to me when I was little, and wondering why I never stood up for myself in school. I learned to go numb and tune out when I was anticipating pain.

I feel crazy because I see the violent bog witch when it's just us, and when people are here she becomes sweet and gentle and understanding. She is often so cold and overlooks my achievements, is passive aggressive, and then will act incredibly affectionate so I almost forget how mean she can be. And sometimes, I feel like I need her, we can feel really close, but I always regress as a person because of her. And why does she remember every bad thing I do for the next two months? When I bring up what she did and ask why she did it, she's like 'why are you hurting me with your words? you're such an aggressive person!' which feels so manipulative

I feel like when I'm out the house for a while, I become my own person. I know myself better. I'm not crazy, not evil, not a sociopath. I get confidence, feel like a human. That's why I look forwards to going to uni, because I think I will stop feeling isolated and crazy. I want to change my own name too. I don't want to be Olivia because that name belongs to those who have hurt me. I can't wait to get away from this place. anyway sorry for wall of ranting, just wanted to know if anyone is going through anything similar.

Voting Results
13% Normal
Based on 8 votes (1 yes)
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Comments ( 10 )
  • horny_simpletons
    2 years ago

    Call the cops on her if she gets physically violent. Sorry you have to deal with that.

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  • harkosv
    2 years ago

    I voted "not normal" not because I think YOU'RE abnormal in any way, but because your mother is the abnormal one. Your situation sounds like the definition of physical, emotional, and mental abuse. Do you ever feel unsafe? If you do, maybe get CPS involved

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  • 1WeirdGuy
    2 years ago

    I got punched in the face by my dad growing up. In my state they also paddle you in school still to this day. I was always in trouble, I can relate.

    But foster care is a bitch dude. Kids often get raped in foster care and treated badly. Someone I know closely was molested in fostercare. Idk how old you are but focus on getting out asap. Get out of there young and enjoy yalls relationship from a distance. Idk what country you're in but in the US theres many ways to do it. You'll be happy if you're out by 17 or 18 and its doable.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      2 years ago

      I'm not so against school paddling but a dad should never do that do his kid. That's so unfair. And yes, I know the foster 'care' system has betrayed many kids. I'm getting independence as soon as I can.

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      • 1WeirdGuy
        2 years ago

        One thing that is gonna help you to get out sooner is if you have a boyfriend that works and yall can do the half and half thing. You might be kind of poor for awhile but being poor and free is better than being poor and miserable.

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  • Boojum
    2 years ago

    I'm not a psychiatrist and even someone qualified in that field wouldn't be able to make a diagnosis from just what you say in your OP, but I get a very strong narcissistic vibe off of how you describe your mother's behaviour.

    The gaslighting (trying to convince you that things you know to be true are not, and vice versa), the picking out of a particular child as the designated bad 'un, the way her behaviour is so different with others that they can't believe she'd ever be nasty to you, the emotional manipulation and the denigration of your achievements are all things that narcissistic parents do.

    If that is what you have to live with, then you have my sympathy (for the nothing it's worth). Growing up with a narcissistic parent can leave people with serious emotional damage that requires a lot of work to heal.

    Have a look at the following websites and see if anything there helps you make sense of her behaviour and the effect it has on you.

    https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/communication-success/201602/10-signs-narcissistic-parent

    https://theawarenesscentre.com/narcissistic-parent/

    https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/features/narcissistic-mother

    https://michaelgquirke.com/signs-you-had-a-narcissistic-parent-what-trauma-treatment-can-do-to-help/

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      2 years ago

      I don't want to put people into categories like that. She has been a great mother, warm, nurturing, looking after our needs. I think she just loses it sometimes. It's not black and white, but I appreciate the perspective, and yes, I do agree that there is emotional damage.

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  • Sanara
    2 years ago

    She is just abusive, and not even in a disciplinary way (even that can go too far) but because she actually wants to be. She is looking for excuses to punish you. She is an asshole and I hope you get out of there soon. Call the child protection. Stay away as much as possible (okay that's hard when you live together) and dont bother trying to please her because that wont work anyway (but also dont behave so badly it looks like she has a legit reason to abuse you)

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  • DADNSCAL
    2 years ago

    No one can make you feel anything. People, especially your parents, can do hurtful things to you, but what really counts is how you react to it. That being said, if she’s such a toxic person, move out.

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    • Yaidin
      2 years ago

      Not everyone is an emotionless cyborg like you that is totally fine with being hit and emotionally abused by their own mother. You suck

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