My partner is unavailable

I can’t stand when people bother me when I’m upset. It just adds to the plate.

My bf however, wants me up his asshole if he’s upset.

We all handle shit differently. All you can do is let him know you’re available if he needs you.

If he's going through something just remind him that you're there for him, don't be pushy.

Sometimes that will happen and you have to focus on yourself, remind them you're there but let them have their alone time if needed. I'm sure if he cares about your relationship he doesn't want to be emotionally unavailable to you. Just give him time.

I've also been having this problem, I truly wish you the best!! Hopefully things will smooth over

Litelander makes a good point. “Adds more to the plate”. I think one of the best things you can do for someone who is overwhelmed is to help take some things off their plate.

Doing, or helping with, some daily monotonous tasks can be incredibly helpful for people’s mental health.

Going over to help with dishes, laundry, fill their car up with gas, maybe come over and cook/prepare some meals for now or later, clean up the place together, can all be very simple but great ways to help your partner out.

For helping yourself take care of your own emotional needs, I can relate a bit. I get lonely fast, I’m pretty emotionally “needy”, and I find myself being “selfish” when I start to feel down because I’m not being given enough attention.

I found that when I was helping my wife, or my buddies, or coworkers, or anyone who was a more “closed off” person when down, eventually they would open up more as the tasks went on

You should try to do your own thing, honey. I don't know about the other stuff, but losing two dogs sounds devastating! 😭

Maybe you could tell him that you're there for him if he needs you, but don't make a big deal about how you feel like he's being unavailable after two of his dogs just died for the love of God.

Long term relationships only work if you can support each other and be understanding when there are short term (and even medium term) interference's in your life.

Being able to "suck it up" for months (or longer) is a part of the deal...

I suggest that you be kind, supportive, and acknowledge that you know he's going through a lot right now; and that you are there for him.

When he gets through it - he will be so appreciative of you...

One of the most meaningful responses that my wife once got when meeting one of my coworkers and his wife was when she commented to them that they seemed so happy and wondered how long they were married.

He answered that they had been married 24 years, and have had 20 years of happiness. She quickly stepped in and commented that was true and for 4 years things really were not fun at all for either of them (downright bad at times) - but they worked through it and built a better relationship that was more fun and happy than before.

As we have gone through our trials and tribulations of our marriage... we both have referenced that conversation multiple times (we are 9 1/2 years into our marriage).

Long term relationships are about working out problems and situations. Not avoiding having them, or cutting and running when things get tough.

I know that you can do that, and I believe in you.

I wish you and him the best...