My person is willing to perform any such action

that would result in my becoming an object of great affection. I would be willing to ambulate with great force into a situation reminiscent of what one might find in descriptions of an unfavorable afterlife, and would return to your person. I am willing to do any such action that might result in my becoming your most favored person, including that factual statement that I would never provide you with false information. I will never lose memory of the sentiments that you hold within yourself at this moment, of this there can be little doubt. I would be at your beck and call to produce any such action or operation that would result in you raising your opinion of me as a romantic prospect, but alas, I come with the condition that there is one unspecified thing that I am not willing to endure.

Some 24 hour periods I find quite difficult to endure, and some periods of similar time I find to be rather facile. Some days it never appears to me, and I find such days to be of a purgatorial, never-ending quality. On occasional nocturnal periods, I find your person producing flames from your oral cavity, otherwise, I find that your form has been replicated in a large block of frozen water. Occasionally, you appear to my person during these nocturnal periods with some kind of novel, indescribable form that I am certain that I shall never bear witness to again.

It is perhaps the case that my mind is clinically maladjusted and unable to perform operations that would result in its being able to distinguish between fact and fiction, though the situation that I find myself in is maddening and without falsehood. No one is able to secure my safety but you. As long as great celestial bodies continue to rotate while solar bodies produce flames, I would have you not be in disbelief regarding the things that I am trying to impart to you.

I would perform any such action that would result in your considering me a worthy candidate of your romantic affection, including remaining here until the curtain call. I will make you a solemn promise and enter into a contractual agreement of sorts with you, but I shall never make amends with myself should the two of us fail to see this issue to its logical conclusion on this very night.

I would do any such action that you are requesting of me in order to prove myself as worthy of your affection, including that which may form the contents of your dreams (with the exception of a certain unspecified action that I feverishly attempt to weasel out of).

Some periods I find myself supplicating a higher power for solitude, and some periods I find myself doing the same in hopes that I might attain some kind of spiritual essence. Some periods I supplicate the deities of fornication, percussive instruments, and fast paced music. Some nocturnal periods I misplace my sentiments, and in some such periods I find myself unable to conduct myself in a rational manner. Otherwise, I am left bereft of all things that I find constitute my person as I gaze upon you dancing during a thunderstorm.

Perhaps I have too much solitude, and that is all that I possess the necessary certifications to aspire to. There is but only one single vow that I am able to keep to you, that being that as long as circular discs used in the transportation of carriages continue to perform their functions as needed, as long as combustion continues to be a fact of our existence, and as long as the supplications that you send out to higher powers continue to yield the desired results, you would do well to remain under the impression that I would do anything to secure a place in your life as a worthy romantic partner.

You are aware that the aforesaid is a factual statement. I am willing to carry out any such undertaking that results in your seeing me as a person deserving your warmth and affection, there is no such thing that shall make me renegotiate the terms of my contract with you. I shall never perform actions as well as I do when you are a part of the process, for some great period of time. However, there is nothing I am not willing to put myself through in order to secure a place beside you, including those ordeals that you might concoct in your mind at night after eating a burrito of low quality and finding yourself ill and unconscious (with the exception of an unspecified thing that I would rather not perform).

It shall never be the case that I go through the night without conjuring up images and scenarios involving your person during my nocturnal resting phases. I am willing to perform any such action that might have the effect of you developing tender, long-lasting feelings regarding my person, but there is one solitary action that I am most unwilling to perform in pursuit of that goal.