My wife doesn't like intimate touching/kisses/hugs/etc.

She sounds depressed. There are so many things that could make a person shy away. Having given birth to my second child, I have recently found myself feeling very distant from my husband. (It doesn't help that these past two weeks he has insisted on sleeping in the living room floor, where he claims he gets a better nights rest.) Our situation is complex and I could explain in in depth, but the truth is that I am depressed. Do you think that she may feel the same? What does she do for herself? Does she get out at all? Do you encourage her to take time to herself? Does she exercise? Have you tried asking her out on a date? Instead of watching a movie together, perhaps play a game. Ask her how she feels. I know this is hard for you. My husband has expressed dismay at such moments. But we seem to overcome them by talking about how we feel. I hope that this helps. I wish you luck.

I have the exact same problem with my wife. We've been married for 16yrs and have 4 kids. She refuses to sit down and talk about anything... so how can i know what's bothering her?... and how can she know about the hurt she puts upon my soul?
I'm tire of being patient and begging for her to open up. If she once just came up and hugged me, kissed me, grabbed my hand ... I'd think I was in heaven. Am I really that starved for any sort of affection?... sad isn't it?
We haven't been intimate in 6 months... whenever we are intimate I can't help think how she probably is hating it and how long it will be till the next time.
It's obvious that my wife as well as the original posters wife... has fallen out of love with us for some reason that only they know about. It's very clear that there's absolutely nothing I can do about it... because I've tried everything and am not going to live with someone who doesnt love me... what's the use?

NO THIS IS NOT NORMAL... our wives are abnormal are so stubborn and rude that they refuse to work on anything to improve their marriage and refuse any sort of affection from their husbands and think its fine to see their family unit destroyed by being selfish.
Most women are not like this. I'm here to tell you that there is a women out there who will treat you properly and accept the love we are ready to offer. Now get the divorce over with and lets go find the ladies who are waiting for us to love them!

I am the wife who's husband after 13 years actually learned my birthday after 12 years. I was the one rejected without hugs or even kissing after we got married. I am the wife who gave him four babies and never received flowers. We just had our vows renewed and he took off to his friends house on the night we renewed. I am the wife who have him sound business advice where he earned $12 an hour to making over $8000o a year. I was the one who cooked and cleaned who has now been feeling the toll of marriage. I have been ignored told my feelings do not matter And now am filled with resentment and anger. I do not want to be touched or held. I used to cry for that and now I am tiered. I have made friends and am in the process of rebuilding myself in the midst of much hurt. I am bitter from years of rejection and I suspect he cheated. If you have done this or any of this then this is why your wife is cold because a strong woman can only sweep it under for so long until it comes flooding out. I am not fat and I do dress nice. I am told I have a sweetness but forgiving what I went through the last two years of him staying out and putting others ahead of me has taken its toll.

This looks like a very old post and I wonder if anyone is still reading it. Well I understand and have trouble with me wife a lot on the romance part. She is almost unhugable, unlikable, and has zero sex drive. She is diabetic overweight and screams and the kids and me a lot. She even yells if I ask a question most of the time. I get sex on occasion and it has to be planned out. She gets nothing out of it. I need the sex on occasion but do miss the touching and kissing. I am not overly romantic and most men are not so it is ironic that women not being romantic is weird. Most woman are far more romantic than men or so we thought! So when women turn away there must be some kind of problem. In my case there are some mental issues on her side of the family and being diabetic with very little hormones do not help. I think she is depressed and thinks little of herself. It is a dilemma for sure. Guess what men get all the blame do they not? We have to carry a lot on our shoulders and there is very little respect.

I have been with my Wife for 18yrs and been married for 8 of them. We have two lovely children and a lovely home, but the last 3 or 4 years me and my wife have become very distance. There is no intimacy in our relationship and it is really frustrating me, but every time I bring it up in conversation she gets very angry with me and calls me selfish. She tells me that the reasons why she is like this is because I do not support her financially and domestically. We are in a lot of debt and are struggling to make payments, we both work, but my salary is less of the two. We have no family to support us financially or with childcare so I can understand the stress that my wife is under, but I also have these stresses too as well as a wife that shows me no affection. I am at a stage now where I am constantly thinking about us, I am finding hard to sleep and trying to hold a full time job as well as carrying a pretend smile on my face when the kids are at home, but deep down I feel I am at breaking point. I love my wife dearly, and adore my beautiful children, but I feel if can’t live like this any longer and will have to make a sacrifice, which may be me having to leave. The thought of me leaving tears me apart as I have been with my wife since I was 17yrs old, and the thought of leaving my children, not being there for them, making them feel secure, kills me, but I know deep down I cannot live like this any longer. I understand my Wife’s frustrations too, as I know I can be a little awkward in times but I feel I can’t do anything more to please her. I know she wants me to do better for myself career wise but in the current recession this is very difficult, I try to explain this but it always ends in disagreement. Recently I thought I would play her at her own game. I moved in to the spare room and only talk when I have too, My way of thinking at the moment is, well if she doesn’t want to be a Wife then I am not going to be a Husband, but deep down I am just dying to hold her. I ask myself the question to myself, “does she still love me?” everyday, she tells me she does when I ask, and then I think - if you loved someone, how could you be so cold towards me? I could totally understand if she fell out of love with me, then it would all make sense, but at the moment I feel like just a Dad plodding a long, working, parenting, and maintaining, surly I deserve happiness too and so does my Wife, but then is she happy with this set up? I’m living in the spare room, so I’m here when she needs me?

This may sound silly, or simplistic... but here it goes:

Just a suggestion, but you need to talk with her. Just her in a private place, without kids, in-laws and friends around ect, and have a heart to heart talk about the situation. Tell her how you feel, and try not to be accusatory, marriage is a team sport :)

Good Luck!

I would like to post for all of you.
First when a woman is pregnant we feel: confused, fat, uncomfortable, ugly, tired, in pain, scared, happy, angry, worried and so much more.
After pregnancy, tired, hurting, needy, used, exhausted, and so much more.

Then we have our heart, our love. our husband. Most pull back when a pregnancy happens. Sex changes because of body size, if it continues. Some women because of hormones loose a desire. Some are more in the mood. Some of us want to be reassured and held. Some of us are so irritable we can't stand having something else touching our ever changing body.

A man must be sensitive to his wife's feelings. He must be there to help rub her back when she is suffering and be there when she is scared. He must be able to understand that she feels horrible and can't stand for anything else to be on her body. He must be able to lovingly care for the baby and let her rest. He must be able to change diapers and cook meals. Wash clothes. Etc.

If you can navigate this time well, and afterwards continue to put your wife first in your life after God, she will not build resentment up which will manifest later in your relationship. If on the other hand you are 28 years into your relationship and your wife has gone cold on you.... We are tired of waiting for our husband to consistently show us love. A little here and there is not enough. We are looking at patterns of behavior that build or ruin our trust in our husbands. When they come home from a long day at work and we have not had the luxury to go to the bathroom alone, rest, but instead take care of a baby that needs constant feeding and attention throughout the day, and or for those of us who also work, we are exhausted. Our husband comes home, plops in front of: a computer, phone, TV, movies, hobbies, etc and expects dinner, etc we feel angry. This builds over time. If you took the time to help it would show us you cared. Then: you want sex when you want it. You are never interested in our needs. Not in foreplay, caresses, romance, etc. We feel used, not loved. When 28 years has passed and we no longer go out of our way to try .... Why are you surprised? You should be more surprised that we took that long for our love to grow cold. That is how much we loved you. Holding us and talking to us should not happen once or twice a month. Kissing and holding hands, the same. Sweet gestures, the same. We are not toys that are fun for a while and then should loose their interest. And for those of you men who run and have an affair when your lovely bride has worked at your side for many years because you can't deal with her getting sick, older, in the hospital, etc. You are not worthy of the woman who has loved you so selflessly.

I'm sorry you and your wife are going through this. My ex and I experienced something similar and it's taken years for me to understand why, and there are many, many layers to the issue in our case.
1. After having children, I felt he viewed me differently...more like a baby incubator and milk cow than a desireable woman.
2. Men admire attractive women. Especially young, attractive women who don't have eye bags from sleep deprivation and spit-up on their shirt. Everytime he looked at one and then turned to me for fulfillment, I felt ill.
3. Porn. See number 2.
4. It felt creepy when my husband would try to initiate sex without passion. It made me feel obligated not wanted.
5. Hygiene. Practice regularly...brushing teeth right before kissing doesn't count.
6. Spontaneity-not planned sneak attack, but at the moment you desire, truly WANT your wife, kiss her like it's the first time.
7. Overly-sensitive is off-putting. This "staring into her eyes" business....ewwww.

Women want to be wanted, desired, won.
Husband number 2? Ten years later and sex is great. Sometimes dinner gets burned because guess what's more important than him getting a hot meal? I am.

To me, this explains the unexplainable. Why is that you keep demonstrating your love for her -- doing things, helping out, telling her things, trying to express your affection -- only to have her turn away? You're well-intentioned, but she sees this as you pressuring her to do something she’s not quite ready to do yet, and at the same time pressuring her to contribute to the relationship at the same level you are, and inadequate when she is unable to.

But then why is it when you back off, she continues to be cold anyway (You can't win!)? Because either scenario feels the same. Whether she sees you as overbearing or withdrawn, your actions are still the result of something she’s done (or hasn’t done), and she feels pressured to do something else to make you happy, and inadequate and depressed when she cannot.

There are many things that, knowing this, I now SO regret saying to her. “Why can’t you just do this for us (or me)?” was one. “I don’t feel that you are as committed to our relationship as I am” or “I don’t feel like you reciprocate the things I do for you” were others. “No matter what I try, I can never make you happy” was another. Regardless of how I felt, in this context I now realize this was exactly the opposite of what I needed to communicate.

I said these things because I misread her actions (and reactions) as her not caring about me (or us). My “good deeds” or demonstrations of love that went unanswered only seemed to validate this. During the course of our relationship there were a few things I would ask from her – whether it be related to the bank, the house, or the bed -- that were perennial sore spots in our relationship. I think all along, I just wanted some sign, some reminder that she cared about me other than her just saying it (by the way, putting aside the fact that in the process I completely overlooked many, many signs that were her way of showing it). But now I realize she does – she cares to the point of mental and emotional paralysis. And here I am all the while making her feel like that isn’t good enough.

And one other thing I’ve learned – during these tough times (or any time), you can’t make her feel like she is the sole provider of your own happiness. That is the biggest burden you can possibly put on her. Broaden your interests and find happiness in other areas as well to round things out, whether they be your child(ren), friends, hobbies, activities, whatever – something that’s yours. Not only will you be happier and more able to weather the storm when things aren’t great, but will ease the pressure she feels to need to make you happy. Here is another area I had it wrong – I thought my total devotion to my family was a quality and should make her happy. I didn’t realize how she was perceiving this and consequences it was causing.

So what to do from here? Here’s my plan:
1. There’s nothing you can do, at least right now. So stop trying because you are only making it worse – stop trying to fix things, and stop trying to withdraw. Just stop trying all together. Stay “neutral” and supportive above all else, but drop the issue as best you can and move on. Start by finding those other (healthy) things you can get satisfaction from.

2. If she says she wants her space (i.e. wants to move out), let her have it. Don’t try and fight it or talk her out of it. She knows what she needs and the separation can be good for both of you to clear your thoughts and reflect on what you want. If you have a good foundation, there’s a very good chance it’ll only be temporary (and if she indicates it’s temporary, that’s a good sign).

3. Do these things on one condition – that the two you see a professional. This situation is beyond our control, and we are ill-equipped to handle it. Seeing a professional will help her find and deal with the source of her pressure, and help the two of you understand each other in the process.

Good luck!

i have read your post and am going through the same thing where I am a very sensitive, sensual, loving man. I also express my feelings most often through hugging/snuggling, but also will give a gentle touch, tell her how much I love her, hold her hand, and try to look her in the eyes (she often averts/looks away) and also try to kiss her (she often doesn't let it happen or expresses disgust). and or tells me i need to brush my teeth or im pregnant and most pregnant women fill this way do even your mom understands why cant u, the doctor said i would even fill this way or i no one in my family was lovee dovie im not used to all of this thats what she will say. she always says sarcastic remarks and or naps at me for the last month sense we been married and we only been married 2months and 4days. I am met with outright rejection This has been going on since my wife became pregnant. It seems almost like she has a phobia to intimacy -both emotional and physical just like u say ur wife has. (Even after I back off to givemy wife space.) I am also geting blamed for "causing" her behavior by making intimacy (as well as sex) an "issue", yet she is perpetuating things by continuing to behave negatively even when I have made significant changes myself just like u have to correct what she feels is "wrong". Her cold/grumpy behavior has not changed. The thing is, she has a huge heart and I know she cares deeply about things... I also just don't understand how it is that she can disconnect that same care and concern in her heart when it comes to the things that matter the MOST to me her own husband!in the end, I am left feeling rejected, hurt, and alone while living with and sleeping next to the woman I am madly in love with... While she continues to hurt my feelings on a regular basis by pushing me away and getting upset with me when I express frustration about how it makes me feel when my passionate spark/flame is met with a huge bucket of ice water day after day. I am left wondering.... is this normal for her to behave like this? Am I normal for feeling wronged, hurt, and sad after weeks upon weeks of being treated like a "roommate" instead of a loving/loved husband? please help me so i dont end up married for six years filling like this guy please some one help me

Your wife probably has a form of post-partum depression. If she won't take meds then ask her to go to couples therapy. You could both benifit from it by the sound of things.

Wow, I knew I wasn't the only one...but maybe the Only Lesbian dealing with the same situation. My Wife is not intimate as well, in all cases. It was like this at first, but has changed drastically. Everytime I bring it up, she frowns upon it. It drives me crazy...and brings down my self-esteem (and Lord knows I have a high one). I often tell her that I should have no excuse for BS when I deploy or go to my next duty station (we're dual military...and obviosly not allowed). I don't know what to do as well because I love her so much and show her in everyway, but everything I ask for, I'm give a quick denial. Hugs, Kisses, Sex, everything. So I pray. Keep your head up dear friend, and so will I.

P.S. Before anyone comments negatively on my post, remember this, I am serving Proudly just for you. Been in Battle numerous times. So before you say something negative, think about it, because it's me and my Soldiers who are defending this country to let you continue to live peacefully.

I only skimmed through your latest posting--I didn't fully read it--so I apologize if I misconstrued something.

You are choosing to suffer quite a bit, on account of your wife and children. Why? Given the way that she is treating you, does she deserve your love? I believe such love has to be earned. I don't believe in "self-less love"--I think such concept undermines the very idea of love, and the self-esteem of the one doing the loving. This is, of course, a Christian idea, and I'm an atheist, so I'll leave it at that.

I also don't believe having sex outside of marriage constitutes "cheating," if it is done with your wife's consent. Again, though, this runs contrary to Christian beliefs.

I get the sense that, due to your beliefs, having sex outside of your marriage, no matter what the circumstances, would play havoc on your conscience. This is good reason not to do it, as the emotional damage will be severe. You should engage in that only if you truly believe it's the right thing to do.

Your wife shouldn't criticize you for what you did. You were completely justified, given her behavior. The fact is, you didn't cheat, and she ought to trust you--you sound like a man of integrity to me. Her non-belief is insulting to you. That said, she probably felt that the "emotional" interaction with the other woman constituted cheating. That's only because she is erroneously projecting her own understanding (from a woman's perspective); she ought to look at it from a male perspective.

Otherwise, I don't have a solution for you. All I can say is that YOU need to look after whatever is in YOUR best interest. This, of course, includes your kids' best interest, and--depending on how much you truly value her--your wife's. But, YOUR interest needs to come FIRST.

I act the same way...she is obviously no longer in love with you.

I feel for you. And I don't have any great advice, if you love her and think that you can go through that for the rest of your life then I think stick with it.

But i don't think feeling like 'a roomate' for the rest of your life is worth it.
Just my opinion, and it's easy to give since I'm not in your shoes. Maybe talk to her about how you feel.

So my question why does the man always need to change. If your wife needs are not being met but your married multiple kids. Hmm it's not men its women not realizing their own inability to love. We all agree a man is not wanting to just play a card game at midnight in a girls bed room. We all agree men can be pigs. So what changed in our wives and marriage to makes us not matter to them. And please ladies face your husband not knowing it's your birthday what you thought he remember that and not what sport event is tonight. Again please let's stop being mad at our gender differences and face. Some women or most need reminders that you are a female and children come second husband first. Same with men for god sake we know you want nothing but sex, sports, food, sleep repeat. Ladies face you need to take a good hard look at nature. What are you here for what is my gender role. Men think how you can break away tell her you love her and she means more to you then sports and beer. But let's stop and face there is an over whelping number of men dealing with wives who hate their husband because they are mad they are married and have kids. Girls here are words to Live by. Grow the fuck up. You purpose in life reproduce and nature your mate and love your family. Sorry hallmark lies and hugh grant or Nicolas sparks is a crack head. Those stories are fantasy. People hated married with children because it made fun of the truth when it comes to family. Everyone grow up. Sex is important to marriage because why the fuck would either guy or girl what to be with some that they can not want to go home get it on. If you can not feel that way about your spouse its time for the d word.you can not force that out. You know ladies I might remember your birthday if I was rewarded for remembering instead you telling me I buy you gifts you hate. Why would want to go to party were every one looks at me like I am a human pile of shit. Girls use common sense. Men are dumb. My wife had a expression men only have enough blood for one head. Now which one gets used the most ok.

This is the exactly the same issue I have. I actually thought this was something I wrote. Be carful because it can depress you and you end up thinking something is wrong with you. I remember my first marriage and my wife had post pardon depression and she didn’t care about anything. But this is different. It’s like she has all of these thoughts bottle up and not sharing feeling, just emotionalis. I ask her to get counseling. I find myself having to have conversations with other people just to keep my sanity and from being depressed. I feel you on this

The same way u got her u need to continue doing what u did to keep her.. Make sure you are grooming yourself and taking care of your body..brushing your teeth etc ..if a woman is not interested in you sexually she is NOT at all attracted to you.. This is the truth men..( My honesty) i wish u all the best with your love life❤

As many have the same case, I myself have a high instinct, so its a torture that My wife doesn't have emotions .Why should i all the time do the initiative? I always think , should I leave her or find a temporary girlfriend? I know her for ten years and i see he getting more beautiful day by day. because of my two kids Im still holding this family. even when I do sex. she rejects me while doing it. she doesnt give 1% chance to share emotions. Is Sex the Basis of Marriage as I believe?

Wow! This sounds like me.

It's totally normal dw.
She has low self esteem.
Probably isn't happy with herself /her body.

Give her time & space and she will come to you.

She needs to heal & recover from any trauma she's dealing with

You're doing the right thing.
Just keep giving her good positive compliments
She will boost her confidence ☺

I have been married for 31 years. My wife is very well liked and spoken of by many people outside of our family. More than once I have been told by outsiders what a lovely and sweet person my wife is, and to outsiders that is very true.
But they are not married to my wife and don't see behind closed doors, and I don't let on how terribly sad I have become. My wife can be very proud and pompous but present to others as very sweet and soft.
When first married we had sex nearly every day. My wife does not have the same passion as I do but I tried to give her what she wanted. She would never initiate sex which made me feel like she didn't want it or care to have it. I can only peck her on the lips as she doesn't like kissing intimately. She would like to quickly finish the sexual activity. I have desires which I think are quite normal but my wife doesn't acknowledge that I should feel unsatisfied.
We used to have a cuddle but it was usually short lived when in bed as my wife can't sleep in my arms.
We have not been intimate for over 6 months (not even sure when last time we had sex) but when we were it was very sporadic. I liked to be intimate and spend time having sex but my wife just wanted to have an orgasm and quickly be over it
Sadly my wife doesn't accept that I should in any way feel bad about the situation. I often sit and suffer in silence and wonder why I don't get the same respect that I give my wife when it comes to sex or emotional intimacy. I get frustrated and sometimes blurt out my hurt in a way that makes things worse. My wife doesn't acknowledge me as someone who has feelings and I cannot remember a time when she stood up for me in (private or in public) and given support when I feel down.
She hasn't worked secularly since we have been married although she home schooled our son for seven years which is a significant achievement. So her time is mostly spent on being with her friends, reading library books, doing crosswords etc. Often when my own friends come around she would spend most of the time discussing things with them and spending time with them. I would sometimes get so frustrated that I would leave them to themselves.
I tried talking to some senior members of our church once but the view was that I was the main cause of any issues that I am experiencing as it was just not possible that I could have any reason to be frustrated with such a beautiful person as my wife.
I do get frustrated but have never been unfaithful as I try to live by biblical standards. So I feel trapped in a situation that hasn't got a solution. My wife wouldn't even dream that there should be an issue and has no sensitivity to my feelings at all. I can feel so sad and down and yet if someone were to visit us my wife would be talking and laughing so loudly as though I my feelings counted for nothing. I got married to be as one. I expect that when one partner hurts the other would also and be sympathetic, but instead my wife continues as though she was having the best time of her life. I have spoken to her about how I feel but to no avail. Being insensitive she doesn't see how her attitude could in any way make me feel neglected and saddened oven more.
Now we don't talk about sex or anything intimate so I just have to use my imagination and live off memories. My wife feels very comfortable with life and I dare not voice any frustrations of mine as I am made to feel as though I am abnormal in my views.

Such an interesting post. Too many to read. Is anyone posting on it still?Problem is.. so many good men out there which arent appreciated by their wives. Here I am..divorced.. I was a good wife.. but I chose to leave coz he wasnt interested. The only ones available are the bad ones. Well so it feels. Woman dont realize what is out there. If I had a guy that WANTED to be affectionate..id be in heaven. I love intimacy and have so much passion but nobody met yet to give it to. Woman dont realize what they have and how lucky they are

You should check out asexuality info. Your wife sounds like she might be somewhere on the asexual spectrum.

mine dont but loves to suck it

I don’t think my voice will ever be heard. I see myself ending up on the floor crying for many more years. I just pray to God that He will help me find a job again where I can still perform my duties well as a mother and administrator of our household. (I have been offered jobs before but it will take most of my time away from my kids. I would like to believe that I have raised wonderful, good-mannered, and intelligent kids because I have always been there with them and for them. I don’t want to jeopardize that.) Once I find a job, I will be self-sufficient and be able to provide for my kids and not be indebted to my husband and be required to have sex in exchange. Once I have a job, I hope I won’t be accused of being unappreciative and ungrateful.

I also look forward to the day when I have raised my kids well: well equipped with good virtues, values, and principles to live a life of good citizens, Christians, and heads of their families; self-sufficient and independent. When that time comes when my kids have their own lives, living a truly happy life, I hope to spend times alone, probably, introspecting by the sea shore, appreciating myself and what life has given me, and just having a simple “ME Time” and giving myself the opportunity to have time to LOVE MYSELF again.

Best wishes to all of you!

You have to understand that women are not one of your favorite gadgets, that once you turn it on we will start opening our legs and can be used as you please. We are not your high-tech computers that all you have to do is add more memory and we’ll perform much better to your satisfaction. We are human beings. We are a different species than the male population. In order for us to be turned on and share intimate moments, we need to be conditioned physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. We make love because our hearts and minds were stimulated with something magical called love. We need a special and intimate connection with our partners to express what is true and special in making love.

I hope somehow this has enlightened all or at least some of you. I wish you all the best in your relationships. As for me, at this point, I feel hopeless. I don’t think my husband will ever understand my sufferings. Everytime we have an argument, we are never on the same wavelength. We always end up apologizing without truly resolving the issues.

(continued below)

This morning, I finally had the courage to tell him what I feel, after I have been asked many times when I was still half asleep to have sex with him, and even when I was in the water closet. After venting out, I was expecting from him a better understanding of where I have been coming from all these years, and a sincere apology for his ignorance. However, I was yelled at for being unappreciative, unsupportive, and ungrateful for his hard work and sacrifices. I also got a sarcastic apology. When I told him I am longing for the embrace he gave me when his father passed away, I was yelled at for bringing that up because he thinks what I was driving at was the fact that his parents and siblings have treated me and my family as “lepers/outcast” (that is a whole separate story, I won’t even expound on this blog).

All I want is a genuine and pure embrace, and that intimate and meaningful moment will lead to a loving and magical moment called making love. My husband does not even look into my eyes and hold my hands to say he loves me. He sends me text messages, gives me greeting cards, and says he loves me many times in a day, but not in that intimate and loving way.

(continued below)

Everytime I embrace my husband, he jokingly pushes me and touches me in my private parts and fondles me. In bed, he just fondles me and expects me to just give in. Everytime I refuse and pushes back, he tells me that I should be thankful he is still interested in me. Sometimes I just give in because I think maybe that is a wife’s duty, to give in even if she feels violated, not respected, and treated like one of men’s favorite gadgets. Maybe I should just give in because I am in a much better place than a rape victim of a stranger. Many nights I cry myself to sleep, until I forget I am a human being.

Many days after, I am again faced with many challenges, trying moments, and overwhelming responsibilities juggling a million things to make my family feel happy, cared for, and loved. Many a days, I am too overwhelmed that I am longing for a warm pure hug. Then I am reminded that everytime I look forward to seeing my husband at the end of the day to get that embrace, I get scared and angry to be touched in my private parts. Then, I start realizing that I am again sitting on the floor crying feeling pathetic and helpless. I have made a lot of quick comments about that to my husband but have always been ignored and told that I should be thankful he is still interested in me.

(continued below)

On the other hand, like your wives, since I got married and had kids, my life is no longer mine. Almost everything I do, think, say, and feel, it’s all about, and for my kids and my husband. Don’t get me wrong, I also have my “Me Time”. To keep my sanity, I go to the gym, I have started running, and I read books, whenever I get the chance. As a full-time mother, every day is overwhelming with responsibilities, trying to accomplish things within limited time, and doing a lot of balancing acts (emotionally, socially, physically, mentally, financially, etc.). Probably, like many of the wives out there, just in case you do not know, many days, I just sit down on the floor and cry because of overwhelming responsibilities. Despite being overwhelmed and longing for more “Me Time”, I look forward to picking up my kids from school and having those warm genuine hugs and kisses from them. I am also definitely looking forward to my husband coming home from work and get a warm, sincere, and pure embrace from him. (TRUE embrace is so meaningful: it gives you an assurance that you have each other no matter how life has been; it’s an expression of how deep your love is for each other; and it’s an expression of gratefulness for being together again.)

(continued below)

The only times I remember my husband embraced and genuinely hugged me were: when we were teenagers, when he was courting me; and when his father passed away. He does not hold my hand when we walk together. I am the one who always reaches for his hand and he would then jokingly touch me in my private parts.

My husband is a good person. We have a very good partnership. We help each other in every single thing we have to do or go through as husband and wife, and as parents. He helps me with household chores even if he has worked long hours. We are totally in sync in terms of parenting our kids. We work hand-in-hand in managing our finances. We are two responsible individuals. My husband is a good provider. He is very generous and very supportive. He gives me flowers and expensive gifts. He encourages me to explore and open other doors, now that I am no longer tied up in the corporate “slavery”. My husband loves me.

(continued below)

To all the husbands who wrote in this series of blogs, I am the kind of wife you are all talking about. I hope what I am going to write below will give you a better understanding where many of your wives are coming from.

I am an educated professional who worked in good positions in Fortune 100 companies. I am in my late 40s, who has been married more than 10 years. I am now a full-time mother with two adorable and lovely kids. I am a very warm person. I definitely have a sensual side and I love intimate moments.

(continued below)

Your wife could be emotionally reserved. I'm the same way when it comes to affection. Its normal to be emotionally reserved. If it is causing damage to the relationship, you could go into couples counselling.

To everyone who are concerned about these issues the problem is plain and clear.....they all have a personality disorder. They need to go to a psychologist and get evaluation to find out which disorder fits them and get it treated. If they dont think anything is wrong with the inappropriate behavoir they display and you continue to go along with it, you both loose! Nobody wins. If you cant get them to get help for themselves, run as fast as you can before you kill them or loose your mind in the process.

This is the last thing I will add: Jesus said to love your wife as he loves the church! He sacrificed himself for the church. He gave everything for the church. He was a "servant" unto the church. That means dear sir, that your instruction is to put your wife first. Not your job, not your ministry, not your hobbies. You need to recognize that she is a beloved daughter of The Lord and you have been entrusted by him to love her, to help her, to lead and to co-learn together as she is your helpmeet. Not your slave. Not to be used. You are to serve her and lead by example. Read the scriptures again and again. You will find that you have a sword hanging over your head for how you treat this daughter. She will be handed a white stone just as you will be. But you have been entrusted with HER. Just as a person is left caring for the vineyard in the bible. Let him who hath understanding understand.

I should add intimacy is between 2. When you are not one with your wife in all things as The Lord has commanded, you will not have intimacy. If you want to fix your relationship:

1. Pray
2. Ask your wife what you have done to harm, offend, and hurt her.
3. Learn what you have done wrong and never do it again.
4. Repent truthfully to your wife.
5. Ask for forgiveness.
6. Love in Agape style until death do you part.

If you truly repent, ask for forgiveness, and mend your ways, no woman on the face if the earth who loves you will be able to say no.

Do the "Love Dare" and watch the movie together every time you feel that things are drifting off course.

Christ! I didn't read all of your post, but I sure hope they were a little less assumptive and insulting!
I am aware that I don't know what is happening in your lives but just hear me out. Just because she doesn't want sex or intimacy doesn't mean that she is suffering depression. It's callous to assume because she doesn't want you smothering her or writhing around on top of her that she has a mental illness. She might just need space. Men's lack of understanding of women has had women's behavior classified as 'mental illness.' 'Hysteria' Greek for Uterus, meaning, disturbance of the uterus for centuries. read, 'The yellow wallpaper' it's men's behaviors that send women crazy!
I am a woman. I am in my mid thirties. I am a mother. I am a student. I am a daughter, a taxi, a teacher, a cook, cleaner, a therapist, a friend, a wife, employee, a friend.....the list goes on. You know difficult to find time to be........ME! Just me, just simple, little'ol me. And be given respect for being me. I need space and I seldom get it.
I am not big on intimacy, or passion, but I am lucky, my partner knows and accepts this about me. He never pressures me, or makes me feel guilty. I know he is a passionate and affectionate guy (And, a little news for you, most of you blokes are. Young women crave intimacy more than their older counterparts and I think it's to do with having less demand on their lives and,, persons)but he allows me to be me and when I feel like I am not completely drained, like a bag of wet sand, I go to him and give him what I know he needs. But if he were to make me feel guilty or pressured, I'd resent the shit out of him and back the fuck away!
He knows me and he respects me so I respect him and we accept each other the way we are.
I can't begin to believe that any of you seriously believe that women, by nature, are more affectionate and intimately needy than men. What an absolute fallacy. The likelihood that two people in any relationship, require the same amount of passion or intimacy is incredibly low, I'd go so far as even to say completely unlikely. For some people, men and women alike, low levels of intimacy is needed and/or desired, for others they are a little needier. People vary, considerably, in their sex drive and desire for intimacy.
When the partner who requires more intimacy, attempt to gain more intimacy from the other person, they can effectively repel them.
Hold your hands up, palm to palm, about 5 inches apart. This might be a happy, safe distance for one partner. when you come in closer (move your hand in), the other person is likely to try to put themselves back at their comfortable distance (move the other hand back to the 5-inch distance). This makes it appear they are moving away from you. Now, when a person feels they are pressured or are being made to feel guilty that their need for intimacy doesn't match yours, they will resent you and they will get angry with you. Possibly even hate you, for it. This is in part because you're putting your own needs before theirs. People's sex drive and intimacy needs change over time.
Look, all I suggest is, stop blaming her for the problem. See that it is a very, very common issue. I'd go so far as safely to say, it's the most common issue dealt with in couples therapy. It's not that your woman is different to all the other women and you've lucked out. It's that every human in this world, male and female, have different needs and levels of comfort. If you love her and you respect her, you'll take the time and stop making her feel guilty for not sharing the same level of need as you.
If you've already reached resentment and it's likely you have then repairing the damage will be a bit more difficult. But if you truly love her, then do it and not because it's a means to an end ( the end being You get what YOU want!!)but because there is a lot of pain in her, regarding this issue too. Unfortunately, she's probably clammed up because she feels under attack. Google some shit! not just forums are full of needy, selfish blokes who can't see beyond their own needs.

im going thru the same thing, but i lost my true love to a drunk driver, i met my new love 2 yrs ago moved her ang her daughter in , i love her so much, she said she loves me every day, but not into kissing, sex any romance latly, im falling apart i love her, do anything for her and her 9 yr old daughjter, all i can say is hang in there , im trying, good luck, dont give up, love is hard to find ,if its true ,ask god, im still holding on for his help,

I have the same problem with my wife and talk to her about it and nothing changes. Is hormonal if they would take hormones or testosterone it would help their libido. The reason they don't like hugs and kisses is they know were it leads. My wife doesn't think there is a problem or wants to take any medication. She would rather have me divorce her. She don't understand that for a man it effects their confidence and ego. It creates a lot of stress even at the expense of our kids. It is very detrimental to the entire family and she still doesn't have the compassion to fix her libido. I have been trying everything with no success. Its a miserable way to live when you love someone. Its tortuous. I don't know how much more I can take. I am a source of income, her handyman, brother, etc. Everything but a lover and a husband. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy and I hope my kids never have a relationship like this. I am tired of women dishing men for having affairs when if their wife's would do there job they would be looking for other women. Men are the true romantics and women are sick.

wow so many ppl complain about there wife( all the wives not same) am gonna say what ever you said about your wife its not normal.me and my husband been married for 8years my husband means the world to me i can't imagine my life without him. my husband feels the same for me. we have three beautiful kids together even after the kids my feelings never changed for him even his not changed at all. when i want to go out like just to the mall or something he always takes care of the kids because he knows that when i want to be alone( alone means not everyday sometimes like twice a month)(( do you tell your wife to go out have time for her and you will take care of the kids)) i dont work i only stay home and take care of my kids at home. i do everything sometimes he help me with cooking on weekend. ((do you help your wife in house chores )) i dont have anything to complain about husband.

yes we do argue sometimes ( not fight) but we dont blame each other for anything.( do you blame ur wife or ur wife blame you for something. if yes why?) if am mad at my husband he try to make me laugh and i do the same.

i have seen some ppls problems start when there financial condition is bad ( have you ever try to find out that why your financial condition is bad?) i dont work only my husband does but still i try to save his money i dont spend his money on stupid things i only spend money on the things that i really need( who spends the more money you or your wife?? we have everything that we need like house car etc. there are so many reasons and so many ways to save money.(cooking at home, car oil change at home, learn how to do pedicure,manicure,eyebrow,waxing,how to cut hair etc. so many ways to save money)

when it come to love i love my husband like girl friend not like wife. when his upset or sad about something i talk to him like as best friend. he does the same

there are so many ways to understand each other

My situation with my wife is very much analogous to this chat trail. I have been trying for years and trying everything to get my wife to come around. We have been addressing the emotional issues to bring us together in intimacy and sexually. We are communicating and working through these things. She never takes initiative to address her female physical issues even though she always says she will. She agrees at her age (a young 50+) she is constrained by normal age related female issues on terms of desire and physical stimulation and need for love, intimacy and sex. I read all the blogs to get educated and be open minded. They are VERY informative and helpful. You are all so wonderful. I cannot get my wife to participate and apply this level of open mindedness to all the education out there. I have been battling this for many years now and have become very aggressive and vocal that things need to change. I am being fair, honest, loving, considerate, everything and anything to get my wife to fall back in deep love with me and make intimacy and our sexual relationship priority. She loves me, respects me and generally speaking appreciates me but just never goes the distance in making this a priority and fixing this part of our marriage. On many occasions she agrees to commit the time, open mindedness and heart to fix this but never gets there. I do not believe she is lying to me. I believe given choice she really does want this in her life and is also frustrated by it. Neither of us cheat or have desire for another person. At this point, I am so over the top with frustration I just do not know what to do. We have discussed counseling. When I am adamant it is time she comes to life to avoid going and responds but ultimately does not sustain and then falls back to her normal ways of just not desiring or needing me intimately. She claims her lack of desire and need is first a physical lack of need and 2nd the emotional pain of the years of the constant frustration challenging her ability to want to be with me this way and making it a part of what is suppose to be normal between a husband and wife. I cannot go on any longer like this. I am becoming terribly depressed. It is impacting my job and all aspects of my life. I am coming to the conclusion I cannot go on if we cannot fix this. For many years I thought I could managing to our children and busy life and that over time she would come around. As of yet she has not even when it seems she truly is making an effort. Words cannot describe how much I love my wife and want and need to be connected this way.

I guess my question today is since we are doing all this communication and trying and not seeming to get over the hump would counseling make a difference? Is it possible it could make things worse? Have we tried to a point where we just need to do this even if it does not work and we end up divorcing? That is the last thing either of us want. Please advise.

Crazy! I had no idea there were so many going through the same issue I have been going through. I have spent 10-12 yrs going through an affection-less marriage. Started around the time my first child was born. We now have 3 kids. This could all stem from a hormonal issue or past trauma I dont know about, but whatever the case I don't believe I will be around for the remedy. At this point, I have tried it all: Conversations, professionals, being supportive, focusing on my hobbies, sports, exercise, exercise, exercise, not pressuring, listening, loving the kids, helping the kids to be better people, helping kids with homework everyday, helping the kids with sports, not being needy, giving her time to herself any time she wants, always allowing her to go out with friends, watching the kids, doing chores all the time, doing my share all the time, bringing home a good salary, staying busy, stay in great shape, stay healthy, so on, and so on...Having read all of these comments it seems to me that there are very few resolutions to these issues. I haven't read one fix, one remedy, or one recovered message. No one has said, wow things were very bad but now things are great. I just want my kids to remain healthy and happy during an inevitable divorce. My children are why I have stuck with this as long as I have. If she doesn't want me, OK, sucks, but OK. I hope she can find a happy place with someone else.

Man, tough stuff!!

I read several of the stories in this thread about intimacy issues, and I kept wondering the same things. I obviously don't know any of you, and I certainly don't know your partners or anything about the lives you share--your relationships, your day-to-day challenges, etc., so please keep in mind that I'm merely throwing these thoughts in the air in case they land in anyone's lap who may find them useful/applicable.

Is there any chance your partner has experienced child sexual abuse (CSA) or any other form of sexual assault throughout their life? Even if it seems like an absurd question, considering you likely know her or his history well, it may be worth some investigating. Many survivors of sexual assault have no memory of it for years and years...until, perhaps, they run across a "trigger" that brings the memory back to an accessible part of their brains. Sometimes this may just mean a strange(often indescribable) anxious feeling and/or may manifest as nightmares (not necessarily about the assault). Often, these survivors can't mentally approach their assaults because they are far too painful to process; but months or years after entering an intimate relationship with someone they trust, and with whom they feel safe, their defenses against the memories begin to weaken. Or, in some cases, a new traumatic event (and though it's usually a happy event, childbirth is extremely traumatic) can push those memories closer to the surface. Any sort of body trauma may be especially triggering because the body has a memory of its own. Of course, it isn't the same kind of memory that's housed in our minds. But our bodies remember things in more of an associative way (much the same way as a smell can "take you back" to some place or person or event from 20 years ago that is clearer than even your memory of driving to work today). Maybe a certain type of touch or a certain movement or pain, etc releases some of the associations made subconsciously between that touch or that body part and the assault. The husband who wrote this initial post noted that his wife's intimacy began after their youngest child was born 5 years earlier. Maybe something happened during that pregnancy or labor that was different than before...and whatever that something was may have acted as a trigger...maybe it had something to do with the extreme hormonal chaos that happens during pregnancy and labor...?

Also, some people are also traumatized by acts that are not necessarily physically assault-like in nature. Maybe someone's grandfather jokingly referred to them as too fat or too thin or something as they were growing up, and they internalized the bad feelings from that experience...they came to believe about themselves what their grandfather claimed to believe, even if in jest.

I'm getting a little off track here, but the point is, there are a million different variables at play in the various scenarios described above, but they mostly have at least hint at the potential for illustrating a history of sexual assault and/or physical/sexual trauma.

There are a gazillion books on the subject, and there are different types of therapeutic possibilities...the first step, though, would be to find a space where you and your partner can talk openly with each other. It's so important to be kind and not accusatory when approaching such a sensitive subject--especially if it hits a nerve of truth in your partner. Sexual assault survivors usually feel they were robbed of their sense of control...so they very much want to keep it and keep in mind that they are keeping it. The vulnerability involved with intimacy--emotional and physical--is so very closely tied to the sense of lost control that they likely felt during the assault, it makes achieving intimacy quite difficult. Also, their guilt and shame may make them strike out at you for wanting to have sex with them because their associations with it (at least for now) are of all things dark, scary, and invasive, not to mention violent. Maybe their resurgence of negative emotions is tied to men because her assailant was a man...so, for now, maybe she needs to avoid being too close to a man. I've often heard that, sexual assault or not, when one person in a partnership is having intimacy issues, it's best to agree to take a sexual break for an agreed upon period of time...this allows the person with intimacy issues to feel free from pressure and makes their partner's language come across more as a topic of conversation than an agenda or accusation. Of course, this usually leads to a calmer conversation that isn't as prone to allowing emotions drive the conversation entirely...and means less room for defensive discussions that gain strength by each person's negative emotions feeding off the others.

Like I said, it may not apply in any of these situations, but if you're determined to work through this with your partner, it couldn't hurt to do some research on your own. If there truly is nothing trauma/assault related that is causing the problem, I must admit that it would seem difficult to believe there aren't some critical elements of your relationship that need to be examined and considered carefully.

I feel for all of you. I know well the pain you're suffering. Your partners are suffering, too, for whatever reason, so I hope you'll keep your love for each other in your minds as well as your hearts, voice, and touch whenever you discuss this or any other aspect of intimacy.

Peace

Hi,

I found your story last night, and I swear I could have written it. I am the same way -- very affectionate and sensitive husband. I am madly in love with my wife, and in spite of what I feel are positive changes I've made and actions I've done, I have experienced the same coldness and rejection. The rejection is the hardest part to deal with -- how it makes you feel as a man, a husband, and a person.

You love your wife, but you feel sadness, frustration and even anger. She knows how you feel but seems to do nothing. You feel she doesn't care about you, your needs, or your feelings. You are exhausted from trying to make things right. You are doing everything you can, but feel like you are just throwing these things into a bottomless pit, because you never see or hear from them again, and nothing seems to make any difference.

So you back off, and to an extent things seem to get better. But as soon as you allow yourself to feel hopeful about your relationship the cycle starts over. And if you back off too much, she seems to withdraw and be distant anyway.

I think I have the answer, and if you ruminate on it for a while and reflect upon past situations that you may have read differently at the time, I think it will completely change your perspective, diffuse the animosity you may have toward your wife (and possibly even give you empathy/sympathy), and restore much of your own self esteem at the same time.

If you're like me, you feel like you aren’t doing anything wrong (quite the opposite). And you haven't, necessarily. It's just that your efforts to this point are misinterpreted by your wife, or they are misguided because, like me, you didn't understand the core issue. And it's not that she won't tell you what that core issue is. It's just that she can't, because she doesn't necessarily understand or realize it herself.

The issue is one word -- "pressure". And it is very common with spouses, particularly mothers of younger children. Being in that position puts a lot of pressure on your wife -- pressure to be the perfect mom, the perfect spouse, the perfect friend, the perfect housewife, and the perfect employee (if she works). Culture has a lot to do with this, but there are other factors (including internal ones) too.

And you may think, "but what pressure? I don't put any pressure on her to be perfect. I just want her to love me and let me love her". And you are probably right. It's more than likely coming from her -- it's the pressure she puts ON HERSELF, particularly if she's the type that tends to do that often in other aspects of life (as mine does). Looking back, there are so many times she mentioned "pressure" to me when describing her job, doing things around the house, taking care of our daughter, or most recently, performing in bed. I just never put it together until now (and hopefully it isn't too late).

Many times she'd express to me how overwhelmed she feels by life, and I'd look around and wonder what there was to be overwhelmed about. I'd help out whenever and wherever I could to try and ease the burden nonetheless. But even that didn't seem to help. It was because -- although I think I am helping to ease her stress -- in reality, by her seeing me able to manage my own "stuff" AND help out with hers, she just feels more inadequate, which puts extra pressure and stress on her to step up and “perform” to your level.

(More...)

First I just want to say I think your wife is EXTREMELY lucky to have you and she is taking you for granted. I don't think it is normal to push away someone you are in a committed relationship with. That is a big part of the relationship and it is wrong of her to not even try and make you to feel loved and wanted. I totally understand what you are going through. I am going through the same thing. If I had a man like you I would be very happy, and would love the affection as I don't get much either. Good luck I hope things works out and your wife comes to her senses and embraces the love!

Listen amigo(s) I found this post because I feel like my wife pushes me away a lot and I am starting to believe that this kind of normal in a relationship that is suffering from uncontrollable factors. What I have found however is something of a solution. I have found that people especially guys can find solutions for their need for intimacy outside of the marriage w/o cheating on their loved ones. Guys this may seem crazy but go learn to dance. Pick Salsa to start, go register for 6 months straight classes and stick with it no matter how broke you are or what your wife says. If she asks you where you are going, tell her and don't let her go with you, at least for 6 months until you start to get good at it. Make an effort to get to know your fellow students and find out where they go to party. If your in a big city your are guaranteed to have some kind of salsa parties on random nights of the week.
Here is what will happen.. you will get to hold and move with new people, you will get some body movement into your life in a positive constructive way, you will have something that is yours, you will start to feel confident and sexy again and it will show in your day to day life.
You will suck at dancing at the beginning but everybody goes through it and if you stick with it and go out dancing regularly, you will get better quickly and love it! If you are feeling really bummed out, get on line, find the local dance studio and ask about taking a private lesson with the female teacher, one on one.

I will tell you what will happen with your wife. She will eventually want to go with you and she will feel how good you are since you had been working for 6 months. If you start to teach her to dance intimacy will return to your life in a way you never thought it could. If she does not ever ask you if she can go, its her loss and you will find that the emotional connection you make with other dancers will help you see your life and you wife in a totally different light. Especially if you start to get really good.

If your more of a romantic and salsa is not your thing, go find swing dancing or Argintene tango, or better yet, blues dancing!! There is nothing more sexy than that!

DO NOT, go to a normal ballroom dancing class!! Go seek out club style teachers who can teach you to dance the way that people do in clubs. Ballroom is more of a sport meant for 1 partner, and to preform.

I am telling you guys go directly form reading this to a new google search for salsa dancing + "your city", write down the name of at least one studio and sign up. Just do it, dont think, dont worry about the money. Its way cheaper and much better than any counseling or going and doing something you will really regret!

Good luck guys (gals)!

Insightful

She's not being fair with u.

Firstly I would like to say that I am sorry for you going through everything that you are encountering throughout this emotional rollercoaster that your wife is going through. Openingly, I have to admit that I myself, is going through exactly what your wife is experiencing. I have been married since May 2009, we were together for five years prior to us getting married. Throughout our five year relationship, my husband was encountering a prescription drug problem that his mother and step mother were providing him alongside of him visiting several different doctors to provide him with the chosen drug. During that time, I held on because I truly loved him and I knew God was going to take care of it. Well, it got to the point that my husband was making me feel like I was going crazy that he was on drugs. I had made an appointment to see a therapist the next day, I was relieved to find out that "I wasnt going crazy" and that I needed to stop trying to control my husband. Well that day I gave my husband to God and tried to live my life for me and our daughter. That evening after the therapy appointment, God awoke my husband with rushing to the hospital due to a drug over dose. That happenend a year ago, and since then he hasnt touched them since.

To respond with your wife's behavior, I find my self drawing further and further away from my husband due to the previous hurts in the past. I dont understand why this is happening but I wish in my own relationship that there was more bonding. More finding things that make both of us happy. I want to feel as if our relationship was more of a team enviroment. When reading all of your postings, I know that your helping out around the house and the kids. But in my opinion, that never works, because in my mind that should be something that should be done by the both of you together. Find out what interests her the most. Like for instance with myself, I have begged my husband to play a game of dominoes with me or doing our daily devotionals together. I want to feel a since of togetherness instead of jumping when he says jump. Or when the touchy feelingness seems like the only reason he is doing this is to have the only ending reaction of sexual intamacy. I would like to see my husband start working on himself so his self confidence level starts to build. I am a psychology major in child development and I find a since of confidence building once the required classes are passed. I am not sure if this whole posting helped you, but know that your arent alone. That I myself am placing my husband in a simular position if not exact.

Yes your fooling yourself.

Is your wife Japanese?

I would say that life is too short to live it unfulfilled. We each have our own to make the most of it and are not obliged to give it to someone else. Make plans to move on with your life and find the fulfillment you deserve.

Otherwise take your misery and don't complain.

Make a choice and live with it.

Maybe you should look at her needs first see it from the other foot women are not physical specimens they are emotional.
I think you should try, little things first not trying to please her in bed or when you feel like getting freeky! And if that doesn't work look at the big picture you both should be laughing alot and enjoying the company of each other if your missing something in your relationship FIND it b4 it's to late!

I am also going through a very similar situation. I remain faithful and it has nothing to do with religion (I'm agnostic) but more of core values. Saying that my son is 10 months old and I have been going through this for about 2 years now. I have had several (seemingly forced) discussions regarding physical intimacy, however they just lead her to withdrawing and getting angry for bringing it up. I have felt alone in this situation, however after reading this post and comments, I no longer feel alone. My wife is taking antidepressents, but no change to physical intimacy. Shenever initiates intimacy with me, and rarely states, "I love you" unless it is a reply to me saying it. She feels like I do not understand that she is stressed, however I too am stressed. I would like to hear from those also going, or have gone through this to find out how you have handled it or the outcome. Thanks and I hope it works out for all of us in similar situations.