Need insight. is it normal i want to study music instead of chemistry? wtf.
Here is the thing. I have always been a good student. Dedicated, focused, always made sure that my grades were good and I never went on a test unprepared. All this enabled me a nice scholarship, which I am receiving now in college. In order to keep it, I must maintain a certain average. An average which cannot be achieved without studying. I study chemistry, which has almost always been my passion. As long as I can remember, I wanted to get a PhD in my field, be a scientist and achieve something big. Help the humanity… I've always been very ambitious and driven. Now, to the problem. Another passion of mine has always been music. It was always a secondary interest, not as strong as chemistry/academic area. In the past year, I started attending a lot of concerts of legendary artists I always admired. I also started listening to music even more than I used to. And I fell in love. I love music more than anything in the world. Words cannot describe how it makes me feel. And I am losing interest in chemistry. I feel really weird about this. Recently, I have not been able to study like I used to. I kind of lost my focus. I just want to spend all my time doing something connected with music. I even started going to my exams almost completely unprepared. This is so unlike me. My grades are slipping. I cannot seem to be able to mentally kick myself anymore and make myself study. And what scares me the most is that I don't really care. Which is absolutely idiotic, because my scholarship enabled me to go to all those concerts in the first place. I'm scared of the direction I'm going in, and I think that, at this point, I need some insight. The thought of quitting college has crossed my mind several times, but I won't be doing that, as it is a great source of income and, well, my dream. At least it was as some point?! I'm confused. Really. Besides, I worked so hard to get in my college I feel it's a real shame to throw it all away. And I know I would regret it if I didn't achieve my full potential in the field of chemistry – get that PhD. But… I became completely obsessed with the idea of being a professional trumpet player. That being said, I have never played trumpet before in my life. I played guitar for 4 years when I was a kid, but that was it. I start playing trumpet next month. Already enrolled in class. I plan on buying one too, and the money will go out of my scholarship. So… What do you all think about this? Am I crazy or what? Is it crazy to think that I could become a musician? I am now 20 years old. How can I regain my interest in chemistry? It's not like it's completely gone, it has just become secondary. Whenever I'm not doing something related to music (college work), my mind goes in a haze and I sort of can't focus. And the sad thing is that I have enough time to do both. I just can't seem to stick to my plans for studying. I mean, WTF is wrong with me?! Opinions… Greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance for taking your time to help me out.