New partner checks out other women in front of me

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10 Comments

And when I say that's disrespectful to me when I'm your new girlfriend he says I'm insecure and that all guys check out asses and boobs in front of their partners it's just a matter of accepting it and not being insecure when he looks while he's with me. But he stares so long and none of my exes ever checked out anyone their eyes were only on me but when I said that he said I'm lying that my exes were all looking at boobs and asses too but they were always looking at me..i never once saw them look elsewhere they all said i was so beautiful and would stare at me constantly. He's flirting with waitresses staring at her butt, looking at boobs of a girl standing near us and smiling and laughing at me when I see him looking like it's a joke and I don't like it..

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Based on 6 votes (3 yes)
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Comments ( 10 )
  • litelander8
    2 years ago

    My man and I have open conversations about the attractiveness of other women. We even go to strip clubs together. I wouldn’t say that I’m not insecure by any means. I just know he’s gonna look anyways. And if a woman looks that good, I’m probably looking too.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      2 years ago

      Okay but that's far from common

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      • litelander8
        2 years ago

        To be able to appreciate attractive people with my best friend? Probably should be more normal.

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  • Boojum
    2 years ago

    On the one hand, it sounds like you're insecure. On the other hand, it sounds like your boyfriend is a jerk.

    Guys notice women. It's just how we're wired up. I can't help looking at and admiring shapely butts and legs, but I have enough sense to do this in such a way that neither the woman herself or my wife is aware of what I'm looking at.

    Your boyfriend is a bit of a dickhead for being so blatant about looking at other women when he's with you, and he's an asshole if he is literally flirting with them right in front of you. But he's also most likely right about your exes. You may not have been aware of them looking at other women, but I think that just means they weren't as uncouth as your current guy and they were probably sneakier. Unless all those guys were paragons of virtue and totally obsessed with you, it's virtually certain they were looking at other women when you weren't with them.

    It's a cliché that whenever someone posts something on IIN about problems in a relationship that that they're advised to break up. However, in this case I think that might be something you seriously consider. Not so much because the guy is looking, but because he's doing that in such a way that he knows you're aware of it, he knows it irritates you and he just doesn't care. That suggests to me that the guy is either emotional immature, he lacks empathy, he sees you as someone to fill a niche in his life until he finds someone hotter, or all of the above.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      2 years ago

      I'm not insecure when I'm holding his hand he's staring at a literal ass and laughing at me because he thinks it's funny and that's disrespectful. I know I'm attractive I could break up with him and find someone way better looking at any moment but I don't because I'm devoted and I respect him. I don't really want to break up though I just want more maturity and respect :/

      And no my exes never looked at other women. They found it odd that other people did that while in a relationship because if you're looking at other people you're not in love.

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      • Boojum
        2 years ago

        You're right: that's very disrespectful.

        I think you need to be careful not to fall into the trap so many women do where they stick with a guy in the hope that they're going to "improve" him. People are who they are, and it's stupid to hope that we can change them into someone who better fits our idea of perfection. The only way your guy is going to become more mature and respectful is if he decides to change his attitudes towards life and women. If his flaws are such that they outweigh the good points of being with him (and I assume you must gain _something_ positive from being his girlfriend), then you should move on.

        As for you being devoted to him, you might want to consider something called the Sunk Cost Fallacy. This is the idea that once we've invested a lot in something - whether that's money, time or emotional energy - we tend to be reluctant to let it go, even if a rational, objective evaluation would lead us to conclude that the ongoing costs are greater than the benefits we gain.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          2 years ago

          Thanks it's just hard because we do get along other than that and a few minor disagreements and we enjoy being with each other but there's some maturity issues. He actually didn't reveal them when I first met him I only found out after a month.

          You're right it's too upsetting to me because even if we go to a restaurant he'll turn around and even look at the waitress butt as she walks away and raise his eye brows and smile wide trying to tell me she's hot which is just really hurtful to me. But it's hard because if he didn't do that and a few other things it would be an amazing relationship.

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          • SkullsNRoses
            2 years ago

            Date him for who he is, not who you want him to be. Do you want to go through life with someone who disrespects you?

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  • darefu
    2 years ago

    Try returning the favor and see how he takes it.

    Next time your out comment about some attractive guy as he passes by. Like, nice butt or he's got such a handsome manly face or jaw line, you could even add "don't you think".

    Just to see his reaction, if he doesn't react then you'll never change him. Not that trying to change him is a good idea. But if he doesn't react then he truely sees nothing wrong with it and feels it's okay to look and even make comments.

    I personally would rather have it that way, than to have someone hide or try to hide they're looking.

    I'm more like litelander8, me and my SO openly comment to each other about other attractive people.

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  • 1WeirdGuy
    2 years ago

    I use to do that around my wife when I was younger but I've grown out of it. Maybe he will too idk.

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