No friends ,lonely

i thought i had friends,

my parents wont let me go out and come back late, mainly because i lived in a dangerous place from their viewpoint,
my friends just call me for paries orm something like that, after 6 o clock or after 6 o clock, my parents didnt let me go out, or
i cant just come back late, they would be so angry about it.

sometimes i use to cry at nights thinking about this/these,

if there is a time im not with them, they use to talk about me, like im something wierd, maybe im wierd.
this is told by one of my friend when he was a bit angry./is he actually my friend?maybe not,

i dont use to open up myself to everyone,
like how could i trust someone will keep it secret/leave it.

now we changed our location, according to them this is a safe place,.

but where will i go who will i meet?, and how will i know they will collect my information only to bully me or something like that...

and i dont know how to make friends,
maybe because i never had a friend, it really hurts to be me, i dont even know how to talk to girls, now i don't even know how to talk to anyone,.

if i were on my old location i should had friends, even if they are fake friends.

i cant expose my full story about this, because it may affect my anonymity.

i dont want to tell there to anyone else,
why do i, just to see pity for me,
and earn pity fake friends just not to make me lonely again.

im happy to know the reality, but im sad now, when i look back, i always was sad,.

for a few weeks i was enjoying the sadness,
but now im trying to control it, it may reach the psychopathathic edge, sometimes i feel like the new joker from the JOKER [uncontrollable laugh,laughing because of sadness,pathetic].

im telling these because all these are overwhelming me,hurting me,who would i tell all these to,no_one/mirror/..?
/girlfriend?,how would i get a girlfriend if i never had a friend.

i dont know what to do,
i sord of thought of suicide, but it is never an answer to anything...

im not a kid, but i feel like a kid,

the wierdest thing is that others happiness makes me sad[couples,friends]