No reason to even try to be better

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This thought popped into my head today as I decided to once again lay back down because I just don't want to live my life today.

It's cold, snowy, depressing Sunday. Nothing to do, nowhere to go. No love life. No sex life. No family that cares enough about me to give me a reason to be better. I'm not even sure my friends or even my coworkers do.

And I know that means it's up to me but I don't know. Maybe it is just the utter stark reality that our mental health is not completely up to us. It is dependent upon the choices and actions of the people around us. That are emotional and mental well-being is not solely dependent on what we do; others do have an affect on us. They give us a reason to change, to improve ourselves and make better choices.

Or don't. Because they don't care, they don't give a crap. Even if that's because they're bogged down with their own shit too, it's just a mess, and in the end, I'm not getting better. I deserve better. It shouldn't boil down to just me hunkering down figuring out my mess and making better choices and then talking to a therapist once a week to pick me up and make sense of things.

I need reasons to live. And I just don't think it's up to me alone.
My life is very empty outside my family and the one friend I have who I hang out with every few months and occasionally text.
My dating and sex life is grim at best.
I have little motivation to even do anything I could possibly enjoy.
I feel I need a reason to live, a purpose, some-one who I am keeping myself going strong for.

I don't know what to do.

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Comments ( 4 )
  • kelili
    2 years ago

    You can't change the people around you but you can change the people around you.

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  • 1WeirdGuy
    2 years ago

    I dont know how to give you advice without telling you what to do qnd it sounds like youve tried this but if you do find a significant other it would probably help alot. Its hard to find them but they are out there looking for you too.

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    • donkeykong716
      2 years ago

      It’s helpful to know or think that someone out there is looking too, might find me attractive.

      Maybe I feel the way I do because I feel like I’m the only one. That tackles with the problems I have.
      There is no ‘me too’ in my life.

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  • Billy247newaccount_35467829
    2 years ago

    Oh well. Also, I find one statement you made pathetic. If you need a person to give you a reason to live, to improve yourself, to make better choices, that just goes to show you're very weak. No wonder why you're in this position. You're not even improving because you want to. You're doing it because someone else tells yoy to. Makes no sense. Same for the statement you make, where you said you need someone to keep going for. Once again, you wouldn't be living because you want to. You're living for someone else. How is that any better?

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