Not sure if i can connect with my dog.

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8 Comments

Hi everyone,

I have an 8 month old Golden Retriever. Both my husband and I are fist time dog owners. We were excited to get a dog when we finally bought a house. We were excited to develop a bond with our dog like the kind everyone else seems to have.

When we brought Maya home we were excited because she was adorable. That excitement was short lived as we both became exhausted during the first few weeks when she would whine through the night. That's ok. We knew it was going to be a lot of work, combined with potty training (no grass on our lawn yet so our new floors in the fall were a disaster), regular training, puppy classes, etc. Eventually she became house trained, and learned some commands (sit, lie, high five, paw). All sounds good, so what's the problem?

The problem is that I do not yet feel a bond with my dog, and I don't know if I ever will. Please do not judge me for saying this as I am just looking for help. As I have said, I have never had a dog before so I don't have a point of reference. I have only ever had cats. I know for a fact that my cat loves me. She is affectionate, possessive of me, misses me like crazy when I am away, and I can see it in her eyes. I don't get even a 10% feeling of that with Maya, yet I spend 10x more time and energy on her. I take her to the dog park and additional walks every day, she eats only the top quality of food, I pet her, play with her, bathe her, groom her, and train her. I have had her now for 6 months, yet I do not feel a sense of closeness with her. She is not very affectionate, doesn't really make eye contact, doesn't like hugs. She whines when she wants something, I will do it, then she will whine again for something else. That's really about the extent of our relationship. That and stealing socks.

My question is, when do I start seeing something out of this? Perhaps 6 months is not long enough to establish any type of connection (again I don't know) but I feel like I should be feeling a sense of purpose with this dog. Why am I doing this? Spending thousands of dollars on food, vet, toys? Why am I sacrificing my floors, furniture, car? Don't get me wrong these are all just things that I would in a second trade for love, but I just feel like the love is not happening?

To make matters worse she is very possessive with things she finds on the ground. If I try and take something away from her she will bare teeth, growl, and even bite. Today she chewed through the fence while out in the yard and took off several houses down. I ran after her telling her to come home. She was completely defiant and started running in circles around me like it was a game. I finally managed to grab her by the collar at which point she became extremely aggressive, started biting me hard, growling, baring teeth, and just getting completely out of control. I have been extremely patient up until now, but today is the first day I feel like I want to give her away.

The only responses I get out of people is that she is still a puppy, and to give it time. Some people say even up to 2 years. Seriously? I don't understand how so many people have to patience to go through this. Goldens only live 12 years on average and the first 2 years is this? I am also extremely worried that I am waiting for something that's not going to happen. How do I know if she is just like this as a puppy or if this just how she is? There are so many times my husband and I look at each other in disbelief and wonder, is this really what it is to have a dog?

I want to clarify that this is not a matter of training. We have tried both positive and assertive training. Maya knows and understands what she is allowed and not allowed to do.

Please help me understand. Am I missing something? Doing something wrong?

Thank you.

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Based on 19 votes (9 yes)
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Comments ( 8 )
  • [Old Memory]
    9 years ago

    maya doesnt know because u dont know , roseisabella said it

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  • RoseIsabella
    9 years ago

    Cesar Milan!

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  • regisphilbin
    8 years ago

    time for the dog whisperer

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  • Thexoutcast
    9 years ago

    Because of the job I've had for over 2 years and my previous history with having dogs as pets, I have interacted with hundreds of (if not over a thousand) different dogs. They have varying personalities just like people, just not as complex. Some dogs are more independent and like their space. Some are incredibly affectionate and calm. Some are hyperactive and playful. Mine, for example, is playful and awkward, fairly affectionate, but also likes time to himself. So consider her personality.

    It sounds like she has no respect for you. When a dog respects u as the alpha, much of their destructive behavior disappears. You have to learn how to establish dominance. But don't assert too much aggression and don't use brute violence or else she'll just fear u. She is a puppy so that's where some of her behavior is coming from. But just like a human child, she'll grow out of some of it. The strongest bonds I've seen between people and their dogs seem to be a result of mutual respect and compatible personalities between the person and the dog.

    Also you've really only had cats up until this point. That could be a bit of an overwhelming transition. Maybe a dog isn't a good fit for you. Though I do believe that there are dogs with calmer personalities who could be perfect for you. I hope I helped in some way.

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    • Dasha
      9 years ago

      Thank you for your response. Maybe you are right and a dog is not a good fit for me. I HAVE taught her out of a lot of destructive behavior like destroying plants, not touching wires etc. I am wondering if because we let her out on her own in the backyard she thinks that's her space and she can do whatever she wants. I don't know how else to be more alpha. I have raised my voice, been firm, spanked her. I don't know if we have compatible personalities. She likes to run, go for walks, chew things, attention, and food. That's really all there is to her at this point. Do you think that maybe she is just not a very smart dog? Is it because she is young? Is there potential for her to develop into something deeper?

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      • Thexoutcast
        9 years ago

        There is potential for that but it may not be likely. I've seen many dogs that have limited personality. To be honest it sounds to me that u may never have a strong connection with this dog. I'd suggest giving her to another loving home with people who have had a history with dogs.

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  • donteatstuffoffthesidewalk
    9 years ago

    sounds like a breeder dawg

    fuck breeder dawgs git a rescue

    and make sure yalls dawg knows yallre boss cause it sounds like yalld dawgs boss to me

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  • CDmale4fem
    9 years ago

    From my times of having dogs, what is missing, it seems is the Alpha male role, when they snap or try to bite, Im sorry to say it like this, but knock the crap out of them a couple times to show that you and your husband are the Alpha in the house. You can yell at a dog only so much, and what are they hearing, remember the charlie brown where teacher says "wauh wauh" or whatever. They have to know if they run away from you they will get tied with a leash and only 6" of movement for all day, or half day. When you catch up to them, be sure to use newspaper or something to swat or spank them. Hands are for petting them. But yes, allow more time, puppies get excited when they can go someplace new.

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