Paranoid of texts/messages because of ex?

44% Normal

So I dated someone for a few months and we both thought it would be a long term relationship but things fell apart. We saw each other in person often, but we also spent a lot of time messaging which became a problem when we argued. This person had a talent for stressing me out, and it got to the point where reading their messages would make my stomach sick. Sometimes I would get a sudden fever for hours after receiving a particularly bad message from them and not be able to eat because my stomach was so bad. For months after that I would jump / flinch or get a stab of pain/sickness/nauseousness when I got a message from anyone, especially on my phone.

Fast forward in time, out of my own action we became friends again. Things were ok but for the first few messages I would still experience this illness while texting that person, even if I messaged them first and expected the reply. I stopped talking to them because the way we got along with each other was unhealthy, but we still follow each other on social media accounts. I blocked their posts from my wall on some accounts, but on others I still see them. At first I assume it doesnt affect me but sure enough, the next text I get after seeing a post from them is accompanied by a wave of physical pain and dread. IIN? Should I suck it up or eliminate them from my life?

Voting Results

44% Normal

Based on 34 votes (15 yes)

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Comments ( 9 )

DumBelle

9 years ago

This is fear and disdain for confrontation, which isn't as much about the person, as it is the negative and uncomfortable feelings you would like to avoid. This is normal, if you are easily triggered by stress (which causes your fear of unwanted reactions) you will be prone to feeling anxious and endure unpleasant physical reactions. It is related to anxiety, if you struggle with anxiety/panic/stress, any texts can become bothersome; even if you're aware the texts are not necessarily negative.

When you're in a tumultuous relationship, you retain memory of the past malicious texts that were sent back and forth -- you becoming sick/uncomfortable receiving any now -- you're subconsciously left feeling anxious, as you would refrain from confrontation and/or this "type" of person, usually, but have already engaged them. Even if it's meant as simply "friendship", you're in a sense rejecting this type of person, mentally, and your body is sending you red flags.

Definitely reassess if this person is important, valuable or conducive to your happiness and life, because if not, you should excommunicate and leave the situation (for your own good) and move on. The person has already caused mental stress and anxiety. You should take your emotional state as the major indication, "this person" is not good for you.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  Your insight is spot-on, thanks. I guess ill do everything I can to keep them out of my consciousnesses and daily life without completely closing off future communication (we do find use for each other sometimes)
  
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[Old Memory]

9 years ago

Pardon me for asking, but why the fuck do you still have this person in your life at all? I never understand these people who have a desire to communicate with their ex in any way whatsoever. I don't know where any of my ex's are in life, I have no idea what's going on in their lives because they are so far behind me that it doesn't even occur to me that they once exsisted to me. You need to get rid of this person who's making you feel ill via text or whatever it is you people communicate with now, and you need to do it fast. I understand that weird feeling of dread you get when waiting for a certain person to message you, and its unhealthy. Why should you stress over something so ridiculous and small? And why should you stress over something so small caused by someone who's not supposed to be in your life anymore anyway?

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  Lol.. I have a habit of getting attached to people and not giving up on them. In this case I think my fucks already flew away but I would feel bad shutting them out completely after all we did to repair the friendship. And we do help each other out on occasion. You're right, it's unnecessary
  
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mountain-man82

9 years ago

Just end it.

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TrustMeImLying

9 years ago

personally I'm pro for tough-love and 'sucking it up' especially cause it works for me, and I've learned that running away from problems that disturbed or sickened me only let them fester

but in your case I don't have enough info to advise the same. you didn't mention how long after you became friends again, because it could be you just haven't had enough time to get over the bad experience

don't force yourself to do anything. friends who invoke strong negative emotions are not friendworthy. give yourself a breather, maybe try getting in touch with them several months later if you still think they're worth it

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  Usually I'm the same way, but I'm getting tired of it now.
  
  We've been friends for two months, and it's not that they're so bad as much as it's just become a knee-jerk reaction. I mean, they are bad which is why I don't talk to them often but.. they don't do anything to make me feel this way other than existing
  
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  - TrustMeImLying
    
    9 years ago
    
    I just realized that it seems like this problem exists with texts. if yes, then since "eliminating them" and "sucking it up" are two extreme remedies, how about communicating any other way but texting? I had a friend a while ago who got tired of texting and preferred calling. that could be you
    
    my personal suggestion would still be phasing them out of your life, a sudden elimination might risk a volatile reaction from them. people who have a natural talent for stressing others out are not good friend-material
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      9 years ago
      
      Thanks for the advice. I think it would be unrealistic to try to stop texting, but it should be easy enough to "phase them out". And if I do the texting issue will be null and void
      
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Paranoid of texts/messages because of ex?