Ask Your Question today
Unless you know the people in real life, who cares if someone says something about you?
The only time it matters is if someone threatens you and can actually hurt you. Otherwise, I see it as whiny.
What do you all think?
| Meh, it depends. | 69 | |
| Troll them back. | 36 | |
| Yes, it's very serious. | 48 | |
| No, stop whining and ignore them. | 65 |
But online *is* real. People online are real, the things they say are real and their words are just as powerful. People online aren't fictional characters. Every word you see online has been typed out by a real human being. There is no relevant difference between the online world and the physical world.
But you can block people. I seriously DO NOT think this is as severe as bullying outdoors. I couldn't escape from the idiots at my school, but when they found me on the internet too I simply stopped to log in ...
Blocking them is the equivalent of running into the toilets at lunch, locking the doors and putting in your headphones so you can't hear anyone (which was my strategy of dealing with bullies). You can't hear them, but you know they are still out there saying the same horrible things about you. It doesn't take away the shame that makes bullying so awful.
I know that this is an old post, and I haven't seen much of you around in awhile, but I hope you haven't left.
The difference is the fact that people who sit behind a keyboard, anonymously, often from thousands of miles away, are going to be emboldened and say things that they'd never say if they lived in the same neighborhood, let alone to someone's face.
I do believe that difference is relevant. If someone's slapping your books from your arms in the hallway at school, it's much more threatening than some faceless, type-written attack online.
For the record, this isn't my post.
I'm kind of left. I'm not in love with this place anymore.
When you're facing bullying, you don't tend to rationally weigh up the dangers of the situation and decide how sad you should feel. The effect of bullying is to intimidate and frighten someone, and an intimidated and frightened person isn't going to think in those logical terms. A bullied person has that part of their awareness hijacked by their abuser/s; losing the ability to think clearly about it is one of the things that made bullying so terrible for me. Only recently, years later, have I come to think that I can finally look back on it and see it for what it was.
In my experience of being bullied, the most defining feeling was having no self-esteem. Bullying is an all-out attack on a person's self-esteem. You can deliver that sort of emotional pain online just as easily as you can face to face. The digital world is a massive part of growing up now. There is no line between the online world and the world of face to face. Hostile interactions online have the ability to totally ruin a kid's self-esteem.
I understand why you feel about this how you do, and I totally agree that the specific experiences are likely to be different. I just think that the pain they can cause isn't connected to a rational weighing-up of the risks.
I'm sorry to hear that you're leaving, though I completely understand why Dom.
I'm a victim of bullying myself, so I really do understand where you're coming from.
With girls it's, in some ways, more vicious, in others not so much. With boys, physical size comes into play. That can go both ways. Girls, however, tend to attack on a social and psychological level. I'm not sure that I've really overcome that, but it's made me who I am, and I'm not sure that I could have faced the issues that confronted me in the "real world" if I hadn't lived through that torment.
I interact on message boards all over. I'm always amazed at the simplest comments, or opinions, that bring out the worst in people. I read responses that I recoil at, and think, "there's no fucking way you'd look someone in the eye and say that." No human could read body language from another and beat them down like that, even without a threat of backlash. It's sickening.
Anyway Dom, trust me, you're smart enough, and able enough to fight through whatever life throws at you. You have a promising life ahead of you. Make the most of it, no matter what monsters you face.
Best wishes.
Well there is actually. Offline you can simply punch someone when they are bullying you. Which is probably how some of these cases might be dealt with if they were off the computer.
If it's like some of the piece of shit Highschool girls/boys that bully other students on Facebook or twitter, then I feel like that should be taken seriously. Some of these kids are brutal, they end up bullying a classmate so much to the point that student commits suicide or self harms.
Not only that it's just these immature people that post death threats or make comments that are offensive. It's just too much hating, just think before you post something online.
I'm quite happy sucking dicks and getting my dick sucked, Mr. Hero. Care to have a taste of my magical white fluid of happiness?
Okay then have it your way Mister Hero. I shall take my magically delicious fluids elsewhere. Mmmmmm. I love the smell of fresh baked bread in the morning. It's so wonderful when the soft, hot bread just melts in my mouth. Maybe I'll have jelly with it or some sunflower butter. The possibilities are endless, man.
Extremely serious among adolescents. They are at the age where we, as humans, need acceptance and a sense of belonging. It being reason for suicide seems futile for the ones who have outgrown it.
This.
Being an arsehole and victimising people, in person or online, it's just as real. The emotional and mental effects are just as valid and people who are affected by it shouldnt be treated like they're weak or pathetic.
I don't agree with this. The problem here isn't with people being mean on the internet, it's with adolescents seeking their acceptance and belonging on the internet in the first place.
Being one who was actually bullied in school and had very little friends, I will admit I have very little sympathy for these people. I can see, as the OP said, if there are threats and attacks involved, but the cyber-bullying phenomenon as a whole has gotten way out of hand. It almost seems to be treated more seriously than actual bullying by some people.
I'm wondering if there is something to be said about the way cyber bullying works though. It's different from regular bullying just because it's relentless. I mean, we aren't just talking about someone who gets picked on whilst at school..it's something that continues once they go home, through social media, phone texts, etc. I can see how that would psychologically effect a child that is already being bullied by the same people while at school.
I could see how the inability to escape from the people that are abusing you would make the situation even worse.
Yes.
Also, when people hide behind a keyboard, it's easy for them to lash out more harshly than one who was looking you in the eye.
There is a difference in choices between the two, and I'm surprised you don't think regular bullying is "relentless". If you are being cyber-bullied, you can literally just walk away. You have the choice of leaving Facebook, turning off your phone, etc. If someone is bullying you at school, you are required to return the next day and there is little to nothing you can do about it.
And there is absolutely no difference in psychological effect. Getting punched in the face and laughed at by other kids on a school bus (where I can't move), was not less psychologically damaging than if I got a hundred texts calling me names. Cyber-bullying can caused kids to kill themselves. Physical bullying can cause kids to shoot up schools.
Again, cyber-bullying becomes an issue when the kid feels he can't leave, which is similar to regular bullying. But the only reason they think they can't is because their lives revolve around it.
On a side note, I was told that the main reason for public schooling was so I could develop good social skills. I guess now it's just to get more Contacts.
I think the idea that it's"inescapable" is more to do with physically present bullying (verbal or physical in its nature) is able to be "escaped" when the victim goes home. Whereas cyber bullying is an extension of that and the child is now also harrassed in their hone. There is no "safe place" other than isolation - which is what telling them to just "turn the computer/phone/whatever" off.
And yes, both types of bullying are psychologically damaging. That's why it's a problem. To say one or the other is more damaging is ridiculous. There is no absolute.
The kids still go to school, so I would hesitate to equate turning a device off with "isolation". Turning off Facebook isn't the same as turning off your friends, and blacklisting is a better alternative to constantly reading everything everyone says about you until you get clinical depression.
And that idea of there being no options in the cyber-bullying situation is exactly where this problem comes from. There IS a safe place, it's just that no one goes there.
The only reason I'm not saying one or the other is more damaging is because I'm censoring myself.
I've often wondered how cyber bullying could possibly cause some teens to commit suicide. Are they particularly weak individuals, or could they have had serious mental problems before the bullying? Even if these are children one knows, why would someone allow their life to end because of a bunch of totally unimportant words or pictures? Everybody has had horribly embarrassing moments in their lives, haven't they? Don't we all survive?
Doesn't the saying, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me." hold as true today, as it has for the last several millennia?
Your knowledge of psychology and the mental and emotional condition of humans is unfathomable.
Do you maintain that this is the only generation in history that has ever been bullied? No, it's not my lack of knowledge of psychology, it's my incomprehension of how unstable and fragile these children are today? There's a fucking therapist available if some stupid child stubs a toe for christ's sake. Two cars full of fellow students die in a car crash one night, when I was in school and there were no shrinks, available or needed. There must be something more going on if a bit of internet hazing kills kids these days.
What's unfathomable to me is that as a 29 year old Aussie thinks she has a clue.
You're talking to a person who's *job* it is to work with kids. If you want to prove that you have a better idea than her about how young people's minds work, the facts are not on your side.
My developmental psychology was only a semester long and manyyears ago, I'm no expert, and I have not got the skills to work with at risk children...but I have a brain, common sense and the ability to read and use basic comprehension skills. And this silly little thing called compassion :P but fuck that shit, eh? EVERYONE SHOULD SHUT THE FUCK UP AND BOTTLE THAT SHIT DEEP INSIDE AND NEVER EVER SHOW WEAKNESS.
Cos we all know what good repression does ;)
But thanks for your comment, now I'm done with my sarcastic bitch.
Then she's personally a huge part of the problem. She and her ilk didn't exist several generations back, and look how much more psychologically strong the children were then. Nobody was offing themselves over a bit of bullying before her kind spread their poison.
Yeah, sure. Suicide is totally a thing of this generation.
I wasn't talking about normal every day life shit that we all need to deal with. I'm talking about people who maliciously attack others for their own personal gain.
And there has been plenty of evidence that the "suck it up, be tough, be a man" bullshit is psychologically damaging.
And I'll thank you to not blame me for a group of people whose thinking I do not share and have never shown any indication of sharing. I have never and never will advocate coddling. But I also refuse to ignore the fact that mental illness and psychological welfare are very real and very important.
Every generation whinges about how it was better in their day. The fact still remains that we make progress as well as mistakes, and just because you are callous and unkind, doesn't mean that showing any compassion is a weakpoint. Each generation faces different difficulties, and failure to acknowldge that different times have different needs is, quite frankly, fucking moroni and completely ignorant.
I can see were your coming from GS but you have to remember younger generations get more head fucked these day's. I mean when you were a teen porn was probably Rodox were as when I was a teen I was watching Gag Factor (in case your wondering go to porn hub search Gag Factor 8 scene 2 and fast forward to 11:20, it's Johny Thrusts best scene or worst depending on how you look at it).
Again, I agree completely. Porn to us was nudist mags; Playboy wasn't on the scene yet. Going to Asia was like a kid in a candy store.
So if younger generations get more head fucked these days, then why is that acceptable? We shouldn't need a law about internet bullying; we should build stronger children. There are always going to be a few who can't cope in any generation, but this seems like an epidemic. And I don't see a lot of rational thought going into a cure, just the same tired old Band Aids being applied.
Indeed the saying says that but you and I know that it is not always the truth. When internet became so popular you were already an adult and it was clear for you that internet isn't the real world but the children growing up now are growing up with the internet and it's part of their universe.
Scientists have found a simple way to stop cyber-bullying by turning off your computer and or not going on the internet and being a lil bitch.
I'm actually one of those who believes that there's been an overreaction to bullying. Being subjected to insults, teasing, even some hazing, is part of normal development. I honestly believe that we're robbing our children of potential growth by trying to suppress these experiences. These are the things that make us stronger.
That being said, the internet has brought a whole new level to it. People sit behind their keyboards with a newfound sense of invulnerability, empowering them to lash out in extreme forms. They can pretend to be anyone. A competitive girl can claim to be a boy with a crush, someone can pretend to be a serious friend, then share deep secrets online. Hell, people can even pretend to be sailors.
When you're not forced to face your subject, you lose the human element. In the process, you hurt people. You hurt them in ways you don't realize...because you don't see them hurt.
So teach kids about internet safety. Check what they're doing, give them a support structure. Words can only do so much and the kids should be emotionally strong enough to handle it.
I know that sounds harsh, but a simple talk to the kids goes a long way in most of these cases. I would even say the internet didn't bring a new level to it, it just changed the playing field. Lies and rumors have existed forever, and cyber-bullying relies very heavily on gullibility.
I guess what I'm saying is that kids should be taught to take the internet LESS seriously. Most of these situations should result in blacklists. If they insult you, block them. Rude text? Block them. They claim to be a friend or love you but you've never seen them before? Block them!
Education is always the best tactic, but it doesn't account for the kids who have already been hurt by it.
And really, it just doesn't get to some people. Adult bullies in the workplace also exist. And even if the adult target can handle it initially, it's the continued harrassment that wears it down.
Giving the victims strategies to deal with bullying is a positive thing, but dealing with the behaviour of the aggressor is what needsto continually be addressed.
Nothing accounts for people already hurt. All you can do is try and prevent it from happening to others.
Changing aggressive behavior is a lot harder than changing the behavior of the victim, especially on the internet. How do you propose that even happens? If simply guilting them worked, regular bullying wouldn't exist.
So you think victims of bullying should just be swept aside?
Yes, it is harder. Most negative behaviours are best treated by educating at a young age. Encouraging empathy and understanding. It's not a perfect method, there will still be those that do end up as bullies, but simply saying the victims have to deal with it and move on is ridiculous. Why punish the victim instead of trying to help the aggressor to make positive choices in the first place?
No one is punishing the victim, I simply said that there isn't anything that can be done for them. What, do you think they should be sent to a psychiatrist over Facebook disputes? The people who were already hurt in the past have no choice but to grow up and deal with it. That was in response to "it doesn't account for the kids who have already been hurt by it".
Encouraging empathy and understanding also doesn't work as well because the internet has a dehumanizing effect. It would be an easier solution to teach kids how to defend themselves on the internet.
If your kid has so fully lost touch with reality that some bullshit online makes them want to kill themselves they probably have some underlying mental issues that need to be addressed. Normal, emotionally stable people don't off themselves because of a mean twitter post.
Grow a pair, both the bully and the victim. A real bully would have the courage to say it to their face, and the victim should just ignore it or block them.
For me, I'd never let someone hurt me online. But today society is online, children come online to chatrooms, people say things and they take it seriously, like dom said it is still a human bullying another human.
I don't understand how they can let it affect them online but sadly they do :(
Not that many kids have actually killed themselves over cyber-bullying, and most of the ones that did had other problems going along with it.
One idea is to just put out a PSA glorifying the wonders of blacklists. Every social media site lets you block people, and you can do it on phones, too (add number as contact, blacklist contact).
The best way to handle it is to use at free publicity to get people to donate thousands of dollars to your kickstarter project.
I don't understand why anybody would be upset over something on the internet either.
I can get it if it is somebody they know, or if they are publically humiliated on the news or youtube.
But anybody who gets upset over somebodies opinion or insults on a message board has serious problems and definitely wont be able to deal with real life if they can't even deal with the internet.
In my state, they are SERIOUS about cyber bullying, they would arrest anyone who would cyber bully or bully anyone at all, even when you say ''kill yourself'' you can get in big trouble for that, even if it is a joke.