Platonic crushes
When I realized I am a lesbian I had a hard time with it because ive always had crushes on men and usually very intensive crushes and not being good with understanding the concept of attraction I assumed that was romantic love and desire but I realized it was not because I have never experienced a desire to sleep with men. I could fantasize about it as a teen because I never felt any other option in terms of sexual fantasies but once I started dating it was no longer appealing...
Funny thing is I accidently saw two women engaging in a sexual act on tv once as a young teen and it turned me on so much but lesbianism is nothing that has ever been talked about or felt like an option. All men ive had feelings for has been fictional, celebrities or unattainable in terms of us being a good match or age difference or other complicated obstacles. Any fitting man ive met ive found reasons to ditch so I wont have to be in a relationship with him, especially a sexual one.
Then I found the term "compulsory hetereosexuality" and it resonated fully with me. My crushes on men are platonic like a desire to be best friends and finding them aesthetically attractive, no desire for anything sexual though.
Ive heard of gay men having platonic crushes on women but ive never heard the opposite. When it comes to lesbians at best i've heard they realized they were lesbians one day and that anything that had to do with men for them was something they forced themselves into feeling. I've never forced any feelings towards men though only realized they were platonic, but still real.