Pray about my shit

Immediately after taking a dump, I wipe my butt and humble myself in prayer while kneeling before the toilet bowl.

I thank God for providing me a meal-turned-poop. Still on a thankful note, I praise him for granting me a successful digestive process.

I then shift the focus of my prayer to the poop itself. I ask God for forgiveness for having to abandon the poop to uncertain circumstances to come.

Then I'll wish all the bacteria accompanying my shit the best of luck and for God to always be with it wherever it ends up.

Finally, I bid my excrement as a whole an emotional farewell as I flush the toilet, at which point I tearfully shriek at the departing fecal matter, "It's sad, but shit has to move on!" God, I always lose myself into that final moment.