Running away from your health, iin? (please, read)

I don't know where to begin. Just writing about is making me sad.

I've a health condition that could be serious, it probably is. The current form it has been taking is somewhat recent but the first signs started a few years ago, after I became extremely sick.

I know something is seriously wrong. I've tried my best to get better on my own but, nothing I've done permenately works.

I've tried to deal with it like a lone wolf and in the process, I forgot about going to a doctor. I guess, a part of me was in denial and did this deliberately.

I wanted to believe that I could have a normal life as is but, I can't due to how and where my condition is presenting itself.

Yesterday, I discovered that my family is angry at me for not doing something about this. When I first started presenting signs, I went to a doctor who said that she had never seen anything like it. She told me to see a specialist, but my family never sent me to one.

I feel like I'm being blamed for my health issues all over again. I don't want to admit that I'm scared. I'm scared I won't be able to afford this and I'm terrified that the prognosis will be negative.

IIN? (Sorry about the length. Thanks.)