Shamefully crushing on someone else

58% Normal
12 Comments

I'm engaged and want to marry my fiance one day. However, I find myself crushing on my long distance friend. I'm ashamed for it because my parents taught me to stay loyal at all costs by staying together.

There's one problem with my fiance's and my relationship; and that is his side of the family is refusing him to see me without supervision. They're very controlling of where he is. What's worse is that he is in his 30s! We plan to move in together once we find a job. Until then, we're in a romeo and juliet type of relationship.

About my long distance friend, we had feelings for each other in the past. However, my mother told me to stay away from long distance relationships.

I don't want to act on my feelings because I'm all my fiance has, I just can't break his heart.

Voting Results
58% Normal
Based on 12 votes (7 yes)
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Comments ( 12 )
  • ellnell
    3 years ago

    That's not normal. I wouldn't date someone with a family like that and who didn't stand up to them. It's only going to get worse. And why do you let your parents decide whom you're gonna date. Sounds like you don't even love him you're just with him out of pity because he has no one else. Not gonna end well.

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    • Somenormie
      3 years ago

      In reality shouldn't it be OP's choices and responsibilities to choose to whom they marry?

      Because I think it should be their choices and them being held accountable.

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  • litelander8
    3 years ago

    So both of y’all live with yalls parents and don’t work....? Jesus.

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    • donteatstuffoffthesidewalk
      3 years ago

      jesus also lived with his parents and didnt work

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      • litelander8
        3 years ago

        And look how that worked out for him!

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  • olderdude-xx
    3 years ago

    Actually fairly normal. Choosing ones mate is often tough and it sounds like there are enough other distractions too.

    There is nothing wrong with remembering and fantasizing about old pleasurable partners. Much of humanity is poly to some degree (at least mentally). Acting on it is another thing.

    Chances are that your fiancee also at times thinks about others; and will understand.

    Really good relationships allow both parties to be able to discuss their past relationships and current fantasies and desires. At least 5% of the population allows a partner to do more than fantasize and have an open marriage (the ones with rules work; free for all's typically do not).

    I wish you the best with this,

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  • SwickDinging
    3 years ago

    This won't stop when you get married. His family will be a constant source of anguish in your marriage. I'm not saying don't marry him, but please go into it with your eyes wide open. You are marrying into this drama.

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  • SkullsNRoses
    3 years ago

    The biggest red flag here is your financé’s family controlling him when he’s over 30. Do you think that will stop when he gets married? Because it won’t.

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  • Somenormie
    3 years ago

    Overall I would say this is normal.

    So in the short terms shamefully having a crush on someone else can happen, it can happen to me, happen to perhaps anyone elsewhere.

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  • Jamie_Sulky
    3 years ago

    This is honestly worrying because I feel like this will be the case for me. I've been in relationships while in my heart I was still thinking of another person. I don't think this makes you a bad person, or at least hope not. Think about it in your heart, what would make you happier? is this just fantasizing bout the past or actual feelings that are still unresolved in your heart?

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  • RoseIsabella
    3 years ago

    Are you in the Western world? If you're not in some foriegn country where people are really conservative, overly religious then I think you had better be careful, honey. Do you want to have to deal with that guy's overly controlling parents meddling in your life, because if you marry him that's probably what will happen.

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  • my_life_my_way
    3 years ago

    Humans are not meant to be monogamous and any partner would cheat if they knew they could get away with it. May as well just fuck everyone you can.

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