Should i buy spouse stuff

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10 Comments

I got used to going without because I was quite poor for a while. Im very uptight when it comes to spending. Im able to now save around 30k to 40k a year from my job only because I live almost like I'm still poor. We spend more on christmas and get good food at the grocery store but theres been no car upgrades or no new home. No new ring for my wife. She's still wearing a fake ring from when we got married when we didnt have money to get her anything. Is it wrong that i am saving my money this much and not letting my wife level up? She stuck by me when we were broke and made more money than me for years. Now we are doing well but I have a phobia of spending money.

Voting Results
60% Normal
Based on 5 votes (3 yes)
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Comments ( 10 )
  • Lusty-Argonian
    1 year ago

    Thays something you'll have to talk to her about see where her priorities are and see how well you do or can align

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  • Curiouskitten444
    1 year ago

    She may have a sentimental attschment to the original ring but I'd say that an upgrade is in order.

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  • Tommythecaty
    1 year ago

    Talk to your spouse about it, not internet weirdys.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      1 year ago

      I have and she says she doesnt care.

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      • Tommythecaty
        1 year ago

        Well it’s up to you then ain’t it buddy.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          1 year ago

          Yes thats why I'm asking opinions...

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          • Tommythecaty
            1 year ago

            What do you think though.

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  • Grunewald
    1 year ago

    I agree with Kitten and Argonian. I think a proper ring might be a good idea but there are so many ways of going about that. For example, she might prefer an eternity ring.

    Also, she might be just as reluctant to spend more money as you are: what do I know? Conversations about money are hard and it can be difficult to keep your cool in the moment if you don't agree on something, but the consequences of not talking about money can be catastrophic.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      1 year ago

      She goes with whatever I decide to do for the most part. Im the only one working so she doesn't demand anything. She has made comments about how we are only gonna touch the money in retirement and I try to explain to her about how I intend to use the money to make money so in a few years we can have money making itself and I'll be able to spend more time off work and then we will spend money once its making itself. She isn't as ambitious shes just like "ok". Sometimes I worry that if something goes wrong and the money doesnt start making us money that I wasted my youth away working and subjecting my family to a mediocre life when we could have had more fun but then we'd be like everyone else when we are older.

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      • Grunewald
        1 year ago

        It sounds like you're trying to communicate. On the surface of things, if she says 'that's okay', it's on her BUT if she changes her mind later or doesn't like the outcome of your decisions, there'll likely be conflict, and that's not something you want - even if you're the one in the right.

        I sense that you feel the family finances are a large responsibility to shoulder in the face of your wife's passiveness. I don't know if I've sensed rightly, but if your communication lines are open enough and it's safe for you to be vulnerable with each other, maybe you could try saying something like this:

        'I'm making more money nowadays and I'm trying to help us manage it with you as best I can. I must say though, I'm not used to this and I'm not sure if I'm getting it right; I'm just trying. It feels like a big responsibility and I get anxious about the future sometimes, in case it all just doesn't work. When I ask what you think of my ideas you tend to say 'it's okay', but I'd really appreciate it if you could make more suggestions, because at the moment it feels like the decisions are all resting on me, and it's a lot of pressure. I mean, if I was making a mistake and you told me about it, imagine the trouble we'd save ourselves as opposed to just me ploughing us headlong into it. It's okay if you don't agree with something I say, and I know I won't agree with everything you say, but even if we disagree, at least we'll be collaborating meaningfully, right? I want to share this part of my life with you."

        If the problem is that she doesn't understand money stuff either, help her understand what you understand. Maybe say your budgeting thought processes out loud around her for a while, then over time ask her before you say it out loud yourself - just to get her to think. But if you see a problem with the things she suggests (and you will at first - she's got a learning curve ahead of her), be VERY careful about your feedback. At least commend her for her effort in trying to think of something. If getting meaningful reflection out of her is already as hard as getting blood out of a stone, she will likely be very sensitive to feeling 'shot down'.

        I write this as a teacher of English as a foreign language to adults who in most cases swore off English for life after school and need to be handled with kid gloves...

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