Should i have to make me gf feel better?

Perhaps it's a combination of both?

I mean its kinda both of your jobs for both of you. I yhink its safe to say both men and woman want to hear their partner finds them attractive or likes certain qualities about them etc. Even if we know it it feels good and provides a nice boost to us.

My bf isn't happy with his appearance and he puts himself down on occasion for it. I always remind him time to time that I support him and his goals but I also think he's hot right now so either way I'm happy so let's get you happy kind of thing. Idk he seems to appreciate it.

From what you are saying it sounds like this is a major problem. She may benefit from the sage advice of an older woman. That could be a relative, friend, colleague etc. Therapy could also work.

Is the problem that she doesn't feel attractive? Often this plagues young women because there is enormous pressure on them to be the most beautiful. I think this is something that can be hard for men to relate to - young women are told in thousands of different ways by many sources that the most important thing about them is how they look. Plenty of them will even receive this message from their own mother. She has to learn to cut through the shit. Yeah, being hot is great, but she is capable of more. Is she working towards a goal? Does she have qualifications, skills etc? If not, why not? She can do it. If she really wants something she should chase it and work her arse off to get it. That will be a great first step towards not focusing on her looks.

When I was a student on placement in a male dominated environment I was trying my best (and failing) to prove something but inside I was questioning everything and doubting myself. The small number of females above me in senior roles were a huge inspiration - even the one who initially seemed like a scary bitch to me. They knew exactly how to handle the sexist attitudes and deal with everything in a way that was amazing to me. They quietly held my hand through a lot of shit. I really looked up to them. All the advice and good examples I saw made me who I am today. This kind of experience can be invaluable for a young woman.

Ultimately this is on her. You could break up tomorrow and her problems are still her own. Your job is to help and be supportive, but you can't magic self esteem out of thin air.

This is a matter of "validation from others" vs "validation from self". Can you create your own self-esteem or do you require the constant approval from others?

There is no demographic whose validation comes more from others than teenage girls and young women. This problem could be rooted in hormones, culture, social nature, or whatever. Regardless of the reason, it's especially important for them to develop the sort of feedback loops for esteem that start and end with themselves, without requiring the input of others.

To do so, the girl has to become competent. Encourage her to pursue her goals, to achieve things, to develop skills, to be less helpless. To take on responsibilities. These are the things that build a person up from the inside. It's very hard for such a person to break down.

It can be a real drag when someone is so down on themselves, its draining. On one hand you feel bad and want to help, but its up to them really to love themselves before anyone can truly love them back without the hassle of that shit. Its important to look out for others but its just as, or more important to look out for yourself in a non selfish way, if that makes sense. You are really all you have in the long run so don't let others bring you down, whatever the reasons are.

Okay it's not his total responsibility for her low self-esteem but it is his job to support her emotionally and lift her spirits. He must be patient because something may have happened in her life that really hurt her.

It´s a combination of both. Hype her up, but you´re not her psychiatrist. If she feels like shit all the time, it´s mostly her part to do a change.

I agree with what bubsy and SwickDinging have said.

People who rely on others for validation are never going to be truly happy because there will always be the thought niggling away at the back of their mind that maybe the other person isn't being honest when they express approval. If someone is locked into an extremely negative view of themselves, they can end up disliking and distrusting those who say positive things about them.

We all want to feel needed and valued, but it's very difficult to like someone who doesn't like themselves.

Something else you might consider is that it's very common for there to be problems in a relationship when one person is unhappy about something and looking for emotional support, while the other person sees a problem that needs to be fixed.

Have a look at this:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/skills-healthy-relationships/201606/stop-trying-fix-things-just-listen

Both.

Actually you are held accountable so you choose to deal with your actions.

Its clearly your job to assist her in developing self confidence if you wish to remain her boyfriend. However, she does have to work on the process and make some improvement too...

I'm not sure how to draw the line on what is appropriate... too many variables that I don't know.

Some old classic books that may help:

How to Stop Worrying and Start Living: Dale Carnegie

Success Through A Positive Mental Attitude: Napoleon Hill & W. Clement Stone

I'm sure that there are many other books out there as well... All the modern ones I have seen appear to be based largely on these two "classic" books.

I wish you the best with this.

Tell her she’s a fat ugly bitch that deserves to be ass raped. It’s on her to know that she’s not.