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I saw the results of a study done in the United States where anywhere between 40-60% of people in committed relationships have cheated at least once
I hate the idea of my partner cheating. Should I just accept that regardless of who I'm with, there's about a 50/50 chance that they've cheated or will eventually cheat on me? It feels like the only choices are that or intentionally remain single
| Yes | 7 | |
| No | 16 |
If she walks and talks, you can be sure that at some point she's gonna be lying on her back, stark naked, with another man's cock in her cunt.
It's best not to accept it. Don't lower your standards over some study on the internet. A lot of those studies can be flawed or biased.
Cheating is so pointless. If a person agrees to a monogamous relationship, they should have enough of a moral compass to stay loyal. If they don't, they're not worth anything. If they wanted a poly relationship, they should find someone that agrees to that from the start instead of lying to their partner. XD
A lot of people who get into marriages or relationships - shouldn’t.
Many people need some serious personal work done before they enter a committed relationship, and some people just aren’t made for it at all. Nobody should be entering a /marriage/ when they are unsure of what they want, or believe that “after marriage, maybe then they’ll change”
I think many of the people who would make good, dedicated, partners are not as active in the dating field. Grounded and disciplined individuals who would make loyal and satisfied spouses are less likely to be energetically playing the field searching for a partner and bopping around the dating scene. I don’t believe they are fewer in numbers, I just believe they are not as visible.
Some people enjoy dating around, “variety”, entertaining new people, which I believe you can be happy with this lifestyle - I believe it is ideal for some personalities. Where the trouble comes in is when one of these people attempts to partner with someone who does not entertain that lifestyle at all.
Being honest about what you want is crucial. For you, personally, avoid dating people who say they don’t know what they want, or that they don’t think of marriage at all anyway. You can’t “convince” someone they want to live a certain life. You are not ‘picky’ for having hardlines about incredibly important life decisions like whether you want marriage, and whether you want children. Keep filtering
I think we trust until people give us a reason not to. Benefit of the doubt.
Sleeping around when you're in a relationship is normal. I don't understand how anyone can call that cheating.
To be fair when it comes to those graphics about divorce they often dont take out the people who have tried marriage 3+ times. That skews the number of successful marriages
“Statistics” conducted by survey are near worthless for several reasons.
One of which is that it doesnt exclude people who are prone to cheating and thus do it regularly, which skews the results in favor of the shitty behaviour being more prevalent when it's just a few people.
Someone who gets divorced 4+ times will sour the results for the percentage of marriages that last. As that person will quadruple the divorce rate vs the person who stays in a marriage which happens around 80% of the time.
True that.
Also a survey is polling just an incredibly small amount of people.
The most baffling one I have ever seen is when the media reels off stats of how many sexual assaults go unreported. Giving a percentage figure in unreported things is a mind numbing paradox.
No you should not just accept that - unless you and your partner make a conscious decision to open the marriage (and then adopt reasonable rules on how it works: "Free for all" open marriages with no rules don't last).
However, outside of survival situations (which are extremely rare and can be forgiven) most cheating can be prevented. There is however somewhere between 5-7% of the population that actually functions best if they have multiple partners (which is where a rule controlled open marriage can come into play - and its not cheating if its agreed upon and they follow the rules).
The question is why do people cheat, and how to prevent it.
1st step is to get the book: "The 5 Love Languages" by: Gary Chapman. Both you and your partner need to read it (I usually suggest getting 2 copies). Learn how to keep each other's "love tank" full and that eliminates about 80% of the reasons that people cheat.
The other 20% is because real sexual needs cannot be met by their partner, or the very rare survival situation and influenced by drugs so they don't understand or can control what they are doing.
The former issue of unmet sexual needs is best handled by agreeing to open the relationship (which is not cheating); and the rare survival situation or drugs affecting their ability to control themselves can be accepted as just rare events that are unlikely to occur again. Note people survive best if they pair up during a survival situation (and some survival situations can be very short). My wife and I agreed that each should do what is needed to best survive and come home someday in the best shape you can. Even children can be handled along with the fact that you may have another life long friend with benefits.
As for opening a relationship: I highly suggest the book: "More Than Two" by Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert. There are many real issues that have to be considered and each set of partners need to determine what rules on what issues works best for them.
So, if you do nothing it is an even chance that your partner will cheat on you or that you will cheat on them (you can fall too).
If you take proactive action to learn how to keep each other's love tank full, and possibly open the marriage if needed (and with rules) - then you can likely stave off cheating for your entire life.
Please note that my wife and I have a "you can aks" rule, and the answer is not an automatic no rule. If someone feels a need for sex with another outside of whatever is agreed to between the two of you. Please ask, let's talk about why. If there is a reasonable why then the answer will likely be "yes" although there will likely be rules about things related to STDs and pregnancy protection.
It's far better to deal with something openly (even if distasteful), than to have a lie generated. Lies destroy relationships. I've never heard of sex with a normal person hurting them. Please create conditions where you and your partner never feel the need to lie.
You should also watch this 21.5 minute TED talk to open your eyes on different aspects of the issue: Rethinking infidelity... a talk for anyone who has ever loved; by Esther Perel
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P2AUat93a8Q
I wish you well with this,