Should my cousin go to the police? (r word trigger warning)

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Is it common for someone to have sex with another person when they have passed out? My cousin was out with friends drinking in a bar and then a nightclub. Near the end of the night my cousin was approached by someone who they sort of knew but had never spoken before, friend of a friend type thing. So they went home to my cousins place. Got naked in bed and started foreplay. Some time later my cousin woke up with the friend of a friend ontop having unprotected sex. Is this 100% rape? Should my 23 year old cousin go to the police?

Voting Results

40% Normal

Based on 42 votes (17 yes)

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Comments ( 67 )

techpc

2 years ago | pl

Yes that is rape. Police 100%.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  2 years ago
  
  While it is so difficult for women to report rape i think for my cousin, as a male , it may be even more so . In the society that we live in he may have felt that he would be laughed at.
  
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sillygirl77

2 years ago

Police called and go to gyno. I'm NOT sure if a rape kit could still be used but at the least she can tested for STDs.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  2 years ago
  
  Im sorry i didn't say that the rape victim was female, i need to go back and look but i dont think so . The rape victim was male.
  
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RoseIsabella

2 years ago

Yes, that's rape.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  2 years ago
  
  Thats what i believe. But my cousin didnt go to the police. I guess its too late now.
  
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  - RoseIsabella
    
    2 years ago
    
    I dunno, call the cops, and ask them.
    
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jrbsportz

2 years ago

First thing is the guy is and fucking idiot and should do some jail time!!! Second both consent to have oral sex.thrid thing when she pass out he should have stop to check on her but instead he force him self on her with out her consent that's (rape) and he should be punished!!! Just saying

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  2 years ago
  
  I agree totally but i forgot to mention that my cousin is a man. I overlooked this is because it shouldn't matter. Do you still feel as passionate about a woman doing this to a man?
  
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  - jrbsportz
    
    2 years ago
    
    No means no!! Even If situation is a man or woman no consent between two people and they force themselves on another person they needs their asses whoop!! I don't hit women for any reason I'm protector, but she do needs to go to jail!! Just saying
    
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1234tellmethatyoulovememore

2 years ago

Yes, it's illegal. Go to the police.

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S0UNDS_WEIRD

2 years ago

Yes. It's considered rape to rape people.

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miss_jass06

2 years ago

This was rape, she should report it. Did she consent to penetrative sex? Did she consent to not using protection? Also, why did she pass out? Is it possible someone (perhaps this guy) added something to her drink? Anyway, you gotta be sick to have sex with someone who's unconscious - this is not normal.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  2 years ago
  
  Actually He was very drunk and tired . I dont think She spiked his drink. Yeah, my cousin is a man and it was a woman who mounted his erect penis and had unprotected sex with him. This happens but no-one talks about it. A sign of the times, things only change for one sex.
  
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a-curious-bunny

2 years ago

Definitely rape.

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1WeirdGuy

2 years ago

I wouldnt go to the police but yes thats definitely rape.

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- KholatKhult
  
  2 years ago
  
  If it’s definitely rape why wouldn’t OP go to the police ?
  
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  - charli.m
    
    2 years ago | pl
    
    Because he doesn't think women should ruin men's life over something they can just "stop thinking about" and be fine, even nostalgic about.
    
    Please sentence him to the gulag now.
    
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    - KholatKhult
      
      2 years ago
      
      I figured as much, just wanted to see if he would be able to type it out without realizing how fucked and insane he sounds
      
      Gulag it is !!
      
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      - charli.m
        
        2 years ago
        
        Woohoo!
        
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    - LloydAsher
      
      2 years ago
      
      It's called prison. Perhaps in your fantasy we have gulags.
      
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      - charli.m
        
        2 years ago
        
        Congrats, you don't understand shit again.
        
        This user is Russian. He frequently makes this sort of half joke.
        
        Keep the fuck up, "light yellow", you fucking genius.
        
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  - Anonymous Post Author
    
    2 years ago
    
    My cousin is a man, thats why. A woman raped him without even using a condom. This is definately rape but what would the police say. Mens rights havnt changed.....
    PS the woman simply toke the morning after pill the next day. She wasnt using protection.
    
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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  2 years ago
  
  It could happen to someone close to you/sibling/paerent or child.......
  
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  - 1WeirdGuy
    
    2 years ago
    
    Without sounding too dramatic something went down in my childhood and I just swept it under the rug and never revisit in my brain. I could have went to the police but then you gotta answer a million questions about it, everyone finds out, then at the end of the day they very well may say "sorry theres just no physical evidence its your word against his".
    
    Then in her case the whole circle of friends find out. Some people will feel really bad for her and half wont believe her (because she gave him oral sex already as you said) and think shes lying and being dramatic and trying to destroy the dudes life (he will go to prison for a long time if convicted). He will almost surely have a story that contradicts it "it was consensual we were both drunk. People saw us making out and she admits to giving me head! Idk what shes talking about rape I didnt rape her." Just too much to deal with for ME. Idc what she does. Theres gonna be fallout around the decision. If shes ok with possibly sending this guy to prison for decades and is ok with all the drama and court dates to follow go ahead.
    
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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  2 years ago
  
  My cousin is a Man a Girl raped him. He thought the police would laugh, particularly because the female rapist was beautiful.
  
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  - 1WeirdGuy
    
    2 years ago
    
    I passed out drunk at a party one time and my friends told me some chic stuck her hands down my pants. I wouldnt even think about going to police because if they do anything you're talking about prison time and sex registry I didnt find it to be as big of a deal as the punishment.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      2 years ago
      
      But what if next time the sick, perverted bitch rapes some poor guy? You should have reported this psycho and asked ahe not be charged. Then if she does it again, which she probably wouldn't because of you reporting her, she'd do hard time like the sick men who do these terrible crimes.
      
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      - 1WeirdGuy
        
        2 years ago
        
        This was back in 2006 I just didn't want to make that big of a deal out of it. I never even thought of it as rape and I never actually cared. My first thought was wtf when they told me but that was it. Times have changed. We were all minors at the time and it didn't seem like that big of a deal.
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        2 years ago
        
        Surely statutory rape is just as bad or worse.
        
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Elroy7141

2 years ago

Sounds like she consented then changed her mind after sobering up a bit

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- RoyyRogers
  
  2 years ago
  
  If one consents to sex and passouts half way through, the minute they pass out, they are no longer aware enough to continue or consent. Secondly, generally speaking fucking a drunk girl is considered rape in most cases anyways so...
  
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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  2 years ago
  
  Surly one cannot give consent while asleep or unconcious. I hear this time and time again in such cases.There was no discussion as to how far things would go. My cousin had started giving oral sex then woke up and the friend of a friend was having unprotected sex on top.
  
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  - Elroy7141
    
    2 years ago
    
    I’d say your cousin giving someone head is like giving consent
    
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    - 12345678912
      
      2 years ago
      
      You are sick. No judge,or reasonable person, in the first world would have that opinion. Hope girls are careful around you. Where you from Mississippi 1890?
      
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      - 1WeirdGuy
        
        2 years ago
        
        First world people usually dont have to insult others because of an opinion they dont like. You'd think freedom of speech would have evolved us enough to have civilized discord.
        
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    - 1WeirdGuy
      
      2 years ago
      
      Im not saying that it isnt rape but the fact that her cousin gave him head first is a key factor here that shouldnt be looked over. She should have included that info in the post...
      
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      - Anonymous Post Author
        
        2 years ago
        
        My cousin is a Man a Girl raped him.
        
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      - 12345678912
        
        2 years ago
        
        Have you followed any rape cases? The fact that oral happened first does not give anyone the right to engange in any sexual act while asleep as Consent cannot be given in that state. Look up some cases. Im talking about this century in the first world. Thats why men have to be super careful these days.
        
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        1WeirdGuy
        
        2 years ago
        
        No I understand how it works but that is an important fact that she gave him a blowjob first. That's like saying someone punched you in the face but not mentioning you punched them first.
        
        Technically yes its rape but possibly was a misunderstanding. I think it was one of those things he assumed consent because she gave him head or something idk. Its technically rape yes but doesnt sound near as bad as what I first read. I thought they just kind of cuddled then she woke up with him inside her.
        
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    - Tinybird
      
      2 years ago
      
      but what if she doesn't want to get pregnant?
      
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  - RoyyRogers
    
    2 years ago
    
    Yes no one can consent while passed out.
    
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[Old Memory]

2 years ago

No.

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- RoseIsabella
  
  2 years ago
  
  Why not?!
  
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Orphan

1 year ago

Totally go to the police. What, he's trying to give her aids or something?

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John671671

2 years ago

Can sucking a guys dick be taken as consent? When I’m licking a ladies pussy and she’s moaning and getting wet it always seemed like consent.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  2 years ago
  
  Dick sucking wasnt mentioned. The rape victim, my cousin, is a man. A girl raped him.
  
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darefu

2 years ago

I agree don't worry about the down votes. You may get more people to read your comments.

I know for me if a comment is hidden I want to read it even more, just to see what was said that was so offensive.

Some people just down vote any and every comment they disagree with, rather than take the time to voice their own opinion or accept the fact that people have and are allowed to have different opinions.

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1234tellmethatyoulovememore

2 years ago

Wait were they having sex next to him or with his body while he was passed out?

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darefu

2 years ago

If your in the USA we will soon find out, because there is a case most likely headed to the SCOTUS.

"The Minnesota Supreme Court ruled that a person can’t be found guilty of sexually assaulting someone, who is mentally incapacitated due to intoxication, if that person became intoxicated by voluntarily ingesting drugs or alcohol."

So numbers guy, there is a judge or numerous judges that saw the other side.

For all those that think this is so open and shut, the key here seems to be if the person voluntary consumed alcohol or drugs then they voluntary accepted the effects and consequences of intoxication.

I'm not saying it's right just the argument has some meat to it. Enough that a State Supreme Court said no, not rape or sexual assault.

Personally I know I've done, said, and agreed to things I would not have if I had not been intoxicated. Sometimes I don't remember agreeing to it such as bungie jumping but I did and it's on tape.

Hard topic but not so carved out in stone. I would recommend your cousin reacess her drinking and take a friend that won't let her get too intoxicated or will take care of (protect) her if she does.

By the way, if she wasn't falling down drunk, how did it get from foreplay to him on top having sex, with out her knowing.

If your intoxicated enough to sleep through that. then you're intoxicated enough to do things you don't remember.

Police here would maybe take a report and check records for any previous complaints. That's the only reason I would encourage the police involvement. If he preys on drunk girls it will show.

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- Boojum
  
  2 years ago
  
  That's an interesting ruling by the Minnesota Supreme Court.
  
  By that logic, if you go out, flash a wad of cash around in the wrong sort of bar, get so completely shit-faced that you pass out and wake up to find all your money gone, then the person who took the cash from your pocket isn't guilty of theft.
  
  And if you get bombed out of your mind, start mouthing off to a bunch of biker-types who any sane, sober person could easily see were spoiling for a fight and they kick the shit out of you, they aren't guilty of assault.
  
  I suspect the Minnesota Supreme Court has justices who have done sexual things with incapacitated women without their consent as well as justices who have a very Puritanical view of sex.
  
  If it does get to SCOTUS, I wonder how Kavanaugh and Thomas will go? 🙄
  
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  - 12345678912
    
    2 years ago
    
    Well said Boojum. I was starting to believe maybe darefu was right. Now i know how so many rape victims doubt themselves with this type of mentality still around 🙁.
    
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- 12345678912
  
  2 years ago
  
  I cant be bothered looking up cases but i see cases on the news the last few years on news programs mainly U.S , Australia and U.K. where there is uproar when a male defendant uses the reason for being innocent of rape because he only engaged in intercourse because oral or manual sex had already occurred. What i am seeing is men in these cases are usually found guilty. I am talking last 10 or so years, times certainty have changed dramatically. If i was a man i would be very careful having sex with anyone unless i totally trusted them . This is how it should be too many people (mainly women) have suffered through time.
  
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  - darefu
    
    2 years ago
    
    I'm not sure what you're trying to say here, but if you're implying that guys think just because sex started in someway they are entitled to intercourse;
    then you're right 'No' can be said at any point and it should mean NO ! You're guilty if you go beyond.
    
    The problem is sex is (not normally) a spectator sport. It becomes he said, she said.
    This gets even more problematic when alcohol or drugs are voluntary involved. Neither may actually remember the true events. How can there not be reasonable doubt. I'm not talking where there is physical evidence of harm or force.
    
    Is it time for head cam ! (pun intended)
    
    I really think we need to relook at all laws that seem to favor one gender over another.
    Guys can rape guys, girls can rape girls (I'm all in), or either gender can rape the other.
    
    Take the victim and accused out of the court room, eliminate the lawyer's use of gender pronouns. Make the cases be decided on merits.
    
    This would work on divorce, sexuall harassment, even racial cases.
    
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- Vvaas
  
  2 years ago
  
  by that logic i can go out and murder and cannibalise someone. oh but i wouldn't be guilty though, if that person was voluntarily intoxicated ;) if one type of assault is okay then the others are okay too. you can't pick and choose.
  
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  - darefu
    
    2 years ago
    
    Disagree, I think murder or cannibalism would be considered force under the influence or not.
    Not a normal activity one could reasonably foresee or normally may or did consent to.
    
    Even under their ruling if the person had any physical signs of force or harm it would have been considered rape or at least assault.
    
    I think missing a head or arm because someone ate it, would be a sign of harm if not force...
    
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- RoyyRogers
  
  2 years ago
  
  So by Minnesota does that mean forcing or pressuring someone to drink is still rape than?
  
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  - darefu
    
    2 years ago
    
    I would think forcing would fall under the category of unknowingly/unwillingly.
    
    Not sure about pressure that's like saying everybody else was, so I jumped off the bridge too.
    I guess it depends on the type and degree of pressure. Cutting your fingers off until you drink could be considered pressured but I'd put that more in forced category.
    
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olderdude-xx

2 years ago

If the story is true: That's rape; and I suggest going to the police in the western countries.

It will go nowhere in Eastern Europe though, and will not likely be considered actual rape in those counties. As my wife says the common saying in Eastern Europe is that a woman has already given permission if they decide to get drunk with a man or men...

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  2 years ago
  
  This happened in a modern , wealthy , forward thinking country
  
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- olderdude-xx
  
  2 years ago
  
  For those who downvoted me: My wife is from Eastern Europe.
  
  You may not like what she describes... But, I believe it to be the truth based on many things that are viewed differently over there than from here in the USA.
  
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  - 12345678912
    
    2 years ago
    
    I believe you 100 percent. I guess most on here don't have much experience with people or places different from where they are from. Im a first worlder but have alot of experience with other cultures and many many are so far behind in such matters its hard to believe until you have contact with it. Unfortunately Eastern Europe countries would be considered to be enlightened compared to other places around the world. Don't worry about the down votes you're speaking the truth it doesn't mean you agree with their beliefs. Stay cool , peace and love to you.
    
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Boojum

2 years ago

We're getting this story second-hand. You (I assume) only know what your cousin has decided to tell you. And it sounds like her brain wasn't exactly functioning at 100% that evening.

So there are a helluva lot of uncertainties here.

If your cousin is absolutely certain she at no point made it explicitly clear to the guy that she wanted to have penetrative sex and that she didn't care if he used a condom or not, then I consider what happened rape.

I also have to wonder why she dozed off in the middle of messing around and why she was sleeping so soundly that she only woke up when the guy was already in her. Maybe she'd just had a long day, she's one of those people who falls deeply asleep at the drop of a hat or that's how she reacts to drinking too much. But it does make me wonder if the guy had slipped her a drug of some sort at some point.

Any guy who decides to penetrate a sleeping woman rather than gently waking her up first is, at the very least, a bit of a dickhead, and some dickheads use date-rape drugs.

Whether or not what you describe would be considered rape by the legal system where your cousin lives obviously depends on the law there. Even if your understanding of what happened is indeed exactly what happened and even if that is considered rape where your cousin lives, there's no guarantee that the police and prosecuting authorities would do anything about it because it's a he-says, she-says situation, and that reduces the chances that a trial would lead to conviction.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  2 years ago
  
  It was a Friday night after a hard weeks work . My cousin wasn't falling down drunk and remembers everything even physical details and smells.
  
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Are You Normal?

Should my cousin go to the police? (r word trigger warning)