Taking comfort in fat acceptance/fetishism when not fat?

I’m in my mid twenties and I am not and never have been most people’s definition of “fat”. However like all of us I was raised on the idea that thinner is better, I wanted my bones to be visible and glorified hardness in the body. Although I had no plans to get it myself I became fascinated with mastectomies (breast removal surgery) and how they remove excess softness. Although I am not overweight the fleshier parts of my body still bother me, I catch myself wishing my ribs and hipbones were
more prominent then mentally “talk myself down”. I’m sure at least some women reading will relate to this.

I first discovered by fat fetishism by accident on Tumblr was strangely intrigued. I’m not personally attracted to fat people, but it was the idea that excess fat could be seen as aesthetically pleasing that fascinated me and I read some free erotica featuring it. The idea that instead of sucking in their stomach someone could just allow a partner to gently stoke and jiggle it. It was a level of vulnerability and acceptance that was alien to me.

When I looked in the mirror last night I didn’t suck my stomach in or squirm away from the softer parts of my body, I gently rubbed my belly and other squishier areas. Not to judge their size or imagine them absent or harder, just to feel the sensation of them.

It was like letting go of tension I didn’t realise was there. I’d never thought to just enjoy the feeling of my flesh in my hands.

Has anyone else used fat fetish media to help them resist society’s relentless pressure to glorify a skeletal physique? I feel almost like I’ve “miss used” it.