Telling someone im asexual advice please

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I just started dating a man who is autistic like me. I noticed him masking at one point due to sensory overload and now hes asked me out again. He suggested to hang out at his place or somewhere not full of people due to being sensitive to sensory input. I felt worried about the suggesting of going to his place. Im concerned if that is code for sex like it is with neurotypicals and means he wants it very soon. I am used to dating neurotypicals though I havee 3 guy friends with autism and in my experience overall autistic people are more respectful of boundries, but thats a guess from what I have experienced so far.
I have never told anyone im asexual and it has caused a lot of problems because guys have assumed im not into them and thought I was stringing them along. I dont want to scare anyone off because many people dont know what asexuality means. I am not comfortable to bring up sex from nowhere but I need him to understand since clearly he likes me and i've noticed autistic people are usually either hypersexual or somewhere on the asexual spectrum.. From meeting him once I would guess he isn't exactly hypersexual but you never know, and maybe him being so sensitive to input means he's sensitive to physical touch the same but i'd have to ask him. In most cases me not being compatible with someone has been having different sexual needs and that is another reason why i've been wanting to a date a fellow autistic person for a long time but haven't one until now, though it's mostly a stereotype that autistic people are asexual but at the same time it's been proven that a lot of asexual people are autistic so it is somewhat common still but nothing one should take for granted.

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Comments ( 3 )
  • litelander8
    1 year ago

    I like what Skulls said.

    I would say something like “I’d be happy to come over but I hope you don’t plan on getting fresh with me as that is not a priority in a relationship for me.” Maybe toss in some silly emoticons or something.

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    • ospry
      1 year ago

      That's good advice. I'd be a little cautious about the use of emojis or emoticons. They can sometimes come off as condescending or patronizing

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  • SkullsNRoses
    1 year ago

    You’re right, a man inviting a woman over to his house is normally code for sexual activity. When it comes to dating as an asexual I believe that early honesty is the best policy, if the two of you are incompatible it’s better to find that out before getting to attached.

    How about saying something like, “I really enjoyed our date and would like to see you again, however before we take this any further you should know that I’m asexual...” and then say something about how far you are willing to go with a partner and your timelines for that.

    It’s worth noting that for the vast majority of allosexual people a relationship without sex is a deal breaker so steel yourself for that before sending the message. Remember there are other people out there if this man isn’t for you.

    Good luck.

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