The pedophile problem

I am the proud mother of a beautiful 5-year-old girl. However, there have recently been some incidents which bother me tremendously as a parent. Allow me to explain.

A few weeks ago my daughter and I were at the park and I was sitting on a bench reading while she was on a swing just a bit out of my line of view. Finally, I looked up to see her standing at another bench, speaking to some strange man who was sitting there. I immediately stormed over, snatched her up, and carried her away. As we were leaving, I asked her what that man said to her. I was horrified to hear that he said disgusting, perverted things like "Hi" and "How ya doin', kiddo?"
I was in a state of pure shock. It's obvious that this man fully intended on putting his cock in my daughter's mouth.

But it doesn't end there.

A short time after that we were at the market and as we walked down the aisles, I watched in horror as another adult male looked at my daughter, smiled, and gave a slight nod. I nearly shit in my pants right there.

But as bad as all this is, I never expected these perverts to be in my own family! Just last weekend we were at a family function and my daughter, as always, immediately ran over to her beloved Uncle Richie. She embraced him, and I then watched as he placed his hand on her head, smiled, and said - AND I FUCKING QUOTE - "Hey, hon, you want some pie?"
We can assume that "pie" is pedophile slang for anal sex followed by facial ejaculation. I totally lost my marbles right there and attacked him with the microwave. Then I threw him down the basement steps. Maybe he's learned his lesson now.

I'm just at the end of my rope and I need some reassurance. What are your thoughts on this? What the hell is wrong with men these days? All said and done, I suppose I'm just asking if it's normal for them to behave in such a disgusting manner.

- A concerned mom

Voting Results
46% Normal
Based on 162 votes (74 yes)
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Comments ( 104 )
  • Shackleford96

    Hahaha XD

    I just love the seriousness of this post.

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    • Hollolly

      Same :)

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    • diaperwolf21

      It goes to show people who are stupid and all around dumb will believe anything posted on the Internet as real.

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    • anti-hero

      Me too.

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  • wigsplitz

    I know, right? At least in the good ol' days you'd get free candy and a fun van ride, there was some romancing involved. Now they just cut right to the chase. Chivalry IS dead.

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    • disfunkshinal

      I don't know what's funnier— the post or the comments.

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  • KeddersPrincess

    Are people actually taking this post seriously?

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    • Devyn

      The serious problem is not rampant paedophilia (the condition is actually very rare, and I imagine that most of those who have it don't actually act on it), but rather that there are some people who think the way the OP pretends to think. Ridiculously adult males are no longer trusted around children.

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    • ohplease

      Yes, sick bastards saying hello to outgoing children is a serious problem.

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      • KeddersPrincess

        Are you being serious?

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        • Justsomejerk

          Why wouldn't they be? This is serious.

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          • dirtybirdy

            Yahoo Serious?

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        • ohplease

          Super cereal

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  • kelili

    This is hilarious! Tell your daughter that my 65year old dad says hello to her;)

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  • BurnaBaby27

    Oh my! This is probably the only post on here that has genuinely made me chuckle out loud. Wonderful.

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    • 1000yrVampireKing

      From the women who believes in burning babies.

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      • BurnaBaby27

        Heheheeee, that made me chuckle as well :D

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    • Chiplol

      ahahahahahah xD

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  • Would be funny...If this type of thing didn't happen and if guys actually weren't seen as a pedophile just for talking to a child.

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    • Chiplol

      I thing that to . I don't get it her uncle ask if she want some pie and you just start to beat him without talk to him????? are you cereal?ah xD may be he really wanted to give her a pie( FOOD ) -.-

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  • diaperwolf21

    You're paranoid. Take a serious sedative! Please!

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    • disfunkshinal

      I like you but, trolled.

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      • diaperwolf21

        I said tat because.i knew it was a troll

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        • disfunkshinal

          Lol. I thought you were serious. Still funniest story I have yet to read on here.

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  • EccentricWeird

    True, you have a goddamn sick mind.

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  • Troll.

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    • anti-hero

      You think?

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      • No I'm joking, it's very serious, and so am I, but why aren't you?

        It might not be a troll anyway, it could just be an American hahaha.

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        • anti-hero

          Most likely is an American. I mean it is a clever troll job. No was an Aussie could do that... well maybe Charli.m she is pretty clever.

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          • charli.m

            :-S

            It wasn't me.

            I'm not sure if you're taking the piss or not...meh. Haha.

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            • anti-hero

              No offense, just calling you my favorite Aussie and messing with Tommy. No worries :)

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          • It could be a troll OR an American.

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            • anti-hero

              Don't mess with my jokes.

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        • diaperwolf21

          This post really is a troll. Idiot!

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          • What's the first comment I made on this post, scroll up and have a look you fucking spastic.
            Maybe you should read things before typing.

            "It could be a troll OR an American."

            It's a very simple joke that you failed to get you flaming tard!!!!!!!!!!

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  • CraneyCrow

    A lot of people today see pedophilia everywhere, whether it's there or not. And it's not just parents -- police, school officials and district attorneys often misinterpret perfectly innocent interactions between adults and children as sexual because that's what they're looking for and you usually find what you're looking for (again, whether it's there or not). This is the reason that so many innocent men (and some women) have been falsely charged and convicted of sexual misconduct with children.

    One of the cases that comes to mind is that of Tonya Craft, Georgia kindergarten schoolteacher, who was falsely accused of molesting her own daughter and two other young girls. Thank God, she had a good lawyer, the jury in was able to see past all the BS and she was acquitted. But most juries aren't that smart and most lawyers aren't that good. You'd be shocked at the number of men and women there are in prison who have been falsely accused of child molestation and unless their accusers recant their accusations when they get older (as many do), most of them will spend the remainder of their lives there!

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    • sYki

      You said it. Where you look you'll find.

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  • richardbturgid

    That was a masterpiece of satire! Well written :)

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  • disfunkshinal

    Hon want some pie? I can't stop laughing!

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  • dodongos

    This is fucking gold.
    I approve!! :D

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  • The stories this user creates are so funny. Your trolling abilities know no boundaries.

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  • Genabeaver

    This is the best fake post yet OMG

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  • Avant-Garde

    First off, just a person is a man doesn't mean that that man is a child molester. I think you're are overacting and being paranoid. It's your job as a parent to teach your kids not to talk to strangers. There's a chance that the man in the park wasn't a pedophile and a chance that he was. Your kid walking over to any stranger male or female, there is the risk that it will get kidnapped. Oh, wait.... I must've blanked out the part about causing bodily harm to her uncle (Your brother?). That is completely out of line! You could've killed him!

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    • Wow, how the hell did I miss this post? Weird.

      Now as I've already stated, it's a joke. I thought that was clear enough. Indeed, that anyone could take it seriously is honestly rather hard to believe.

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  • troll. get a life OP

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  • AbnormallyAwesome

    What's your daughters name? Where do you live? When do you go to work?

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    • My girl's name is Madison and we live in Haverhill, Massachusetts. I work 9 to 5, Tuesday through Saturday.

      Why do you ask?

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      • AbnormallyAwesome

        Just out of curiosity.
        There's no reason to be worried. Or to change your time schedule.

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      • PuppyPower

        Hey true.

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        • diaperwolf21

          Spoil the surprise! Why don't you!?

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      • diaperwolf21

        You fell for the oldest trick in the book stupid Bitch!!!

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      • 1000yrVampireKing

        Are you lying or are you honestly that stupid? God your dumb mom.

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  • PlzDntUseSmthngRecgnizble

    LOLLLLLLL.
    Even though this person is obviously trolling, they have a point.. There's so many weirdos in the world today, so many killers.. It's like you have to look at EVERYONE as if they're going to be "the one". It's sad but very true.

    Even those who are seemingly wonderful people; philantrophists, active in their communities and have wonderful social skills can be some crazy f--k who hides bodies in his crawlspace. >_____>

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  • Legion

    to everyone who took this post seriously,

    wow, you guys missed the point completley.

    THIS IS SATIRE! a joke, not to be taken seriously!
    its sad that there are people who seriously overreact like this when an adult male says hi or some other innocent comment.

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    • Thank you.

      Really, it's just as much social commentary as it is humor. Actually more so, I think.

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      • jeremybrown50k

        I knew you are a lady, whyd you say you are a guy on the chat? btw you could introduce me to your beautiful daughter...

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  • NormalIsOverratedBeANinja

    Oh god yes, finally someone understands!! My daughter is ALWAYS being approached by creepy pedophiles who clearly want nothing more than to put a dick in her! They even dare to say such perverted things as *shudders* "HELLO." People always tell me I'm overreacting, but it's clear they only say that because they likely want sexual relations with my daughter themselves...I've made sure to keep myself and my daughter away from those people ever since! Good luck in keeping your daughter away from such awful and perverted people in the future. It seems the male population is composed of nothing but pedophilic maniacs!!

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  • DutchGirl

    This was gold... made me laugh out loud!

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  • bristexai

    If I ever have twin daughters, I'll name them Lenore and Ashley. This is related to the post.

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  • loopoo

    Trolo lo lo lo lo lo loooooo

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  • manii92

    Your so paranoid it's crazy.. Where did you get anal sex from "hey hon, do you want some pie?...

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  • disthing

    I voted Yes.

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  • BlueJeansWhiteShirt

    Good post! Gave me a few giggles.

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  • Mraaronbill

    Ha your amazing , keep up the writing really had me going :/

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  • kylecation

    Hi is perverted... Well I guess I'm a real sick fuck...

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  • jeebley

    Of course this post is ironic, but it makes a good point. I won't even look at kids in the street in case people think im a pedophile or something. Why should I have to even think like this??

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  • jmfrench

    As a mother, it is common to get defensive about things. The park situation is definitely unacceptable. But I think attacking someone with a microwave & throwing them down the stairs is a bit on the extreme side...

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  • coolio75650932

    1.saying hi and how are you doing isnt perverted >.< its called a greeting.
    2.most 5 year olds are pretty cute(personal experience i have three kids)
    3.offering pie could just mean actual pie >.<
    4.your probobly gonna acuse me of being a pervert now.

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  • fairyprincess

    my uncle doesn't say anything like hey hon you want some pie but he says hey sweety do you want to lick my banana and i say yes and then he licks my rosebud.this is our little secret.

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  • Fartyr

    Be careful because pedophiles are everywhere. And a lot if them think there's nothing wrong with what they like. It's sick. You are better off safe and feeling paranoid than crazy. Way better.

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  • 1000yrVampireKing

    He was asking her about pie? I would assume that he was most likely offering her something to lure her to his truck. I do not think he meant sex. When a pedophile asks if someone wants candy it means he is offering candy. Yes that is kind of creepy.

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  • DubstepismyMJ

    I can't tell if this is a troll or not..

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  • 1000yrVampireKing

    Generally when adults see children they will smile or nod. You are suppose to be kind to children. Children naturally look around and they often steer at whoever is around. Also your should teach your kid not to talk to strangers. If the child walked over to someone that is a good way to get kidnapped. An adult talking to little kids on the playground beside other their kids or other adults looks strange.

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    • disthing

      I think you missed the fact that this post is tit deep in facetious Troll speak and is not in any way genuine. It's satire!

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  • Bubbles-for-life

    I know right thats sooo perverted of him to say hello kiddo SO PERVERTED HE SHOULD BE SENTANCED TO LIFE IN JAIL!!!! Smh

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  • manii92

    What are you trying to say about americans ass??

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  • Cows3012892347

    he wasnt trying to seduce your daughter...they were making friendly remarks. they arent pedos

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  • you know

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  • bvb1997

    Ur a serious paranoid mom holy shit! 0.0

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  • ohplease

    Call the cops. On everyone. Is anybody besides you ever along with her? Are you certain that you might not have inadvertently molested her at some point?

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    • I'm a WOMAN, you imbecilic bag of douche.

      But now that you mention it, maybe I should keep a closer eye on my husband.

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      • ohplease

        Women can molest people too, you know. They may be devoid of a rape-specific appendage, but they usually have ten healthy fingers and a vast array of household implements.

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      • 1000yrVampireKing

        You need to chill. Also never take the eyes off your child in the park. Pay attention at all times.

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      • ReiTakeda

        Male troll :D

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        • 1000yrVampireKing

          I am no troll.

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          • ReiTakeda

            If you are "anonymous poll creator" why did you tell yourself to chill?

            Because I make my comment to "anonymous poll creator" ... ~.~`

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      • chuy

        So what if you're a woman?,that dosen't excempt you from molesting a child. Google it not all pedos are men some are women. Oh oops now I made you even more paranoide. Better lock yourself and your daughter in your house cause the whole world is out to molest her.

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