The smell of an anxiety ridden client.

This is something that happen in early September of this year and it still is bothering me! It was 9/11 and I was going to see my therapist for the first time. Well, I was absolutely terrified. I had no fucking clue what to expect from this woman. The last psychotherapist that I saw was a psychiatrist that I went to see back when I was a minor and this man was fucking psychotic. So, naturally, I was worried that this woman would turn out to be like him. Also, I have social phobias, some of which cause me to sweat profusely, have rapid heart beats and so on if I am meeting someone for first time.

Well, it turns out that there really was no reason for me to fear my new doctor. She put me at ease and reassured me that she wasn't going to do the things that my psychiatrist had done, because apparently the things he had done were strictly unethical. Despite this, I was still nervous and sweating. I was wearing a very light sports jacket, which was dark in colour, and underneath it was a somewhat dark neon blue t-shirt. Well, I feel that if I had not taken off my jacket that there wouldn't exist the risk of her potentially seeing sweat puddles in the pits of my shirt. I kept feeling that I could smell something, but my sense of smell has always been extremely sensitive. So, sensitive that it picks up on things that others don't noticed. Because, of this I thought that I would be in the clear.

However, when it got to the end of the appointment and after I had finished paying her, we both got up and she escorted me out, which allowed for some close contact… Well, I can't remember exactly where we were when she said this, I think that we might have been in the waiting room, but she started to tell me about how there was a bathroom outside and that I could ask the secretary for the key and that I could take some time to "freshen up" while in there! I could've sworn that she twisted her face when she said this! The thing is at the time, what she was trying to say didn't really occur to me… I thought that she was just being nice and helpful, but I found it a tad odd that she would bring up the restroom…

As aforementioned, I'm still feeling bothered about this. It has caused me to worry about many factors like: How one earth could she smell me?! The only way she could smell me was if she too had an overly sensitive sense of smell. Part of what leads me to this assumption is that her office smells OVERWHELMINGLY like her. I don't know how she has done this nor why, and it is not that her smell is atrocious because it isn't. It is actually quite nice, but it is very overpowering… Sometimes, I have to fight myself from sneezing simply because I don't want to offend her. The other thing that worries me is what she must have thought. In normal situations, I have very good hygiene when I go out. It is terrible for it to fail me when I'm trying to make a good impression with her. Every time I see her, I worry about getting nervous and sweating. It especially doesn't help that because the season is winter and where we live the climate has become very cold so, naturally, her office is being heated like a fucking oven!

Is this normal?