This is god, i know all

I AM GOD AND I KNOW EVERYTHING. ASK ME ANYTHING ABOUT THE OBSERVABLE UNIVERSE AND I SHALL PROVIDE YOU AN ANSWER ASAP.

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19% Normal
Based on 77 votes (15 yes)
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Comments ( 123 )
  • Barracuda

    Well Hello. In a REDOX reaction, not all reactions involve the transfer of an electron. Can you, Sir, explain under what cirumstances the electrons do not transfer?

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    • Are you asking god to do your homework? Most commonly valency is unchanged in REDOX reactions involving covalent bonds.. that's all your receiving. Go to your local library when it resumes operations.

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      • Barracuda

        Huh? With all due respect, God, you are omnipotent are you not? prove it by doing my homework you silly goose:p

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        • I am too old for homework, was a nightmare when Jesus first went to school. That kid was stoned, lashed, and chased at with fire for just showing up. And when they did give him homework he would be dragging his pack because of how heavy the stone tablets were. Is how we came up with the ball and chain.

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          • Barracuda

            you should have given us Jesus now in the 21st century, i was reading a book of yours last time (the Bible, I believe?) and this Jesus guy, well, he actually seemed like a pretty cool fellow

            but it is true you are a little too old for homework. go on, and rest

            Btw, when will you make an appearance?

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            • Yeah he would have faired a lot better in these times, although he had much work to do back then. His sacrifice in that dredged era was for the worth of all mankind. Please make sure he didn't die in vain my child and be a good person.

              I make an appearance everyday 24/7, when your awake and when your asleep. I am the most subtle of actions, and my miracles are that of which you don't even notice.

              For example every time you don't stub your toe that was me, when you do well I am sure you can guess who the guy downstairs is. I am really busy I may be around but as you kids say AFK.

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  • RoseIsabella

    What is the meaning of life?

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    • Thank you my child, the meaning of life is really quite simple. And that meaning is that there is no real meaning. You need not worry about over complicating things. Life's true meaning derives from that of which you apply to it. So take things slow, appreciate everything around you and strive to come to understanding with these things for the greater your sight is the more beauty you will see and this will bring you joy. The second point is share that beauty by passing on that knowledge to others in your life and those that come after you. With this you gain immortality. Now you know the great secret I wish you a long life.

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      • donteatstuffoffthesidewalk

        i already learnt all that shit from 80s movies

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N_yJFLvmjJY

        now wheres my fuckin keys?

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        • Here's a cookie instead

          http://vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/chocolate/images/5/50/Chocolate_chip_cookies.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20120618211542

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  • dirtybirdy

    Are we like to be playing a little game? Damn dyslexic mutt. Who said it was ok to use the computer?! Bad!

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    • That is right my child, you are located on MAP034692492. I am hoping to send some hurricanes in your sector later this year. Be prepared!

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      • dirtybirdy

        That's ok. I like it ruff.

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        • DrEvil

          How much meth did you snort today?

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          • When I was watching he did a little bit :/

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            • dirtybirdy

              You're a dirty editer! So am I but that's besides the point.

              I'm a she, you schmuck.

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          • dirtybirdy

            Know I didnt.

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        • Ellenna

          Only ruff hurricanes, or ruff generally?

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    • dirtybirdy

      You bastard.

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  • EccentricWeird

    If you know all things,
    Then surely you must know that
    You sound like a complete fool.

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  • Anonymous200

    Okay, God. Since you are the Ultimate Supreme Being, that makes you responsible for all the evil in this world. I demand an apology on behalf on myself and the rest of the human race. Get to it, you bastard!

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    • Ah what misfortune it be, you ate from my sacred tree to achieve such knowledge. Then assume that it is evil and or good. This is why I warned my children not to eat the forbidden fruit for I knew they were still too young to fully comprehend the vastness of my creation. Then you have the audacity to put fourth blame upon your creator, and not ask rather demand an apology. For shame.
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      There is no good or evil, it simply is or is not. Good and evil only exist in the perceivers mind. You are the evil and good you see, for you are the provider of substance on that level of mentality.

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      • EccentricWeird

        dear god,
        r u smelly
        R O F L
        smellyguy

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  • Ellenna

    THIS IS THE GODDESS AND YOU DON'T SCARE ME: YOU'VE HAD YOUR CHANCE WITH THE UNIVERSE AND LEFT A HUGE MESS FOR ME AND MY FOLLOWERS TO CLEAN UP.

    BE WARNED, YOUR DAYS ARE NUMBERED AND YOUR TIME IS RUNNING OUT FAST

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  • runningwithscissors

    Sorry. You can't be God. I AM GOD. SILLY MORTALS.

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  • Avant-Garde

    Did you know that Satan is a lesbian who preys on women who have men in their lives?

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  • 213

    Goddess in other to shut me up ,give me fame and fortune asap .

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  • JustAHuman

    Why did you create Satan?

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  • TareBear20

    There is no "God" unless it can be proven other wise. A man wrote the bible and every organized religion is man made myth -all of it. There is a lot of magic to this universe, but it is not due to a God. When I walk past churches, it makes me think of one thing; a cult and I find that people who attend church are insane to worship a story they've been told. Me? I need to see it to believe it. So, until God knocks on my door with some friendly advice or presents himself to me, his existence is void in my life. So, how about you ask me a question, since I seem to know more than you, anyway. :P

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  • megadriver

    Hey God, save me a flying Mercedes and a yacht for heaven ok? I hear it's all just skies and angels with wings who think they can play the harp. Want to make it feel more comfortable. I will be stuck there forever after I die, so... Also make sure you have rock and roll, alcohol and meat. I know it's bad to kill animals for food, but come on, it's heaven right? And stake testes awesome!
    As for booze - It's a holy drink ain't it. Says so in the bible - for wine at least...

    Thanks, see 'ya 60 or however many years I have left XD

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  • Asstastics

    A question, oh omnipotent one. Are you vengeful and what do you think about idolatry?

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  • 213

    A wise man once said to me " the most true god ,is the one between the woman's legs " so now i know he was talking about you OP

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    • Ellenna

      THIS IS THE GODDESS AND ALTHOUGH YOU ARE USING THE SACRED VULVA AS AN INSULT, YOU ARE IN FACT CORRECT WITHOUT KNOWING IT, OH IGNORANT ONE ......... THE GODDESS IS IN THE VULVA AND THE VULVA IS THE GODDESS, GET USED TO IT, MY TIME IS COMING ...... AND COMING ..... AND COMING ........

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  • swaggs

    oh lord and saviour, will i ever get married have two beautiful mixed kids and then have a divorce at age 34 and travel europe for the sex tourism?

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  • NormalIsAsNormalDoes

    Is it possible for something to be true and false at the same time? For example, God exists and God does not exist? Now, it's important that each use of the word refers to the same referendum. For example, the word God cannot refer to the God of the Bible and the an imaginary God that a child has made up.

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  • 213

    Yo' are you the ghost of neferetete the late goddes of egypt .if you real god then make sure hiv and aids is no more ,if not then come lick my balls

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    • Unfortunately not, my existence is known to you as the universe. As such I cannot undo what is meant to have been, and your balls with be licked in time rest assured a carrier canine is on its way. Please prepare the peanut butter.

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  • NyanStrike

    God, should I be happy for who I am?

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    • Indeed my child, at very least content.

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  • zenidealist

    What was created before our universe?

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    • My universe, in this version of reality expands to the point it will collapse inwards onto itself forming a singularity from all the substrates. At that time it becomes a white hole and the whole process starts over again. There was never anything before the universe for the universe always exist in all states conceivable and inconceivable. Your next life is a blink away!
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      I am that, I am.

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  • thegypsysailor

    What is the longitude and latitude where my boat is anchored?

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    • At the bottom of the sea if you don't stop wasting my time with petty questions. The wrath of god be known!

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      • thegypsysailor

        Hey, dipshit, YOU posted; "ASK ME ANYTHING". I did just that and you failed to answer the question correctly! Therefore, you are NOT all knowing, only all blowhard!
        And how can you sink my lil boatie if'n you can't findie it?
        oNCE AGAIN, PROOF GOD DOES NOT EXIST, from it's own mouth (well, fingertips, typing).

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        • As god is the universe made concious their omnipotent power is limited to the conveyor. Therefore only you and those you've brought onto yourself with such knowledge will have the answer. I work through physical means.

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          • thegypsysailor

            And still the con goes on, drum roll here.

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            • despuit

              This isn't a con is my actual belief system. I believe god is real in symbolism to the universe and all energy (all that is) is alive as a signal entity. On our level of perception we have the gift of reflection and build many new horizons form from such by harnessing the power within us eg. Me you and every one are gods, we are immortal. Time merely exist as memory, that is why we have de ja vu, and dreams. We know nothing and all, we are simply reliving a past simulation slowly uncovering more of the plot with the more knowledge we collect.

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    • Ellenna

      I'd like to know that too ...... oh damn, you're already coupled with someone, aren't you?

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      • thegypsysailor

        Yes, I am very, very happily married.
        There quite a few very decent men out here that are sailing around in their retirement who would love to meet and sail with an adventurous lady. Many would be more than happy just for the company and not be looking for anything more unless it developed naturally.
        Check out (lurk I think they call it?) some of the sailing and cruising forums. If you PM me I can give you specific sites.

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        • Ellenna

          Thanks gypsysailor, but I was only flirting! My health confines me to reasonable proximity to doctors and hospitals, to the extent that I'm having trouble accepting that I'll probably never travel to the outback again.

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          • thegypsysailor

            Thanks for the flirt.
            But really, of course I don't know your problems, but there are some cases of folks going sailing and the separation from stress and civilization seems to cure them of some pretty serious things (or remission).
            I've done the Queensland coast and the Northern Territories, so I understand what one might miss out there. We took over 3 months from Carpenteria to Darwin.

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            • Ellenna

              With emphysema I'm no longer confident about my physical ability to withstand extremes of temperature which badly affect my lungs, ditto strong winds.

              That must've been an amazing trip although if you stayed on the water you did miss out on the amazing desert country. Down the coast of Western Australia would be fantastic too

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  • Anonymous200

    I didn't eat from anything. You put a shiny toy in front of two babies, blamed them and now have the audacity to place blame on everyone else, you psychopath! Even if I let you off the hook for creating the evil that infects the world today, I would still force you to beg for forgiveness. You have caused famine, drought, disease, disabilities that cripple innocent children and suffering for the entire human race! The race you were supposed to protect and love, but abandoned because you lost your temper! You are a psychotic, abusive figure and I want nothing to do with you!

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    • No your ancestors did. And as such they must assume responsibility for their actions. All this famine, drought, disease, and what have you is indeed humanities fault. Natural disasters are a protection program coded into earth's software, it is what attempts to maintain homoeostasis. If you humans had taken your agriculture skills for example and put back the water, the nutrients you took from the soil to grow that land, then it would remain forever fertile. You grow crops in excess and waste the majority of it... yet you complain of famine. Your problem is resource allocation which is your governments fault, not mine. If you want change be the change you see in the world.

      It baffles me you tolerate governments that kill people day in and out, allow you to become sick when you have the technology to protactively prevent ailments.

      Those born with illness are not my fault you will find human error is the cause for some where along the way they had sexual relations with someone too close in their bloodline forming mutations which later on manifested into those birth defects. If you were smart you would breed out genetic anomalies and use your technology to correct such. No temper was lost I merely stepped back for your forcefully took the knowledge to prevent all these problems. When I was going to wait and guide you through the whole process like the good parent, but you betrayed me.

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  • ArmusWasTheFirstTroll

    If the answer to the meaning of life, the universe, and everything is 42, what is the question?

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    • anti-hero

      Jackie Robinson?

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      • donteatstuffoffthesidewalk

        it sure as hell werent arod

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    • I shall borrow from Japanese folklore in Japan the number is symbolic to misfortune. As told though Shi-Ri which is representative to knowledge of which your question derives. Being the "ultimate knowledge" which is synonymous for death. Therefore the question is what occurs after death. And as bonus I will tell you that all living things are immortal from their birth, therefore the question is faux.
      --
      ---
      P.S. To be immortal in life takes a lot more work.

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  • You're Unimoo, admit it!
    http://puu.sh/ecXId/c86ac9623c.png

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  • anti-hero

    If you are God, why are you limited to the "observable" universe?

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    • Because I am only providing answers that are relevant to those here. Do you my child have such a question that is outside the scope provided? And if so please convey such so I may answer.

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      • anti-hero

        Well the only way to express the concept is in Biavien, bit since your God surely you speak Biavien. So ...

        O-Quan Tinjin wah, Qui omsom laji wan?

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        • If you're going to propose trickery propose such correctly:

          "Q-Qua Tangin Wann, Qua omsa la' wann?"

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          • anti-hero

            Someone has google. I speak the eastern dilect. C'mon God you should know.

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            • despuit

              I am really curious about this, you say you speak an eastern dialect and I've populated results from Indonesia. Yet antecedently you are specifying Biavien. Which from where I stand is a name followed by a practice of meditation.

              Honestly I do not see question, care to elaborate. I admit defeat if it is indeed something other then what I've said.

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  • TrustMeImLying

    Can you create a paddle so large that even you can't lift it?

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    • Absolutely I can by making myself temporally mortal as in my former god state this would simply be a paradox.

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  • cosmictripster

    Anyone else notice that this is the same person who says they are the best and cleverest? And also find it pretty pointless and annoying?

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    • despuit

      OK let's clear shit up.

      A. not me beyond not me, not even a troll thread.

      B. the point of this was because my opinions vary from the social normalcy and I had great intention on sharing these imperatives through this means as I noticed similar threads receiving positive feedback.

      C. in the normal day to day life no one wants to talk about the things I know or think I know they'd rather assertively assume what they know is superior and anything that outranks that become irrelevant. For me I don't know a lot of things, in reality nothing, is subjectable to change, am open to any argument. And most of the time if someone is willing to reach the end of it and be relatively civilised. It will end in have a good day, that was a great discussion.

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      • cosmictripster

        Wait I'm confused, are you the OP or poster of another thread? Sorry if I offended you I've just seen a few of these types of posts that were trolls and/or just dumb. Haven't read into this one much so maybe it's different.

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        • despuit

          Yes I am the OP :) and I have been actively posting in the other thread you aforementioned as merely a poster. No offence taken, and yeah there are bunch of them. Clever being the most popular today and whole nother level this month which are definitely trolls. They don't even respond to questions too often and when they do are way off basis.

          I try to answer every question to the best of my ability and if it ever happens I don't know an answer I will not beat around bushes and will submit.

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          • cosmictripster

            Okay well sorry, now that I actually read the responses you seem like you have some interesting input. I guess assuming made an ass outta me and me lol. Now for a question Mr./Mrs. God; Is Morgan Freeman a higher power?

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            • dirtybirdy

              Assume nothing but the position.

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            • Absolutely, one night I was plastered with my son. Drinking a little too much of the red you know. So we`re playing that knife game you earthlings made up and I cut off his finger by accident. Then as it falls to the ground an angel is born from his flesh... Morgan fucking Freeman.

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  • WhoYouCallinPinhead

    God, huh? Ok God, I got a few questions for you:

    1) Will there ever be a alien invasion?
    2) Will all of society's ills ever be put to rest on Earth?
    and
    3) Will I ever live on the planet I desire?

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    • 1.) Yes there will be an alien invasion, on Earth? Can't say stay tuned.
      2.) The way viruses and bacteria propagate where you are humans nor any other species in the local microverse will experience this.
      3.) No you will never live on the planet you desire for you'll be dead by the time you would be able to.

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      • WhoYouCallinPinhead

        Regarding my 3rd question. Who knows for sure, right God? Even the universe has it's surprises and there's always the chance of a afterlife. I might get lucky and I'll be born onto the planet I desire.

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  • KeddersPrincess

    Can you make rain 1 million dollars on my house?

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    • Now how will this teach anything>? I can instead promise you the delivery of 1 million dollars, hugs, and kisses over your lifetime may that be enough to satisfy you.

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      • KeddersPrincess

        Can the hugs and kisses come from Sebastian Bach?

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        • God damn, you know what with those strong facial features I'll pull a favour. I do not intervene directly with peoples life's so my buddy the sand man will pop over tonight and ensure you have a good sleep. ;)

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          • KeddersPrincess

            "Mr. Sandman,
            Bring me a dream (bung, bung, bung, bung)
            Make him the cutest that I've ever seen"

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  • Omikron

    What is my full name? Or, if that's beyond your immeasurable knowledge of the observable universe, is P equal to NP?

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    • despuit

      I looked over this for a bit, I was trying to go to bed however the tv show elementary brought it on the episode I am on. In my conclusion based on notes in physics P does indeed equal NP. The scarier part though with regards to chaos theory and the joke I made earlier omg lol where newtons law applies is still relevant. Both exist, I Wouldn't want to live in P does not equal NP realm. I just don't want to imagine it, too complicated for this time.

      Any ways yes P does equal NP. I am positive on my conclusion.

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    • Does thou mock thee? Perhaps thy protest too much, as it seems you don't even know your name (created 12 mins ago). How can I provide that of which to you that you don't even know. Trust in me and things will come in due time.

      P is equal to NP as NP is equal to P whereas NP does not equal P and P does not equal NP.

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      • charli.m

        Does thou mock thee = do you mock you?

        And the thy should be thou. Thou doth would be most correct.

        You fail.

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        • despuit

          Very interesting, did not know that. Thank you for the information I shall update the post to reflect such and to ingrain such into memory. :)

          Edit: I would however I cannot update anonymous post so I will just update my brain. xD

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      • Omikron

        First answer was great but I was a little disappointed with the latter; you know there's a $1,000,000 USD prize for that? You could use that money to rain on KeddersPrincess's house.

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        • despuit

          Thanks, honestly I know a lot of subjects however computer science I just never was indited into that field of study. Which ironic because I did IT for years. I need not the money however is pretty cool they're offering. Will give it a serious read later on. Was just on the fly, with regards to chaos theory and relativity in general what I said was true. Just not the answer for here and now.

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  • donteatstuffoffthesidewalk

    i lost a seta keys last year, where the fuck is they?

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    • You lost your set of keys! How vain you are my child, have you not thought I grow bored of suffering through pain up in this palace of clouds? Thought not, thus you were created from dust so I may instil suffering of mental variety. GOOD LUCK FINDING YOUR KEYS!

      MUAHAHAHAHA

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      • donteatstuffoffthesidewalk

        is there anyone else there i could talk to bout this matter? could i speak with yalls manager please?

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        • Please hold...

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  • Avant-Garde

    When will the American people finally be disclosed to about the existence of extraterrestrials?

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    • anti-hero

      Why just the Americans? Others don't need to know?

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      • Area-51

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        • anti-hero

          But the others can't know?

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          • God works for the government.

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            • anti-hero

              In what capacity?

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          • charli.m

            ...you know most of your country sees the world as muricans and forrners. And the forrners arent people so they don't count.

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          • Didn't mean to disregard that part, was simply addressing the motive behind the question. Through the media they will find out as well. To reformulate the question, do other governments not also contain such secrets?

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    • Not in this century, perhaps I will force my hand in the next. Only time will tell.

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