This story of mine still surfaces during the day in my head

I remember back in the day when i had to be in dormitory with a female mate which is kinda not too common since you know, whatever body or figure of whatever manages the dormitory laws or whatever (basically i smoked too much weed last night my verbal cognitive has just gone batshit potato dead..) wants to avoid sexual conducts or stuff like that but basically what i wanted to say is that one day, i come over to room with minor bruises and she kind of glances at me laying against the wall on a bed with one sock on and the other totally off saying that she feels sorry for whatever beat up i got, while i just stumbled over and i tell her the truth and she keeps insisting that someone did it and she said "I should relieve that for you" and i'm like "Yeah, gotta grab the patches though and some ethanol for disinfection" and she responds that's what she means and for some idiotic reason i had on my mind that i should of have fallen over bed with my crotch between her naked foot and jerk it off, and i suddenly move my head up and she looks at me with an embarrassing face telling me that's not what she meant as well, and i just couldn't help with the build up and she left the bed too early for restroom, and to this day i'm still ruminating over those thoughts of not being able to stroke with it to the point of ejaculation and now i'm 27 and still thinking about it and have been searching for her for a while, and there's no internet or facebook info, and as result of foot sex frustration i tried to knock myself out on number of occasions with sedatives and number of pills so i could lucid dream doing that kind of sex but to my utter disappointment, and the lack of logic and missing laws of physics in the dreams makes shit impossible and this frustrates me even more, and i'm really afraid to talk about it to a shrink as i'm afraid that i'll be even more frustrated that i'll have to learn coping skills to deal with a lonely life and alter my thinking to focus on other things but the urges still keep surfacing to my head and i just can't help it, stroking with right hand doesn't feel the same just like it did with her foot (i miss you nostalgia lady..) and the build up doesn't feel the same to the point i'd compare a cigarette to a fucking crack, but damn, this hurts...