Ths is what trauma does

I'm so sorry that happened to you. Do you think there's any possibility of reconciling trust with the people that you know personally? If it's possible to keep the distrust limited only to cops, then it might improve your quality of life in other areas. I'm sorry if this sounds patronizing or condescending, I know PTSD has unpredictable effects, which you may or may not have much control over

I used to be kind of indifferent about police brutality/lethality because I live in a small, suburban area where any time you hear sirens it's most likely an ambulance heading to the nearby assisted living homes

Last night I watched a police bodycam and I am fucking disgusted and livid. The cops were in the suspect's garage, guns already drawn, and the suspect walked into his garage holding a baseball cap in his hand. Without even bothering to identify what it was he was holding, the cop shot the man probably 5-8 times in the chest and abdomen. As the guy as lying facedown in his own growing pool of blood, all the cop does is scream at him to roll over and to "stop reaching" for who the fuck knows? The baseball cap? When the guy lost consciousness (at least I hope that's all it was), this asshole pig drags the guy's unconscious body and places cuffs on him while he's knocked out and losing blood quickly Absolutely zero attempts to staunch the flow of blood or provide any kind of medical assistance

I don't take part in rallies or anything like that, but after seeing that, holy fuck I have a strong urge to sever a cop's spinal cord

I'd encourage you to find some PTSD or trauma-focused support groups, either online or in person. I'm a member of some support groups and they've made a huge difference

You were not nearly shot to death as no shot was even taken.

Good day.

But if you love the thought of that, then why are they nightmares? Anyway you sound a lot like me except my paranoia is brought about by being bullied so much by so many people to the point where I just can't trust anyone at all and I am terrified of basically everything.

Have you sought out any help?

I had a whole swat team of them come at me once because I pulled a shotgun on a nigga in my yard. I didnt know they were sorrounding the house amd just went outside to walk to my neighbors and dudes with shotguns were out there yelling "GET ON YER FUCKIN FACE GODDAMNIT! WE WILL FUCKIN SHOOT YOU!!!"

Okay, nice try. Very obviously a troll post.