To have too much self awareness?

66% Normal
11 Comments

So basically for the last two years I have been a total recluse in university. I used to be the urgh 'life of the party' as people say, the brightest, bubbliest, wildest and rebellious creature.

Then I turned into a crazy introvert. So being the inquisitive person that I am, I was so desperate to find out what was wrong with me and psychology/psychiatry offered me the answers. Plus some Christian references (demons etc). But in these past two years I have been OBSESSED with it, it affects my work, daily functioning, everything. That and pot.

So obviously now I'm quite knowledgeable and alert to every thought and action I make. I am my own case study. I study myself night and day. But inevitably it creates even more inner conflict when I start to doubt. People tell you one thing, yet you think another.
You plan to do one thing, but when the time comes you act another way. You think you know so much and are rationally analysing the situation yet you could actually be delusional?

I've been reading up on all the early schizophrenia signs and I have them all, yet again I wonder if I'm a hypochondriac.

Your body tells you when something is wrong, you yourself know something is wrong, is it wrong to want to so badly find out what IS wrong?

Voting Results
66% Normal
Based on 38 votes (25 yes)
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 11 )
  • Poolnoodle
    10 years ago

    It sounds as if you are experiencing anxiety. I'm not sure what you're going through to think that you may suffer from schizophrenia, but extreme anxiety and social withdrawal can definitely trigger a psychosis episode.
    However, the fact that you are self aware definitely sends a flag that you are not suffering from psychosis. People with psychosis lack insight.
    Meditation and mindfulness based training has shown to be the most effective in treating anxiety.
    I suffer from anxiety and meditation and mindfulness really helps! Especially with the over analyzing of the self. Find a free meetup group, a class either locally or through your university.
    Also, talking to someone will greatly improve your chances of overcoming your anxiety. You want to deal with this soon as anxiety can affect your academic achievements and career performance, that will increase your negative thoughts and put you into a vicious cycle!
    Universities often offer free or cheap therapy and counseling, please utilize every option that you have!

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
      -
    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      Thanks, yeah you made very valuable points. I think I am on the road to psychosis, not there yet so I want to stop it before it happens thats why I over obsess. But I will certainly give mindfulness a try.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
  • TwoThumbs
    10 years ago

    Honestly... it sounds like you're having anxiety....maybe severe anxiety. But anxiety. I know when I would look up symptoms back in the days before I knew of my anxiety and panic issues...I would totally think I had whatever I looked up.

    Granted...I'm not a moron. I'm actually very well accomplished in a very technical field. So don't let the thought of "issues" bring you down.

    Seek therapy. Soon. Talk to them about your anxieties. Look up Mindful Meditation. Meditation completely cured me in a sense that its basically helped me reprogram the way I think. Now when I get anxious, I'm very aware of it (whereas before I was not). I instinctively use the skills I've learned in meditation and therapy to let go of that anxiety and I haven't had panic attacks in years. Food for though.

    What early symptoms are you saying that you have for schizophrenia?

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
      -
    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      How long it take before you consciously started using mindfulness? I've been propelled from various therapies/shrinks to another this last year, yet whenever I'm spiralling down again I never remember anything I've learnt and resort to old coping habits. I'm gonna put posters on my wall today that could help.

      Loss of pleasure in everything apart from pot. Which even sometimes I cba. The disorganisation of thoughts and speech, withdrawal, visual hallucinations especially in the peripheral, inability to tell reality from life is probably the biggest issue especially because of sleep paralysis and so many fucked dreams. Lack of emotions which I completely ignored as an issue, but everyone points it out.

      I understand that it could be anxiety, hence why I will wait and let nature takes it's course if it is this.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • TwoThumbs
        10 years ago

        Pretty quickly actually, but its different for everyone. Try it...but also seek therapy. Drop the pot. Meditation is something you should be doing EVERY DAY for 20 minutes...Honestly...I was doing this and it helped dramatically. After a few weeks I wanted to do it more and more. Ended up doing 2 45 minutes meditations a day which really led me down a pretty awesome path.

        Also, if you can find an anxiety group at your local therapist it can do wonders. They teach you to realize that thoughts are only thoughts. Which we obviously know but in the moment they are all encompassing.

        One trick that I loved that someone I heard dub "riding the wave" was pretty amazing....just say to yourself "I've having this thought...as soon at it is over I'm going to _________" Blank can be anything...watch this tv show...go for a jog...whatever.

        It's very simple but it gets you to quit wrestling with thoughts and getting you to be aware that its only a thought...and when you're done you're going to carry on with your day.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    I don't see how being over self aware would be related to schizophrenia. I've been diagnosed although I've been medicated pretty well for the last few years and it seems all those symptoms are mostly in remission.
    I am not very self aware at all. I am very out of touch with my emotions and have no clue how other people view me unless they tell me nor am I able to care. I don't know if this is related to my diagnosis at all but I seem to be one of the least self conscious person I know.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
      -
    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      I don't think my self awareness is related to it. I think its finally led me to see it as a possible explanation as the personality disorders don't fully cover certain symptoms.
      I defo don't have it now, but from research I could possibly be on the road to it, and pot makes it worse.

      You sound like you don't give a fuck what anyone thinks? Cause I don't either or do you also lack self insight?

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • [Old Memory]
        10 years ago

        To answer whether I don't care what other people think, or if I lack insight, I think it might be both, although I must have some insight to realize that I am lacking insight.
        Reading other people is not one of my better skills, so normally I only know what people tell me. Usually when I try to guess, I am way off.
        It seems to me that most people like me but like anyone there are always going to be people who work against each other. I'm not always quite trusting of peoples motives but I realize that to be over concerned about it is useless because predicting people is near impossible. Therefore having concern over other peoples thoughts is useless.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
  • ilovefanny
    10 years ago

    i totally get you i am ocd pretty bad and obsess over every little detail i do and get overly paranoid how things come across to other people

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • Karmasbitch
    10 years ago

    Woah, are you me?

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
      -
    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      lol you tell me.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0