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I hate when people act rude and ornery and say thats just " the real me". Most of us can fake being nice at least in public. If you cant act decent especially for your job... youre pretty messed up.
At least if someone makes it obvious they're an asshole then you can just avoid them instead of thinking they're ok then getting fucked over unexpectedly
You're not wrong there. I've had so-called "friends" pull this shit and it was pretty hurtful. Like, if you don't like me, you don't have to pretend to. There's a difference between being civil but keeping your distance, which I think is a good way to handle it, and pretending to be someone's good friend when in reality you can't stand them.
I'm assuming you're not saying you prefer fake behiavors and being lied to, but rather that you don't like the "so what, this is the real me" thing being used as an exuse to never put any work into being a better person
I have a relative who will create a scene, get loud, swear up a storm, make threats, destroy property and whenever we would try to calm them down/get them to stop/tell them that there will be consequences(like being arrested or having to pay for property damage and how it would effect their children/living situation) they simply reply with something along the lines of "you already know how I am/this is just how I am"...and no.. It's how they CHOOSE to behave or CHOOSING not to control themselves/their emotions
It's how they choose to be in the sense of: it being that they feel like they fall short of perfect everytime (nobody is perfect with their emotions/self control EVERY time or to the FULLEST extent but that doesn't mean they shouldn't try), and as a result end up rebelling against this idea of being 'perfect'(which they feel they can never be because they make mistakes(like everyone else)) and going in the complete opposite direction and become an asshole
IN THEIR MIND, putting up more of an act to purposely be an asshole, is 'being real'/ "this is just who I am!" to them, because they've rejected the idea of 'perfect' so much, as a result of struggling/failing to reach 'perfect' behiavor so many times that they start to believe it doesn't exist even in the slightest.
So then they view everyone who is actually genuinely polite, kind, and or calm in situations as the ones 'acting' or 'being fake.' Where as they themself, being this rebel against this thing that they believe to be 'fake/an act,' act the opposite.. which is an asshole, and use this "this is just me so get used to it!" thing, as a crutch so they never have to change or behave decently/respectfully
If that's what you meant, then I understand why you would prefer fake niceness over the "this is just me" asshole behiavors because at least with fake niceness/respectfulness you're not being treated badly(at least not to your face) or having to deal with attitude, drama, and or injury/property damage
I prefer people that are genuine. Fake nice is easy to spot and serves no purpose. It just makes people look fake.
I generally hate fake niceness. Being polite to someone you cannot stand is beyond me *shrugs*
When we're in the developmental stage, our butts usually form first; making all of us assholes at some point in time.
That's why if I see someone who I can't stand, I don't talk to them and make it clear I'm not their friend.
I'm a mix of both I'm an asshole but I got a heart. Most of the assholishness is because of misinterpreted humor.
I agree, though it does depend on the situation.
For example, I think it's just cruel to be fake nice and pretend to be someone's friend when you actually don't like them, but you can still be civil and just keep conversation to the necessary minimum. I think civil is what you mean by "fake nice" though, so I agree.
However, the type of people to brag about being assholes, say shit like "If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best", or excuse their unnecessarily rude behavior as "just the way they are" exactly the assholes they brag about being, and it's not a good thing. This to me just shows childishness, immaturity, and a lack of accountability for one's actions. Ironically, these are also the same types of people who are shocked that they have no friends.
I do think there's a time and place to be firm, even in a work situation (but still kept professional, of course). However, there's a clear difference between being firm and being crude.
Until retirement I was a senior engineer, far preferred honesty over crawling sycophants.
I can always see through it when someone's being fake nice and it gets on my nerves way more than if they were just being honest. I'd probably prefer if someone I worked with for example acted nice instead of saying rude things everyday though, to be honest, but I would still avoid that person as much as possible.