Volunteering isn't rewarding

I've never had a job before so needed a reference. I thought I'd volunteer at a charity shop. I've been doing this for a few months, but it's nothing like I expected.
I certainly haven't made friends. The other volunteers are nice, but we just pass each other by, say "hi" to each other, explain your job, and that's it.
There was a social pub meeting so that you could at least get to know each other in a casual setting once a month but it never went ahead, and I haven't heard anything since then in the following months, so whether I'm not being invited or they just don't do it...
I'm glad I'm helping people by volunteering, but it's not that amazing. It's quite boring. The posters said we'd be a great team and sites on loneliness and depression said it would cure me which it hasn't, so I'm left to wonder what's wrong with me because I Googled it and nothing really came up, just people saying how much better it made them feel.

No offense but I'm a teenage girl and nearly all the people there are middle-aged women I have nothing in common with. I don't mind age, as long as we can have a laugh, but it doesn't happen. I also prefer men, of which there are none. Don't ask me why. I'm extremely shy which I can overcome when somebody else leads the conversation and makes me feel at ease, but while the 50 year old female manager is pleasant enough, she's really not a positive and charismatic individual.
Instead of feeling proud, I feel like a total loser with nothing better to do than iron clothes for a shop. I don't tell anyone I volunteer because it's embarrassing.

TL;DR I'm extremely lonely but volunteering hasn't helped.

Voting Results
91% Normal
Based on 11 votes (10 yes)
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Comments ( 14 )
  • New-Zealand-Guy

    Volunteering is about helping people and it is good you are pleased to be helping people. However, you should also be enjoying it! If your not enjoying it then maybe you should start looking at a different volunteer role because volunteering is just as much about you enjoying it also and it should be fun!

    I volunteer at the Zoo in my city. I don't know if you have an interest in animals but if you do and you have a Zoo where you live maybe you should go on their webpage and see if they have any volunteer programmes. There are volunteers of all ages at the Zoo I volunteer at.

    You say you are a teenager, well the zoo I volunteer at works like this. They have the normal volunteer programme which has a lot of teenagers as well as older people in it. However, the teenagers are over 17. For the 15 year olds to 17 years olds there is a special volunteer programme for them.

    It is a lot of fun, people love to have a laugh and you learn so much you never thought you could ever know about animals.

    Most of the volunteers there are women. However, there are some guys and the people are of all ages.

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    • I love animals, but I need experience with people because I've already done stuff with animals and I was hoping to gain some people skills because I'm extremely shy.
      However that hasn't worked. I don't have a local zoo.
      I still wouldn't know how to interact with people and make friends, which is the root problem.

      This has completely discouraged me and I probably won't do volunteering again. I don't have the energy. I can't imagine it ever being fun. Social interaction is too stressful. Ultimately I prefer doing things for myself rather than other people.

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      • JonathanOo

        I went through the same thing. Volunteering was fine and actually gave me good work experience but i made no friends. Everyone else was older and i couldn't connect with them. It's not very satisfying unless you get to share that time with someone. I'm 20 now and still alone. I lost my closest friends and my life basically feels meaningless now. Not that it is, it just doesn't feel special like it used to.

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        • I also researched a local camera club but that was full of middle-aged people with professional-level cameras, so I was put off. I enjoy photography solitarily.
          It said they banter about how Canon is better than Nikon (the latter of which I have), and I just thought "I'm not going to fit in as usual." I can't afford an alternative. I know it's just teasing, but I could just imagine me as the new, shy and young girl with the worst camera not being able to joke around with everybody else. I find it difficult unless they approach me first.

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          • JonathanOo

            I agree. It's kinda lame that it's so common to "not fit in". I like photograph too but I suck at it. I prefer simply seeing beautiful cities, lsndscapes and nature now on instagram or such. Now that i work i don't have time for clubs or leisure activities. Perhaps sports is better for getting to know others because it promotes teamwork and such. It's a great way to learn how people really are

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            • I'm good at photography and want to post it online (I'm confident I could get a following), but people often steal others' work and even though this is serious theft I'm told "there's nothing you can do about it", and people moan if you use watermarks. My photography and indeed writing is very personal to me and I don't want to risk it.

              I'm not on instagram because it's for phone use only, and as far as I can tell it's about narcissistic selfies with bad cameras.

              I love sport, but there's no opportunities for over 18 beginner women for football/rugby/boxing/tennis. Those days are over. I had bad experience in school by being an outcast and never got to take part. Now it's too late.

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  • perdita

    If you're looking for a way to connect with people your best bet will be to find activities where you can meet people like you, and for now that probably means young people. Volunteering is often an older person thing, as you've discovered...except maybe for political stuff. You might check out a political club...my area has bunches, including an "Anonymous County Young Democrats". You might also try Meetup groups for an activity you're interested in.

    You took action to combat your depression, which takes bravery and determination. Good for you. It's more than many people do. If you keep trying different things on your own and nothing seems to work, I hope you consider getting professional help. We all deserve to have rewarding lives.

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    • Obviously I have considered professional help for my many issues, especially social anxiety, but at an extortionate £50 per hourly session of therapy, I can't afford it.

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  • yjing

    But why not a paid job?? Try a job where you need to work on your own And be independent. And to master your Social anxiety go To a festival! That could feel more fun than forcing yourself on volunteer to "fit somewhere". Volunteer is about Willing to do it no matter what. Is the Sole activity that shoudl Pay back; while you go there hoping to socialize; probably Will not work because many people in volunteer are lost with their own purpose. I did many different things, i like to volunteer for example at free parties And festivals and otherwise where i can really help people, like old people or children or disable, or for example once i did a teaching course for "non-digitalized" adults in the Neighbourhood, like old people who need to learn basic computer skills to go online in the bank or check email. Good look! Follow your heart!

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    • Because I need a reference and I don't know how to get a first job.
      I do like being independent. I don't know what you mean by festival but in any case I am socially anxious and wouldn't be able to. I started small with a charity shop and now just do things on a computer without talking to anyone.
      Volunteers shouldn't be "lost in their own purpose" because the whole point is to meet new people.
      I'm good with technology but bad with people. I would like to help old people learn the computer as I think it's important but I'd be far too afraid. And I don't like children. I've no experience with them and the adults always watching how you are with them also scares me.
      I haven't been to volunteering now for two months. I'm doing nothing with my life.

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  • Darrow4

    Did you get SSL hours for it?

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    • What's that?

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      • Darrow4

        Student Service Learning. In my county you have to do 75 hours to graduate. It's basically just volunteering or helping out your community.

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  • RoseIsabella

    Maybe give the volunteer work a rest for about six months to year? Look for a therapist and a support group for people struggling with social anxiety disorder. I also think you ought to seek out an activity such as a class or hobby that is about something in which you're very interested so you can throw yourself into the activity. You just might find that you feel less awkward and anxious when you're around people with whom you share common interests.

    Volunteering is great, but if it's not helping you or if it's leaving you feeling emotionally drained or fatigued it's completely fine to take a break, and please don't feel guilty about it.

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